


but your tears are as bright as stars

by lunaticmeap



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: (because angst), Action, Alcohol, Aliens, Allura's the truest wingwoman, Angst, Blind Keith (Voltron), Developing Relationship, Druid Keith (Voltron), Drunkenness, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Language, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Multiple, Protective Shiro (Voltron), Quintessence Sensitive Keith (Voltron), Some fighting, Sort Of, because idk i might be going thru a phase, both physically and verbally, no beta we die like men, notice how every Voltron fic i have needs to have alcohol?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-13
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2020-06-25 21:06:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 51,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19753819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunaticmeap/pseuds/lunaticmeap
Summary: Three things had registered in Shiro’s mind when Alrya had dragged Keith out of the transport shuttle that the Blades had escaped on: 1) Keith was injured; 2) The injury was worse than it seemed on the surface, given by the cry that Keith sent through the comms; and 3) Keith might lose his eyes. But he didn't dwell on it long. He was more relieved than anything that Keith had come back alive, and that mattered more.Then the stats came back as he feared. And Keith was silent as he spoke.Shiro searched for a reaction - a twitch, a growl, just anything - but came up blank as Keith continued to face his direction, contemplative as he absorbed Shiro’s words. Then he nodded slowly. “So I’ll never see again.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mission that went wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the longest fic i've ever written. Not the longest storyline, but the longest in terms of wordcount. And hell I hate the flow so bad but at least it's giving me a guideline for future long fics. Chapter count may go up to 8, each chapter is around 5k-6k words, at least from my estimation.  
> There's a lot of fighting scenes because my brain is unimaginative with dialogue. Also some fluff where i can squeeze it in. Enjoy!  
> Also no beta so please bear my mistakes and point them out if you want to, I greatly appreciate it.

“Lance in position.”

“Pidge in position.”

“Allura in position.”

“Shiro and Hunk are in position. Voltron is ready. Kolivan, what’s your status?”

Keith glanced over to the many Blades that were involved on this mission, carefully tracing the walls of the hangar in which they were setting explosives in. The soft padding of their shoes made only the slightest noise against the gridded metal floor as they followed each other one by one, efficient and quick as the bombs were placed in structurally compromising spots before heading down the hall to the control room where the master computer were. 

The mission was originally for intel, but they got more than they had bargained for when they discovered an asteroid that housed this supposed “warehouse” for the Galra had more than just a cluster of ammunition and ships. The threat was high enough for Kolivan and Alrya - both senior Blade members - to directly take command and agree on a joint effort with Voltron. Keith wasn’t sure if he should be scared or relieved when he heard that they were bringing more explosives than previously anticipated.

Kolivan gave his confirmation before they started to head down a different hallway.

The warehouse was larger than one would expect when coming to a random asteroid orbiting some planet in a system he couldn’t be bothered to remember. There were four things they had to do: cause a distraction, get the intel, destroy the vault beneath the building, and escape - preferably in that exact order. Voltron was their distraction and extraction if things happened to go wrong too soon. 

It started with an attack on the far side of the warehouse from above, and then it was a rush pass the guards and sentries. Keith sliced at the first sentry and heard the blasters behind him from more Blades lined for backup. There were no shouts for directions - they knew what they had to do and how much time. There were no room for failure. 

“System overridden. The chamber is open.” He heard someone say over the comms.

Alrya gave Kolivan a nod before she placed her hand on the scanning pad. Immediately, blasters came in a fury of purple and white through the door, searing the metal of the surroundings black. It was an entire minute of waiting for the blasters to finally overheat and require a recharge before they jumped through the doors. 

The air crackled with electricity, making Keith’s hair stand on its end with a trepidation as a druid swooped at them, claws out and snarling behind their mask. Keith charged, rolling at the very last second before they would smash into one another and delivered a kick straight up the druid’s stomach, sending the cloaked figure flying upwards and landing right in the middle of a circle of Blades.

A trio were well on their way into finish setting up the explosives in the vault as Keith stood watch. What he expected to see here weren’t rows upon rows of small chambers holding purple quintessense lining the entire circular back wall of the vault, and even more giant glass chambers that held some blueish boiling liquid, looking too much like a health hazard, line the only path in the chamber like columns.

Then, a cry from behind pulled his gaze towards it. The druid was blasting through their line of defence with a terrifying ease as concentrated masses of energy ripped through their armour. _Shit_. 

Keith began to run as another Blade jumped into the air to strike a sneak attack, but the druid turned around too quickly and a beam of light erupted in its palm. The Blade went down screaming and writhing their suit continued to dissolve and burn into his skin. 

“Explosives set. Fall back.” Kolivan’s voice crackled through his mask, and Keith leaped above a shot aimed for his chest. The next set of blasts were deflected off his sword as he ran and tackled the druid to the ground. He vaguely heard the sound of glass shattering, but he definitely smelled the obnoxious fumes that emitted from the blue liquid that was spilling across the floor, eating away at the metal boarding with menacing sizzles. 

The druid under him continued to struggle, and just as Keith tried to his knife across its neck, the body under him dissolved into smoke and slipped between his fingers. He loses his grip and falls to all fours on the floor. 

“Let’s go!” Alrya called for him at the threshold of the vault, but then she was running towards him in a hurried panic. He was confused for a second too long when he felt pressure tight around his neck suddenly. It pulled him backwards, dragging him on his back like a mere ragdoll as his hood and mask dropped. 

“Keith!”

“Victory or death!” The druid’s words were harsh against his ear, but then what was more threatening was the distinct crackling of electricity coming from the druid’s hand. But it wasn’t meant for him. 

The ball of energy sprinted right at Alrya, knocking her backwards, but it gave Keith a chance to tug the druid’s outstretched hand and flipped them onto their back. Just as they came down, Keith saw the fatal moment when the druid’s hand grasped onto his leg and dragged him onto the ground and knocked his breath out of him. 

There was a voice calling his name through the comms, but he had no mind to register its speaker before he was being pulled towards the puddle of corrosive liquid by the druid. His leg kicked wildly, and with a spirited cry, he dug his blade into the ground to stop himself and finally landed a kick across the druid’s face. 

An explosion ripped through the air, shaking the ground beneath them. It wasn’t from one of the bombs set in the vault - _thank god -_ but it was a timely reminder for him to _get the fuck out._ And they were so close - _so close_ to just getting out of there with minor scrapes and bruises and cuts. But he guessed the one thing about Galra that were remarkable was that they were disciplined to their core, and fought until their last breath. 

Except, he didn’t think this when the druid swung their arm and threw the spilled liquid into the air. Keith had only one thing on his mind at that moment, and it was the searing pain across his as the liquid touched his skin. He yelled - a sound so hoarse and desperate that he hadn’t even realised was his. 

“Keith!” Numerous voices called his name, but he was still whimpering almost pathetically. The druid managed one last laugh before he heard the sickening crack of bones, and then Alrya was lifting his arm over her shoulders. His other arm was pressed over his eyes, still as he forced himself to be guided by someone else despite his every other senses sending him into panic. 

He could hear the explosions going off and the sound of their boots echoing; he could smell the acrid and sour corrosive substance that was possibly still on his clothes, and the burnt carbon that came from either the fallen bodies in their paths or the blaster guns that have gone off; he could feel the hot air that blasted at him as they crossed a major exhaust vent; and he could taste the blood where he had bitten his lips to stop himself from screaming because _he couldn’t see_ in the midst of all this destruction.

It almost seemed like the hallways stretched on indefinitely until Alrya finally lets his arm go, and he collapsed to the floor. And then there were the hums of an engine and the diminished speeches of the pilot in the cockpit that was sliding close. Keith raised himself to sit against one of the side of their space crafts, but his head hung low and his palms pressed itself softly into his sockets. Despite his most tentative, he hissed when his skin touched the wet and perhaps scarring tissues. He wondered if it were tears, sweat, or blood. 

“Kolivan...” Alrya sounded almost fearful, and Keith had only guessed that either Kolivan looked pissed as hell, or she was looking at whatever idiotic state that Keith had found himself in.

He flinched slightly when footsteps approached, followed by a hand that wrapped around his wrists. He heard Kolivan ordering him, “Keith, you need to let your hand down.” And perhaps that was his hand that was trying pull Keith’s away from his eyes before Keith could cause more damage. _._

But he shook his head and pulled away from Kolivan. There was a wild fear in him that was winding up his heartbeat and driving his best sense of judgement to empty space, and suddenly even the sound of someone’s breathing was terrifying. It was suffocating, as if the room was inching in upon him, but Keith couldn’t even see it to deny himself the absurd fact. He was trapped behind this endless dark curtain that became more oppressive as his breath was catching on every second exhale. 

“Keith, you need to let me see your injury,” Kolivan said again, softer. The grip on his wrists were softer, too, and Keith dragged in deep breaths as the pain flared across his face. He didn’t dare to even try to open his eyes, yet he managed to ask, “How bad is it?”

The ruffle of fabric was the only indication of Kolivan’s reaction. And his voice betrayed all traced of emotions, switching to the practiced tone that he used at mission debriefs. “You’ll be okay.” 

And somehow the words were comforting, despite the detached coldness that he delivered it with. At least that meant there was something controlled in this hell of a situation, and he let that thought drift through him the entire way back to the base. 

The quintant Krolia made contact after her four and a half decaphoebs of disappearance, Kolivan was handing Thace possibly his final espionage mission. The message would have gone through to one of the many communications officers at HQ, but Kolivan owed it to Krolia to directly take her call after his rise to be the newly appointed leader of the Blades, with major courtesy to her support. That, and of course, it was only natural to care for a long time friend.

She looked well after all those decaphoebs, but there was a fire in her eyes that he couldn’t quite place, as if she had a vendetta with the Empire. She looked ready to strike a path straight through Zarkhon’s central command and strike him down with every weapon she possessed.

Kolivan hadn’t questioned why, but he was given an answer nineteen years later in the form of a human boy walking onto base with his mother’s knife with the same burning passion in his eyes, even if his brashness was something Krolia had long outgrown. 

Keith reminded Kolivan too much of Krolia, and he wasn’t sure if that was a good thing. 

“You will need to tell him at some point.” Alrya leaned against the walls, ducking slightly due to the protuding part of the wall that housed the hallway lights. Kolivan wouldn’t have had that problem, but Alrya was abnormally tall like Antok - he had his reasons to ask her to look out for Keith in the last mission, and she delivered without question.

“Or better yet, let the Paladins break it to him,” she said. “It would be disadvantageous for you to do it. He will hate you.”

But it always came down to him to make difficult decisions. He was a leader afterall, it was his duty to take responsibilities and the brunt of guilt and hard words. He sighed, “I will do it. I can’t let this get between him and the Paladins. He will need all of their help to get himself together.”

“You’re so sure that he would somehow find a way pass this.”

“He’s a Blade, and he was a Paladin of Voltron.” _And he’s Krolia’s son_ , but Kolivan didn’t need to add that. “He’s twice as small as you and went through eight levels of the Trial. I’m sure he’ll manage somehow.”

“Have you told him about his mother?”

Kolivan widened his eyes. “You _know_?”

“Hard not to notice the resemblance between them. He’s just as terrible as she was back in our youth.” Alrya snorted at him with slight amusement. “Also not hard to see the favouritism when I’m looking for it. You were always close to Krolia. I’m not even the least surprised to see you wrapped around Keith’s finger.”

“I have a duty to care for everyone under my command, Alrya. Keith included.” He rolled his eyes though not with malice. Leadership came with respect and trust as a package, though for other senior Blade members, Kolivan will never fully be free of their tease and jokes. “Call it favouritism as you like, but I owe it to Krolia to at least make sure her son survives this war.”

Finding love was rare for Blades, children even rarer. Krolia had left Earth with every intention to keep her family safe, and somehow it felt as if the duty now fell upon him to keep this reckless boy from trouble. Alrya might be teasing him now, but he knew she would have felt the same in his position. 

Afterall, there are only so few joys that they had left when an intergalactic war has been raging for more than ten thousand years. Knowledge or death. _Victory_ or death. It was the Blade’s way. It was the Galra’s way. And it was a facade for all of them who had been in this war long enough to console them, to assure them that the way to peace was difficult but at least they were heading there. 

The few rare joys such as family and friends were cherished, but they were Galra first and foremost.

And perhaps that was why he found it so hard to step into the medbay, where Keith had remained under supervision after his time in the healing pod. He turned to Alrya as his hand hovered above the scanner at the door. “Summon the Paladins. He’ll need them.” 

She nodded and headed off down the hallway, though not without a sympathetic smile.

The medical officer on duty gave him a bow with an arm across his chest, to which Kolivan returned with his own nod when he stepped in. He scanned the room until his eyes landed on the figure sitting up against the head of his bed, ears plugged in with a headset wirelessly connected to the green datapad lying on his lap. 

Keith bobbed his head lightly, as if enjoying some pop culture music that was all the rage across the Empire at the moment. Kolivan never managed to understand it, but it was only because he was an old man with an older soul and high tolerance for pain, but not for music that was going deafen him ten decaphoebs early. 

“You seem to be doing well,” he said. Keith immediately removed his headset and turned his head around. 

“Pardon?” 

Kolivan pulled a chair from beneath the bed and sat down. “I said _you look better_ , Keith.”

Keith greeted him with a sudden, awkward motion, as if he hadn’t entirely expected it to be Kolivan that came in. Kolivan only hummed in acknowledgement, and Keith immediately turned sombre with his head lowered. The bandages across his eyes were still there for at least another few quintant, and Kolivan would be lying if he were to say it didn’t disturb him the slightest. He had seen his fair share of injuries and bandages, it didn’t make them less terrible.

“How are you feeling?” He asked. Keith sucked in a long breath as if steeling himself. Kolivan could already feel his stomach dropping at the thought of having to be the all-wise leader. 

“I’m fine.” Keith replied, almost too soft and afraid. “And I’m sorry.” 

Kolivan could argue and deny Keith’s unrequired apology, but he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t because his next words were still swirling in his mind, rearranging themselves in someway so he speak them without crushing the young man in front of him. 

“I have news.”

Keith raised his head, turning to him expectantly as if he were looking at Kolivan for the next mission - serious and trusting. Kolivan hoped this time, his words won’t fail him. “I’m relieving you of your duties as a Blade of Marmora.”

“What?”

“I’m giving you a break. You will be having some time off to recover from this injury at the Castle of Lions. It will be good for you.” 

“I don’t need a break.” Keith almost snarled. “Didn’t I already spend enough time healing? I’m fine.”

“You’re not. I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but you won’t be able to fight anymore. Not after the last mission.”

“What do you mean?” 

Kolivan flinched slightly and refrain himself from sighing. “We ran tests whilst you were in the healing pod. You sustained major damage in your eyes. Damage that, regardless of any surgical simulations we ran, could not be fixed. There were no scenario where we could fix your vision, not without high risks of failure.”

Keith fiddled with his hands - a trait that Kolivan had disapproved of for a spy in the making. “What’s the risk?”

“No. That’s not up for debate. It isn’t something you can fight through.”

“What’s the risk, Kolivan? Please.” He pleaded. That was rare, and it didn’t mean anything good.

“It’s not worth taking, and that’s all I will say about it.”

“What’s this really about?” Keith blurted with visible distrust. His hands gripped tightly to the sheets, and Kolivan was sure that the datapad on his legs will fall off any moment now. “You can’t expect me to really believe that you’re pulling me out because I need a break.”

“It is what it is.” Kolivan said, as neutral as he could be. Keith wouldn’t believe him anyways. The Blades were efficient and ruthless. The only thing differing them from the Empire is that they’re on this side of the war. And like the Empire and its military, they knew when things weren’t going to work and they will be honest about it. It was as simple as that. 

And Kolivan was honest about his decisions. He needed able soldiers, and he needed them in sound body and mind states. Keith was neither, at the moment. “This is war, Keith. We don’t win it by fighting every battle with everything we have. Injuries will occur, some more fatal than others, and yours is difficult. Which is why it do you good to step away from the violence and rest, to acquaintance yourself to this… situation that you are given.” 

“If you’re going to kick me out of the Blades, at least have the decency to say it properly,” Keith gritted his teeth and held his head high. 

“You are _not_ being ‘kicked out.’ This is a medical leave.”

Keith snorted. “Really? For how long, Kolivan?”

“Until you get better.”

“Indefinitely, then?”

“Yes, if that’s what it takes for you.”

“Look, I know I fucked up,” Keith started. “But please, Kolivan, I can’t just _not_ see. There has to be _something.._.”

Kolivan couldn’t find words to reply, but he was saved by the door behind him sliding open to welcome the Paladins of Voltron. They piled in with chatter, yelling out Keith’s name as their gaze fell upon him. 

“Your friends are here to see you.” He informed Keith. The Paladins greeted them with more casualness than he was accustomed to on a daily basis, though he hadn’t held it against them for being children. There was some awkwardness with the princess, but that was quickly dispelled when he gave her a bow and stepped to one side to allow them access to the areas surrounding Keith’s bed. 

“I will leave you all to catch up,” he said, hoping that Keith would have found it too awkward to continue their previous conversation by now, and got up from his chair. But his hopes were futile when Keith spoke with a bitter openness. 

“Did you guys know that the Blades are sending me back to the Castle with you?”

The room fell silent whilst the Paladins looked at one another, unsure of how to answer such an abrupt and delicate question. Pidge stared awkwardly at her wrist where the numerous monitors sat, Hunk scratched the back of his head, and the princess and Shiro gave each other a worried look. It were only Lance that stepped up with a nervous smile. Kolivan supposed he was braver than most for at least trying to face Keith’s cold fury. “We did. And-”

“And you agreed to it?” Keith continued, unwavering. 

“Well... yeah, of course. We’ve had a lot of thoughts on it, Keith.”

“Without considering my thoughts?”

“We did what we thought was best for everyone, Keith.” Lance sighed. “Look, there weren’t any good ways of going about it. But… look on the bright side, buddy. You’re coming back to the team with us! We all missed you so m-” 

“Can I just ask why you all would ever agree to taking me away from the only place where I could actually make a difference?” His face betrayed all emotions, besides the slightest twitch between his brows. 

“ _Keith_ ,” Kolivan sighed. _Indeed_ , he was every bit of Krolia in her youth. And Kolivan found himself stuck at what to say before the Shiro stepped up, asking everyone to give them a moment. Then, it were quiet footsteps following each other out. 

He remembered then: it was never his job to comfort Keith because he would definitely fall short. And perhaps he already has, Kolivan thought. He turned back to the pair speaking in hushed words at the door. Shiro’s brows were pressed together in attempt to explain everything and Keith, though vulnerable, was reaching out to him. 

It was all Kolivan could hope for.

It was five vargas after Keith had emerged from the cryopod that Shiro finally got to speak to him. And frankly, he would have preferred to speak better things than bad news, but bad news were all that Keith could care to think about at the moment.

Words were dying on his tongue. So Shiro started with a long silence that stretched as everyone left for the door, until Keith was too agitated to remain silent any longer. 

“Are you going to explain to me what’s going on?”

Keith looked tired. His hair was still caked in space dust and stiff from sweat and oil. Had the bandages been off, Shiro would undoubtedly find marks etched underneath his eyes. “Did you sleep well?” He asked and wondered if Keith ever managed to sleep better at the Blade’s base than he did at the Castle - he never slept well, and Shiro never pestered why.

“Yes, I did. Now would you mind telling me what’s going on? I’m not a child, I can handle it.”

Shiro grimaced slightly at the phrase. _Of course_ _you aren’t_. Keith wasn’t a child three years ago when he said it and he definitely wasn’t now. But it didn’t make it any easier for Shiro to speak. God knows why Kolivan even thought it was a good idea to tell Keith that he was being put out of commission and then dropping this onto Shiro’s lap.

Three things had registered in Shiro’s mind when Alrya had dragged Keith out of the transport shuttle that the Blades had escaped on: 1) Keith was injured; 2) The injury was worse than it seemed on the surface, given by the cry that Keith sent through the comms; and 3) Keith might lose his eyes. But he didn’t dwell on it long. He was more relieved than anything that Keith had come back alive, and that mattered more.

Then the stats came back as he feared. And Keith was silent as he spoke.

Shiro searched for a reaction - a twitch, a growl, just anything - but came up blank as Keith continued to face his direction, contemplative as he absorbed Shiro’s words. Then he nodded slowly. “So I’ll never see again.”

“Yeah,” Shiro heard himself whisper, as if somehow the weight of his words could be counteracted by the way he spoke it. And Keith’s expression crumbled, slowly, silently, almost unnoticeable like the rotation of a planet upon its own axis, and Shiro was observing the darkness creep into the sky. 

“Keith?” Shiro reached to set the datapad on Keith’s lap on the nearby table before he sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled Keith into his arms. Under better circumstances, maybe Keith would have reassured him with an “I’m okay,” or perhaps a teasing “Worried about me?” But what Shiro heard was a quiet and cracked, “Fuck.” 

Keith sunk easily into his arms, tucking his head into the crook of his neck whilst his hands gripped tightly onto Shiro’s vest as if it were the only thing that could keep him from falling off a precipice.

“Fuck, Shiro,” Keith said again, this time with a finality that seemed to have sunk deeply into his heart. Shiro watched, his arm curled around Keith’s shoulder and stroking over his head softly. 

This reminded Shiro too much of the boy he bailed out of police custody all those years ago - young, misunderstood, and _hurt_. He was hurt so much that Shiro wondered if he had ever known affections from anyone and if life had ever been kind to him. Shiro’s heart broke with the sobs that escaped Keith’s throat. 

“I’m sorry, Keith,” he said. Shiro let Keith cling to him, weight heavily rested against his chest and he mumbled apologies over and over because it were the only consolation he could provide. 

After a while Keith said something muffled by his shoulder. Shiro hummed questioningly. “Pardon?”

“I’m sorry.” Keith sniffed. Shiro gently pried him from his chest to pull his face into vision. 

The bandage atop his eyes were wet. Shiro reminded himself to ask for a change of them later. “What are you apologising for?”

“I don’t know.” Out of reflex, Keith reached up to wipe his face, though the dryness of his cheek seemed to have startled him, and he rubbed his fingers over themselves as if still disbelieving. “I should have been better.”

“It’s not your fault.” He squeezed Keith’s shoulder gently. “Things just happen, Keith. Missions go wrong. We rise above it to do better another day.”

“I don’t… I don’t know, Shiro.” Keith ducked his head. “This isn’t something you just overcome. And _me_ \- I can’t just _run it over_ with spite. I can’t throw myself back into the frontlines so I will _spite_ myself into seeing. Just... what can I even do, Shiro? I can’t _not_ see. I’ll just be…” His swallowed thickly. “I don’t even know what I’ll be.”

There was one thing that was true in those words, and it was that Keith tended to overcome most of the obstacles in his life due to spite. His reputation for being difficult stemmed from his hatred for the pitying stares that people gave him. His grades were always the top of his class because of the people who looked down upon him. His unbeatable spirit was to prove life that it could not do anything worse to him than it already has. Shiro knew this intimately, and remembered it clearly as if it were only yesterday that they were in the desert, sharing secrets about their lives. 

That unbeatable spirit was still there. _It has to be._

“Hey, you want to know a secret?” He smiled and placed his forehead atop Keith’s head. The figure before him jumped slightly, his breath catching in surprise. “I have faith in you. I know that you can get through this.”

Keith’s words were soft but almost bitter. “Faith isn’t going to fix me.”

“You don’t need fixing, Keith.” Shiro wrapped his hands underneath Keith’s ear, his finger finding itself rubbing gently on the back of Keith’s neck and behind his ears. “I know that it feels like the end of the world for you, and I’m sorry I don’t have the solutions to everything like I used to. But see this as another obstacle in your life. It won’t get you down unless you let it.” 

“It doesn’t work that way, Shiro.” Keith shook his head, and his hands gripped the fabric of his pants tightly, so much that his knuckles were going white. “This affects _everything_ I do. I can’t fight, and I can’t be a Paladin. I’m not a Blade anymore. I can’t even _fly_. I’m just-”

“Don’t let this stop you from being _you,_ Keith. You’re more than just a Blade or a Paladin.”

“Shiro-”

“Prove yourself wrong. You said you can’t spite yourself into _seeing_. But if you still must motivate yourself that way, prove yourself that you can still be great regardless of everything.”

It was worrying when he noticed Keith clenching his jaws, mulling over Shiro’s words. This isn't his brightest moment, Shiro could tell. It was a terrible solution to what they have right now, but he was sure Keith would do his damn best to disregard any good advice that Shiro could come up with. 

As Shiro pulled Keith in again, breathing deeply, he could only hope the conviction in Keith’s words would be mirrored in his expression. His head was deep down that hole of despair and Shiro could only wait until he finds his way back up. And Keith will, Shiro was sure. They just have to figure this out. 

“Okay,” Keith finally said and nodded weakly. His face was still crestfallen, but it was only natural when one comes to face with such terrifying realisations and decisions. “Okay,” he repeated, a bit firmer and pulled his face blank. 

Shiro was almost glad that Keith couldn’t see him frown.

They decided that Keith was best cared by the paladins and Coran on the castleship, partly because the Blades couldn’t spare any members to watch over him 24/7 when the universe was setting itself on fire. So Keith reluctantly sat on his bed whilst Lance helped pull together what little belongings he held in the room that was provided for him at the Blades’ headquarter - which sounded like an easy task, but it felt absolutely terrifying when Lance was so damn curious about everything in his room.

He excused himself to the common area to say goodbye to everyone - he owed them the announcement of his leave, at least. Then returned to his room with Alrya chatting up about the most prevalent gossip that went down in the kitchen with two new Blades that were less than desirable for her tastes. 

Kolivan came to give him a parting after her, announced only by the soft footsteps, the doors sliding open and asking for some privacy. Keith’s hand pulled to his back to feel the sheathed blade still tucked there. He released a breath. 

There was a brief moment that Keith would have suspected to be a stare down between the two Galra. Alrya’s hand on his arm was tight, her claws almost digging into him, then slowly releasing. Keith almost mourned the loss of it. She gave him a tender pat on the head. “Good luck, little one,” she said and followed it with the soft patter of her shoes. 

There was a silence that stretched between the remaining occupants in the room, and neither seemed willing to end it. Keith couldn’t find words, anyways. Their last encounter still rung in his mind. He had felt like a petulant child after a night spent tossing in his bed, thinking over how right Kolivan was right and how Keith only wished he weren’t. Now there was a silence in the air after the revelation, and he wondered if it were cowardice that Kolivan avoided telling him everything. It felt like the only explanation.

“Have you finished packing?” Kolivan asked, and Keith might have imagined some sort of fondness and sorrow in his voice. 

Keith nodded with slight hesitance. He could take a guess at what Kolivan was here for. “I guess I’ll be returning my blade?” Keith asked. 

The luxite blades belonged to operating Blade members. Keith wasn’t any longer, and perhaps that was the hardest thing to accept, even more so than the fact that he was going back to the Castle of Lions.

He almost resented Kolivan. He wanted to resent him and scream at him and ask him _why_ \- _why send him away_ \- as if he hadn’t already realised that he would never hold the luxite blade again. But he hoped, he hoped on some sentimental feelings that Kolivan would see through it and Keith would somehow still remain there, still part of this makeshift group of Blades that became his family more than he had expected.

He dared not to assume the man held any more affections for him than any other Blade members, but Kolivan was reliable, always out there to save Keith’s neck no matter what. It meant a lot to him, who could count the number of people he trusted on his fingers. But Kolivan had his duties to the Bladest, and anything was secondary besides that. 

Keith knew better than to assume, so he reached behind his back fiddling with the belt before he removed his blade and held it out on his palm. What he hadn’t expected was a soft clawed hand gently squeezing his shoulder and another closing Keith’s own hand around his mother’s sheathed dagger. 

“I came to wish you a safe journey,” Kolivan said, startling him. “May you find your way again. The Blades will be always be here for you.” 

They weren’t the words he expected, they weren’t the words he wanted, but perhaps they were the words he needed. So Keith took it for what it was, and strapped the blade to his hip again. The blade’s thrumming energy pulsed slightly behind him as he stepped onto the castleship, faint as his heartbeat beating in his ears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here’s something funny. I rewatched the third season of Voltron, probably episode 1, it was, that i heard Kolivan speaking again. AnD WHAT THE FUCK i think ive been reading too much fic and I have the biggest impression that Kolivan is old af with like an impressive Liam Neeson tone to his voice even tho irl his voice literally just sounds like some 20-30 year old and I AM SO DISAPPOINTED.  
> So read in whatever voice u want, but Kolivan is a man in his midlife crisis and close to needing therapy because BoM + Keith is a new form of torture. You're welcome.
> 
> And on my updating schedule: I'll be updating this every Saturday. I already have around 1 month worth of chapters, and hopefully i would have finished drafting and editing the rest of this already (but that is very dependent because I'm going into uni in like 2 weeks and wow first year schedule isn't very kind). Hope you'll stick around for that!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith readjusts to the life on the castleship. The Paladins go to a festival in which three of them takes alcohol, but only two are pining idiots, and one has a revelation.

The air was hot, dry, and sharp enough to make one wonder if they had stepped into a furnace, and it was the first thing Keith registered. Then, sounds, like an uncoordinated musical performance made of the creaking wood, the whistling of the wind that reminded him of the one corner of the shack - of that perfect eerie sound, and the tingling wind chimes his father hung behind the shack tumbling. It felt like the shack. It sounded like the shack. 

He opened his eyes; it looked like the shack. 

Keith could see the dry cliffs afar, rocks upon rocks, red and orange and dusty under the cloudless purple - blue sky that signaled the sun’s fast approach towards the horizon. The shack never seemed more peaceful in the moment, and the desert never seemed more beautiful. 

He was home. Keith breathed a lungful of desert air as he stood on the veranda of his home, wondering if Shiro would be up for a ride to the cliffs before the sun sets. They might even catch it if they make a run for it. Instinctively his head turned towards the direction to the Garrison. He cocked his head. _But where was Shiro_? 

He made his way down the wooden steps that barely creaked, and took a double take because he couldn’t recall the last time he ever stepped on those steps and received no disapproval from it. Actually, he couldn’t recall the last time he stepped on them at all. _Strange_ , he thought. 

But before he could bend down to investigate, his head perked up at a sound. A sound so familiar and comforting, yet somehow so strange and foreign at the same time, making his heart ache in a strange way. He jerked towards the sound, finding himself looking at _them_ , and _him_. 

A baby’s giggled drifted through the air, followed by the coos and laughs of his parents. It was _them_ , and his father was illuminated by the blinding sun, every feature of his face encased in a halo, warm, kind and fond at the sight in front of him. His father’s smile was contagious in a way, and Keith found himself also smiling, following his gaze to his mother, whose face was turned away so that the only thing visible was the sharp silhouette of her chin, nose, and curious looking bob cut. She swayed slightly on her feet, bouncing a bundle of blanket in her arm gently and whispering soft words. And a childish laughter sounded from her arms. 

They looked happy, his family was whole, and Keith wanted to reach out to touch them because surely this couldn’t be real. Because surely his life wasn’t this perfect. He racked his brain for the last time he saw his parents, his eyes glancing over his father with startling shock. He was young, _so_ much younger than Keith remembered from the last night that he saw him, when his father promised to come home but never did.

 _He never came home,_ Keith remembered. His father was dead. None of this made sense. None of this is is re-

A loud explosion shook the ground from behind him, and Keith turned his head to the sky. Flashes of colour flew in the air, blinding purple and white of a Galra warship fast approaching the shack, him, and his parents. He whipped his head around, ready to yell at them to flee and his legs ready to sprint. But words escaped him as his legs failed to move as if they were pinned down by heavy weight. As if - he looked down - he was sinking into the ground as if it were make of quicksand, ready to consume him. 

“Help!” He called for anyone, but he instinctively turned to where his parents’ figures last stood, hoping that they would hear him. But their silhouette were leaving, getting further and further, smaller and smaller until they were but a speck in the horizon. He called for them, but there wasn’t a single head that turned. 

Keith stood still as the Galra warship approached, ripping the ground and tearing up a dust storm that settled over him quickly, infusing the air with smoke and sand cutting onto every bit of open skin on his body. It was getting more difficult to see or breath in general, and he covered his mouth and nose with his arm to shield it from the swirling particles in the air. He needed to get out. _He needed to run_. He tried jerking his leg, but every move seemed to pull him lower into the ground, sending him into a panic.. 

Flashes of colours in the sky caught his eyes, then, and he realised what it was: Voltron. He could see them coming for him in the distance, but despite this, he felt his heart sink. The Galra ship was still approaching, and Keith was still sinking. _They weren’t going to make it in time_ , Keith realised. He was going to die, and the only question now was whether it was by drowning in the sand or falling by the warship raining in the sky. 

Another powerful gust of wind whipped him across the face, sending him coughing and reeling as he was almost knocked back. His eyes burned as he tried to blink away the dust. And when he opened them again, the warship was atop of him with their blasters ready to fire. 

He was going to die. 

He blinked once before it rained.

  


Keith opened his eyes to darkness and sweat beading his neck as his shirt stuck disgustingly to his back. He sat up, still panting as he waited for the static in the air to stop, for the frantic beating of his heart to calm, or at least anything to stop the horrible silence and darkness of the room. 

He wasn’t dead. He couldn’t be, not when he could feel the blankets on his legs and his sweat soaked shirt, and the painful dig of his untrimmed nails on the palm of his hands. He wasn’t dead. He waited for anything to prove it. 

And as if on cue, Lance’s yelling about some mischief that Pidge had managed to conduct blared through the door. Footsteps clacked in the hallway as Lance made a run across it, and Keith released his breath. _He wasn’t dead_. He was at the Castle of Lions. He was alive, and he still couldn’t see.

He wiped his face with the front of his shirt, sucking in a long breath through the fabric to smell its stench before he headed for the bathroom. The drone that Pidge and Hunk had re-purposed and reprogrammed - with an AI designed specifically to respond to Keith - immediately beeped awake and floated under his outwardly stretching hand, guiding him.

He folded his blankets, just by feel. And before he stepped out of the door, freshened and clean, he took another deep breath with a nod at the room he couldn’t see, just to infuse it with a noise other than the static lights. Perhaps it was also to steel himself for what awaited him outside the comforting but lonely room. Then he followed the drone out. 

  


After a breakfast that included Hunk ratting out Lance for his late night eating habits - apparently Lance had “royally fucked over” Hunk’s “meticulously organised and categorised kitchen, colour coded because _what are we_ , _animals?”_ \- and a proud Pidge crying over Hunk’s rant on his colour coded containers, he joined Allura in the bridge, who greeted him softly before giving his tasks for the day. 

Things have changed at the castle since he left, and Keith was trying to reel his head around the fact that he wasn’t going to be getting up at the strangest hours to do drills and hack through gladiators in the training deck. Instead, he woke up later, after everyone had already finished and worked more in the castle’s many meeting rooms or the Bridge. 

The first week back, he wanted to throw himself to the gladiators in the training deck just to relieve his boredom, but of course he didn’t because that would be the second most idiotic thing he would ever do, first being running to the desert to follow the Blue Lion’s calling without knowing what it was to begin with. 

“Give it time.” Shiro had said. “Be patient with yourself.” He said these words almost as a daily reminder, almost as often as he said “Patience yields focus.” And Keith tried. 

Keith spent the majority of his time with Allura and Coran, thought it felt unusual at first to be sitting around to work diplomacy and war strategies more than actually fighting the battles. Mission debriefs were something that he participated in every once in a while - Shiro even recommended that he made his input. But even in these meetings, he found himself lost from the conversation when so much of their planning included visual materials such as maps and graphs. 

“How do you feel about Altean alchemy, Keith?” Allura asked him today.

“Like… magic stuff? The thing that you and Haggar does?” Keith raised his eyebrows.

Despite what they had previously thought, Zarkon wasn’t dead, and Haggar, his witch, had somehow summoned the devil’s incarnate - Lotor - to take over for now. And things were idle at the moment, which was a blessing as Voltron was still trying its best to undo the Empire’s ten thousand years of terror, planet by planet. Well… Voltron Coalition, excluding Keith, who felt more like bad propaganda on most days. 

They’ve been spreading their cause across the galaxy, and more often than not, the Paladins were the star of the show, despite the fact that the ones who actually engage in any sort of peace talk were Allura, Coran and Shiro, though Lance was still learning how to not insult every alien race they come across by making outrageous pick-up lines. Pidge and Hunk joined when their expertise were required, and Keith… Keith sat at the table whilst the others gawked over the fact that he was the ex-Black Paladin and ex-Blade member, handing him some sympathy and left him to his own devices because he wasn’t that interesting when he was _just Keith_. 

He felt like an old blunt trophy sword sold at auctions and left to be displayed behind a glass case. But he supposed at least it still had some sort of purpose that everyone saw but he couldn’t.

Shiro said he needed to be patient and wait for his calling. Keith tried. He really did. 

In trying to be the least bit useful, he had asked her for her other books on diplomacy and politics, or even the user manual to the castleship but apparently people just didn’t make audiobooks of things that are remotely useful to know about. To this, Keith grunted, “Ugh, idiots,” and heard Lance snicker behind him. 

He heard the telltale sound of the incoming data transfer into his personal datapad. 

“It’s mostly about Altean alchemy. There’s a lot of studies on quintessence and how it works. And I suppose _yes_ , it is ‘magic’ as you called it. Though I’ve only gone through a few pages, I can’t be sure. It’s written by one of the most brilliant alchemists of my father’s time. I would have read more into it, but we’ve just picked up a encrypted messages from a Coalition ally,” she said.

“A distress signal?”

Pidge piped in from the other side of the bridge, “Not sure. Me and Coran have been trying to run it through every code cracking program we know, but it’s quite a slow process so far.”

“And we’ll be landing soon for a restock, I’ve been trying to keep up with communications without Coran’s help, so I thought you could help me read up on Haggar’s powers and how she can manipulate quintessence so easily. Perhaps even a weakness.” Allura breathed deeply.

Keith nodded. “I’m not sure I’ll be able to understand most of it, but I’ll try.”

“Hopefully it will also give us an explanation of your quintessence sensitivity.”

“My _what?_ ”

“Remember the Galra’s universal station that we encountered from a while ago? And you came back to us with your armour completely disintegrated at the hand from the druids?”

“And the yellow quintessence or something spilled on my hand and healed it.”

“It healed you instantaneously, as if it were programmed or manipulated into doing so, like how Haggar and the druids could call upon lightning and explosions.” Allura said, concerned and serious yet at the same time, somewhat amazed. “I’ve never heard anything like it. Pure quintessence shouldn’t have reacted so strangely. Usually it’s the refined quintessence that is used in medicine could ever accomplish that. Even then, it couldn’t heal to the speed that you were healed.”

“And you think that I somehow managed to… control it?” 

“You told me once that you found the Blue Lion because of some energy calling for you in the desert. And out of all the paladins, your lion is the most receptive to you being in danger. I think there’s something about you that we have yet to understand, Keith. It might be helpful for you to find out more.”

Keith could tell by the gentle shoving in her voice that this was another one of her attempts at making him feel more included, distract him from the fact that he barely spoke to anyone outside of the bridge or the meeting rooms because he dweled too much about the darkness that he was constantly surrounded by. 

It wasn’t as if he had any better things to do these days. And he supposed he should thank Allura for somehow making an effort to help. But the would still felt too raw to talk about sometimes, and admitting that he needed this distraction felt a bit like admitting that he was completely indisposed. So he shrugged as if it hadn’t occurred to him. “Sure. I’ll see what I can find.” 

“Don’t push yourself too hard if you don’t find anything, though.” Shiro’s voice rang from the helm - Keith hadn’t even realised that he was there. “Sometimes junk info is just junk.” 

Absentmindedly wiping a hand over his eyes, feeling it dig into his sockets with a slight pressure, Keith replied, “I’ll keep that in mind.” 

The skin and tissue underneath the crisp bandages has healed smoothly after the few vargas in the healing pod, but it felt too unsettling for Keith to be aimlessly ‘looking’ at thin air whilst someone spoke to him, so he opted to keep it on for the first week. He told himself that wasn’t a sad attempt in convincing himself that it was because his eyes were covered that he couldn’t see, and not because he really was blind. 

Eventually he had taken it off. Some days he woke up expecting to see the dim ceiling lights, but he never did. 

Allura excused herself to find Lance - something about cleaning up the mess of food goo that he had deposited in one of the hallways as a failure of a revenge prank against Pidge, and Keith pulled his earpods on, prepared to sink into his seat for “ten vargas and forty-seven doboshes” to get through this one research file, but a cold metal hand immediately stopped him, and he jumped slightly in his seat.

Shiro somehow always manages to sound enthusiastic in the morning, but his joyful tone was welcoming on most days, such as today, when Keith had woken up less than stellar. “Sorry, I didn’t notice you coming in a while ago. Probably startled you.”

“It’s fine.” Keith shrugged. “What’s up?”

“Not sure if anyone had told you, but we’re heading to Krixe for a restock and at least a dinner with the one of their governments. There’s a festival going on where we’re landing, and Allura thought that it might be a good idea for everyone to take a breather after dinner. Also as a show of good faith to our allies, too.”

“Everyone? Including me, Coran _and_ Allura?”

“Well, no, Allura was opting to sit out with Coran because they’re doing some checkups with the castle when we land. But the the rest of us, yeah. I think it could be fun.” Shiro nudged his arm and called out. “That means you too, Pidge.”

Pidge and Keith both groaned at the same time, and the former dramatically dropped her datapad. “Can I just… not?” She tried, but Shiro laughed. 

“For a sixteen year old, you are even more serious about working than I ever was, Pidge.” 

“I like my lab, and I like not going out. _Work_ is just coincidentally what it’s called.”

“I promised Matt that I would drag you out somehow. Don’t make me actually drag you out by a collar,” Shiro warned playfully. 

“Oooh, _kinky_. I guess that explains why Keith likes leather.”

Keith’s head snapped up. “What?”

“Nothing!” Shiro said hurriedly, and groaned as Pidge erupted into giggles. “Anyways, you coming, Keith? You haven’t been planet-side for a while, I think it might be nice to get out.”

“I don’t know,” Keith leaned his head back against the chair. He liked festivals to a degree, and he had been getting cabin fever for a while. But it’s been a while since the last time he was engaged in a social event, since the time when he almost cost one of their alliances. It was disconcerting to think about how he would manage this one. “I don’t want to potentially mess up another alliance.”

“You don’t have to come to dinner, but the festival is completely work-free. We’ll be roaming by ourselves.”

“Still...” 

“Well, if I have to go, then you’re not getting out of it either.” Pidge decided with vigor and an undertone of mischief. “You need to suffer with me in this as well.”

Keith rolled his eyes, grunting disapprovingly and Shiro declared it a victory for himself. “That settles it, then!” Shiro decided, and Keith swore he could feel radiant smile in his tone. Keith wondered if the smile was still the same as he had seen it at least three phoebs ago in real life, and only a handful of times in his dreams - the few rare ones that were gradients of colours across the sky, loud roars of hoverbikes running through the heated deserts and the boisterous laugh that warms his insides. 

Perhaps it won’t be so bad if Keith might catch the chance to hear that laugh again.

“I promise it will be fun,” Shiro said, “I mean, the worst that could happen is that we end up with food poisoning, right?”  


The worst that could happen to Shiro was apparently Keith getting drunk. And Shiro has never felt more betrayed by his own words

Krixe was cold where they landed. The Paladins rid themselves of their armour after the formal dinner, opting for the comforts of their own clothes but keeping their temperature regulating undersuits so they wouldn’t die of hypothermia.

The festival reminded Shiro of Christmas markets with its colourful lighting stringing from stall to stall, and vendors selling literally everything from handmade jewellery and gifts to hearty soups and warm drinks. There was even one section of the festival that were rows of carnival games. Around them, families, friends and couples enjoyed themselves in the cold, using their time off for each other, not unlike the the Paladins. 

More than anything, everyone was most absorbed into the food, despite having eaten a very well delivered four course meal that reminded Shiro of Italian food and made Pidge a very happy eater. Keith hadn’t joined them, but he met up with them later and Lance was doing his best efforts to introduce Keith to the local cuisine. 

And of course they had somehow purchased alcohol - _very_ strong and quick to absorb alcohol that Shiro could not understand the physics of - and almost twenty doboshes later, Keith and Lance were definitely pass tipsy, engaged in gossip like two bros sitting in a hot tub, five feet apart yet they’re both gay. 

(Though on that final part, Shiro couldn’t exactly be sure.)

“Hey Keith, who do you think is like, the hottest person on our team?” Lance swung his glass, narrowly missing Keith on the head. Had Keith been able to see it, Shiro was sure that they would be in an all out brawl by now. 

But instead, Keith snorted. “Why? You trying to get into one of our pants?”

“No, seriously. Like I’ve been thinking: I’ve seen a lot of alien races over the year, and honestly no one realises how beautiful Allura is?”

“Dude, you flirt with everyone,” Pidge pointed out.

“As a joke. It’s not like I will actually take them out. For your information, Allura has my heart.”

“We almost lost the Blue Lion to Nyma because your libido was decidedly bigger than your brain.”

“Are we only discussing with your hetero attraction, or are we comparing “hotness” for all genders in the team.” Keith raised a finger to ask. 

“Oh right, I forgot you only got the hots for that D.” Lance smiled slyly, wiggling his eyebrows. “Specifically Shiro’s D.”

“Excuse me?” Shiro coughed into his own fruity drink - much less alcoholic; Shiro almost regretted not having anything stronger - and Hunk pressed his hands onto Pidge’s ears in an attempt to shield her from The Horror. But of course it was futile as Pidge roared into laughter. Keith’s face burned red all the way down his neck, and it wasn’t just because of the alcohol. 

It was a joke, obviously. Keith did not, as Lance phrased it, ‘got the hots for Shiro’s D.’ He would have probably told Shiro if he did, right? 

Yeah, definitely not. 

Shiro took a swig of his drink.

“Well, I’m biased, so Shiro’s definitely hotter.” Keith cleared his throat. “I mean, Shiro can probably bench press Hunk, which - no offence, Hunk, because we all know that you can bench press even Allura, and she has crazy dense bones-”

“None taken, buddy.” Hunk waved it off.

“-and you are a wonderful person and we love you. But _Shiro_ , dude. I’m blind, but I still have eyes. I can sense perfection when I’m near it.” Keith turned to Shiro with lopsided smile - one so strangely endearing yet unbelievably coy and suggestive - and took another gulp of his own drink. Shiro’s throat tightened uncomfortably, not because he was against being so praised, but _god_ did that smile do things to his head. He might just need to confiscate both Keith’s and Lance’s drinks before he actually chokes on his ego rising.

Lance opened his mouth, almost ready to protest but then he turned to Shiro and stared with an uncomfortable amount scrutiny before his expression neutralised and he nodded. Shiro could die from embarrassment right then and there as Pidge gave him a look and Hunk was ready to lose his shit. 

“Yeah, I see your point,” Lance agreed and gave him a pat on the back. “Dude, you’re certified as the hottest person on the team.”

“Uh… thanks?” Shiro laughed nervously. 

“No homo though.” Lance added.

Keith snickered, “Heh, yes homo, I’m gay.”

 _“What?"_ Shiro choked.

“What?”

Keith took another gulp of his drink, but his cup has long been empty and he awkwardly put it back down onto the table again as if he hadn’t just tried to escape the need to talk by drinking away his problems. And Shiro simultaneously wanted to do the same but also laugh at Keith’s blank stare into space - obviously he couldn’t help it, but it really did look like Keith was having a out of body moment. He was so red in the face that he could actually be mistaken for a tomato, given how his mullet almost resembled the tomato stalk. 

_It was cute_ , Shiro thought, smiling fondly at the carefree expression on Keith’s face. He could spend an entire day looking at Keith being happy. And especially that nose twitch, wrinkling his nose as if to scratch at it. 

“Shiro, did you just _booped_ Keith?” Pidge turned a flabbergasted expression towards him, and Shiro looked at her confusedly before realising that his hand did _indeed_ hover on the table, and his finger was still pointed towards Keith’s face. And Keith was touching his nose as if figuring out whatever has touched it.

Shiro’s eyes widened in a sudden realisation. He didn’t even remember doing it. _How much alcohol was in his drink?_

“Okay! That’s enough alcohol for one night, I think.” Shiro clapped his hands together, hopefully distracting everyone from the heat that’s rising to his own face. 

“I haven’t had any.” Pidge raised her hand.

Shiro pointed a finger at her. “You’re underage.”

She returned it with two finger guns and a grin. “I’m Italian. We’re in space. The concept of legal drinking age is now obsolete.”

“And I want a nap.” Lance grinned goofily before he decided to face plant into table they were sitting at. It was decisively the moment that Keith bursted into an uncontrollable laughter that they all agreed that it’s time to head back to the castle. 

They took a while, and by the time they got back, the wind has sobered Shiro up enough to know that Keith and Lance are definitely going to be hungover the day after. Hunk quickly volunteered to take Lance to bed, leaving Shiro to care for Keith whilst Pidge laughed at them because she knew that she was _beyond_ this kind of responsibility and she enjoyed her perks. 

Keith was incredibly easy to maneuver even when drunk, which made Shiro’s sober experience much better than it was with Matt this one time (he almost got concussed), and Adam this other time (who was an emotional drunk, despite how incredibly emotionless he seemed as an instructor). And Shiro made it to Keith’s room, completely free of any possible concussion.

He deposited Keith on the bed before running into the bathroom to get things sorted out. When he returned to search the drawers for clothes, what greeted him was Keith was already stripping off his jacket and shirt, leaving him in just the undersuit and his trousers. Then he strained in a ridiculous manners to reach the back-zipper of his undersuit, but seemingly failed and whined loudly when he gave up and shoved his face into his bed instead. 

Shiro felt his heart skipping beats at the unfathomable ridiculously endearing drunk Keith and his escapades to undressing. And then Keith was crying into the pillow, and Shiro swore to god that he hadn't done a single thing that night to upset him but he was sorry nonetheless. 

“Keith? Keith, oh my god, are you okay? Why are you crying? Did you hurt yourself?”

Keith mumbled something into the pillows, unwilling or perhaps unable to remove himself from it, prompting Shiro to help him into a sitting position again. “Come again?” He asked, kneeling down to try to unlace Keith’s boots. 

“It’s too hot in here and I can’t get my suit off.” Keith huffed. 

“Is that why you’re crying?”

“Yes!!!” He cried as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, with his face scrunching up in annoyance, and Shiro couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Stop laughing!” Keith swatted at his arm, which actually hurted more than it looked, despite how sloppily Keith had swung his arm. “I’ll overheat and die, Shiro! Do you know how mad I am? I’m going to die and I haven’t even gotten the chance to be an adult yet!” He yelled, turning his head from side to side as if he looking for something. “I can’t see my zipper.”

Keith’s eyes were unmoving beside the movement of his eyelids. The once violet iris that burned with a quiet intensity with every glance. But now, it seemed as if they were mixed with a faded grey and remained unfocused. Shiro’s previous mirth died slightly at the thought.

On the first week back at the castle, Shiro was the only one who heard Keith screaming in the middle of the night, came running for him, and was almost stabbed by Keith in his panicked haze. His eyes had been wide and crazed, and they both apologised profusely to each other afterwards. 

But what burned him more than fire, what struck him was far more terrifying than Keith swinging his knife at him with an unfathomable accuracy, was the screaming on the later nights. They were shorter, and by the time he got to Keith’s door, the screaming had turned into frantic, self-assuring speech. And Shiro did nothing.

His hand hovered over the palm scanner, trembling. He feared that one day when Keith wakes up from his nightmare, the first thing he would do would be to leave the castle altogether regardless of whether it was safe for him to do so. So he let Keith grieve alone and wait for him to find his way back because it was the only thing that he could offer - his unyielding support and patience when Keith decided that he needed it. 

“What do you mean?” Shiro pulled off one of Keith’s boots. “You already had your drunken adult experience.”

“When?”

 _Right now_ , Shiro smiled inwardly. “Remember that time when you and a couple of other cadets - I think even Griffin was there -”

“ _A_ grade asshole.” Keith scoffed. 

Shiro chuckled, “Well, you all had a splendid time on the rooftop, it seemed. Past curfew, nonetheless.”

“How do you know about it? You weren’t there, were you?”

“I know everything.” He smirked as he finished removing the abhorrent Garrison issued boots. “Stand up and turn around, I’ll get your zipper for you.”

He pulled Keith up by his arm to stand, and they made work to remove Keith from his trousers. Shiro tried his best to not be so specifically conscious about every bit of skin that was revealed. They’ve dressed and undressed in front of each other before - oh the joys of communal bathrooms - but they’ve been blessed with their own bathrooms at the castle. Shiro only now registered how Keith had grown from the lanky teenager to this lean and toned man in front of him as he pulled at the zipper behind Keith’s back, revealing scarred skin and taunt muscles with every centimetre that the undersuit is removed.

Keith stepped out of his suit, and Shiro stepped back to give him room, also to restrain himself from staring as the tight-fitting clothes came off. Then he helped him into a loose old t-shirt and shorts before situating him back onto the bed. 

“Better?” 

“It’s still too hot.” Keith pulled at the front of his shirt to fan himself, and Shiro’s eyes tuned to the prominent collarbones protruding beneath the very wide collared shirt. He sucked in a breath before managing a stilted laugh. “Well, you did chug an entire cup of alcohol that’s probably three times the strength of any regular spirit.”

Keith pouted, as if confused at Shiro’s words before he suddenly started to crack up in one of those “I-don’t-know-why-I’m-laughing-but-you’re-laughing-so-something-must-be-funny” kind of laugh. 

“No, it’s because of you!” He exclaimed as if reaching an epiphany. 

“Sorry?”

“You’re too hot! You’re heating up the room! What else could it be?” He slapped his forehead. “Stupid me. Of course it was Shiro.”

Shiro almost _choked_ on his breath when he audibly gulped. _Keith found him attractive_ , he repeated in his mind, as if it hadn’t already be reinforced at least three times in the last few hours. There was a bit of pride in knowing that, but at the same time, it was almost too difficult to not return the favour and admit that Keith is also very attractive. And if Shiro did that, he knew that it would assure him that this gravitation towards Keith was real, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to face that yet.

“Do you want me to leave?” he tried instead. 

Keith contemplated for a moment before shaking his head. “No.”

“You sure?”

“No, you’re actually just _very warm_. Not hot. Don’t leave.” The last two words were almost a plea, and oh _,_ _there_ are the butterflies in his stomach, if they could even be called that. Shiro was even surprised they took that long. He felt his mouth pulling into a grin. “Alright, buddy. Thanks for the compliment. Time for bed.” 

Keith practically melted into the be as his face hits the pillow, right on top of the sheets, and Shiro only smiled softly as he tried to wrestle the blanket from Keith’s strange frip and tuck him in. “Comfy?” 

Keith hummed contently, and Shiro mentally patted himself on the back for completing the job without spontaneously combusting and pushed himself off the ground to stand. He made half a step away from the bed before Keith suddenly called, “Shiro?” His hand was stretched outwards, waiting, and Shiro offered his own flesh hand out. 

Keith’s fingers were hard from years of studying the art of fixing hoverbike and the recent need for wielding blades and guns. But it was warm in Shiro’s hand, and the palm of his hand was softer than the calluses at the base of his fingers. The touch was brief, but Shiro savoured it so.

“Yeah?” he asked. Keith’s gaze was unfocused, but Shiro can’t help but feel his eyes on him, as if it were searching for something in Shiro’s soul. Keith was silent, and there was something desperate and pleading in the tight grip that Keith was holding him with. 

It was a while later that Keith finally said, “Nothing,” as if giving up, yet his hand did not loosen as if some part of him was still unconsciously reaching out. Suddenly there was an ache in Shiro’s chest that wanted to hold on just as tightly to that hand. 

But instead, he said, “Okay,” and gently pried the grip from his hand off and place it on Keith’s chest. 

The hair on Keith’s head was strewn across his face, and Shiro’s hand found its way to run through the sweat-damp strands away to where they bounced softly against the pillow. 

“Goodnight, Keith,” he whispered and walked out without a glance back until the door closed. His hands felt clammy, and he hadn’t even realised he was sweating until the cold air of the hallway hit him. He pulled his hands over his face, exhaling a long breath before making the trudge to his room, 

All the while, the footsteps echoing down the empty hallway did nothing to quell the thoughts in his mind, about the expanse of Keith’s back, the softness of his hand, and the yearning in his eyes and voice. He needed to stop thinking about it before he drove himself mad.

Yet the memory stayed in his mind until the late hours of night, and the warmth that filled his chest remained until the next morning when Keith emerged into the dining area, disheveled as he was but still holding a sort of gracefulness in his hungover state. And Shiro wondered when it was that Keith had taken so much space in his heart. 

The sounds in the training deck - strangely enough - soothed his nerves. And the rare occasions when Keith catches Shiro in the training deck at the same time was a bonus. There was something very rhythmic and constant in the way that Shiro fights, and Keith could somehow always predict what noise comes next from the middle of the deck. It was easy to let himself slip into one side of the deck and quell his own desire to try his hands with the gladiator when he listened to someone else fight. He supposed this was his way to make peace with the fact that he never would. 

“Keith! Didn’t hear you come in.” Shiro called to him after another round of training, panting slightly. “Not here to try the gladiator, are you?”

“No, I’m not stupid, thanks.” Keith rubbed his hands and reminded himself to smile. “Just came by to chill.” 

The fact was that he had something to discuss, but Keith wasn’t exactly sure how to bring it up in conversation without it exploding in his face. He heard the sounds of footsteps approaching him, then a soft shuffling as Shiro sat down in front of him to take a water break. “Did you sleep well?” Shiro asked, and there was a slight amusement in his tone. 

Keith almost asked why until he remembered that he just got drunk off his ass the night before because Lance handed him a drink that smelled too sweet to actually contain _that_ much alcohol. They were lucky that none of them ended up poisoned. He groaned. “Ugh, don’t you dare.”

“What? I’m just concerned.” He could feel Shiro’s shit-eating grin. “You were hit _pretty_ hard yesterday.” 

“I _know_. That’s why I have like, half a functional brain right now. Coran sent me out because he couldn’t handle me suffering anymore.” 

It would have been late afternoon if they were sticking to Krixe’s time measurements, but they weren’t on Krixe any longer, having taken off late morning to head for their next mission. Keith tried to get any sort of job done that morning, but his head was still pounding inside his brain and he was grateful that Coran actually sent him out.

“Do you remember anything from yesterday?” 

“Uh…” Keith drawled his words and racked his brain. “I remember Lance poisoning me?” 

“Yeah, Lance still didn’t regret that when he talked to me this morning. He handled the alcohol worse than you, by the way.” Shiro snickered. “Anything else?”

“I remember Hunk trying to play one of those carnival games. He won a watch, didn’t he?”

“Yeah. It’s pink - has barbies and flowers on it. Looked like something that Lance would wear willingly.”

“What even-” Keith spluttered at the mental image. He wouldn’t be surprised in the slightest if he ever saw Lance wear such an atrocity. Though the bigger question was how a barbie themed watch ended up at an alien festival. Shiro only shrugged in response. 

“Oh, and I remember you taking me back to my room - at least I hope it’s you, because I was saying your name the entire time, and that would have been awkward otherwise.”

Shiro chuckled, “Yeah, don’t worry. It was me.”

“Okay, _good_ ,” he laughed nervously. “I didn’t do anything stupid, did I?”

Shiro hummed slightly, and Keith could hear him scratching his head. “I don’t know. What would you define as _stupid_?”

“ _Shiro_ ,” he warned. “I didn’t try to like…” _kiss you_ “...do a backflip, did I?”

“No. But, uh…” Shiro cleared his throat “...you called me ‘hot’?”

 _Oh_ . Keith could probably shove his head under a rock and call it a day now. No one would say anything, right? He _was_ hungover afterall. “Oh my god.” He dropped his face into his hands, and Shiro had the audacity to laugh in front of him. 

“Actually no. You said I was _hot_ , and I was heating up the room. And I asked if you wanted me to leave, but then you fixed your words and said I’m ‘just warm’ instead.” Shiro recalled, and Keith definitely wanted to dig a hole now. His drunk-self might as well have confessed his stupid unconditional affections for Shiro - actually he might have and Keith really didn’t want to think about it. His head was hurting too much already. 

“I thought it was pretty funny… and cute.” Shiro said.

“Of course you do!” Keith rubbed his temples. Oh _great_ , now his face was definitely red, given how warm it feels. _Cute_ , he couldn’t even believe Shiro would ever use that word with regards to _him_. No one ever calls him cute. Prickly _?_ Yes. Asshole? Yes. Cute _?_ _What the fuck?_

“You weren’t the one that’s drunk. You’re the one being called _hot_!” 

“Nowhere as much as you, uh-.”

“What?” 

Shiro coughed. “I should be cleaning up before dinner.”

“No, you were saying something.” 

“Too bad you didn’t hear it the first time.” Shiro shuffled quickly to get up, prepared to run away, but Keith knew enough and heard enough to guess at where Shiro was still trying to get on his feet. And Keith wanted to know because he definitely didn’t hear it wrong, but the implications behind every syllable Shiro spoke… Keith could indulge himself to embarrass them both if Shiro’s words rung as true as Keith’s feelings.

“Wait, Shiro! Don’t you dare leave!” He screeched like a five year old jumping from the tallest slide in the playground, and with less than stellar of a prediction on where Shiro was positioned, he _jumped_ on him. 

Keith almost ended up on the floor, flat on his face, but he didn’t - _Aha!_ \- and instead he landed straight into Shiro’s lap, holding tightly to his arm that he ended up toppling over with a shout, falling almost right on top of Keith, who had his breath knocked out of him as his back hit the floor.

“God! Don’t do that! I could have crushed you!” He felt the harsh breath right above his face. And Keith was _very_ aware of the warm body pressing into his sides, the two limbs on either side of his head, and the leg that had swung over his waist. Shiro’s body towered his own so easily, as if it were practiced motions. Keith felt dizzy and the pounding in his head had only increased tenfold by the impact with the ground and his heartbeat thrumming in his ears. 

“Tell me what you said.” He said again with all seriousness and curiosity, and Shiro chuckled with an incredulous amazement in his tone. “You’ll be the death of me in the most literal sense, Keith.” 

He removed himself from their proximity and pulling Keith up with him, but Keith resisted, pulling right back at him playfully with a smirk graced on his lips. “Come on,” he teased, “I’ll keep a secret.”

“Not today. I will, I promise," Shiro said sincerely, and it took a few seconds before Keith finally relented and let it go with a groan, allowing himself to be dragged away from the room with Shiro’s hand on his back to guide him - the drone hovering right beside them. 

But just as they were about the cross the threshold into the hallway, Keith finally remembered what he actually came to find Shiro for. He stopped suddenly, bringing them both to a halt that startled Shiro. 

“Keith?”

“I actually came here to tell you something.” He started, chewing on the inside of his cheek. Shiro waited patiently for him to continue, and Keith wished he hadn’t. He wished Shiro would just question and invade Keith’s sense of privacy every once in a while, just so he wouldn’t have to try and reach out instead.

“I think you I should leave the team.”

A hand instantly gripped his shoulder. “What”

“Actually I was planning some Coalition allied planets that-”

“Why- Keith, where did this come from?”

It came from many things that Keith didn’t want to say. From the very moment that Kolivan sent him back to the castle that he left in the first place because he wasn’t needed, from the moments when the team would be discussing their plans then run off to do their duties whilst Keith stood diligently, left behind to the white noise of the bridge and Coran’s quiet humming, and from the moments where he woke up to darkness, and only darkness, no matter what he wished. 

“I’ve been thinking about it for a while, and I’ve talked to Allura about it. She’s perfectly fine with it. And it’s not like you guys would need my help much these days. You’ve been managing fine without me.” It was the truth: he was an excess, and it felt as if they were holding onto him out of some sympathy and sense of duty as friends - which Keith appreciated, but it hurted nonetheless. 

“Keith, you’ve always been part of the team, and-”

“And you don’t need me on the team.” Keith reaffirms with a sad but honest smile. “I’m not needed. Not by you, nor the Blades. And… I don’t know. I just think that at least if I go back to Earth, I might be able to bring some additional information that commander Holt hasn’t had updates on. At least then I’ll get something done.”

“Is this what it is about? You feel as if you aren’t contributing how you wanted?”

In ways Shiro was right. He didn’t like diplomacy - he didn’t have a natural talent for it like Coran, nor was he groomed into it like how Allura, nor did he even like it. It was always just a replacement, something to do with his time to make himself useful and avoid the notion that he was absolutely, spectacularly unneeded. “I just think that… If I’m just another burden here, then-”

“You’re not a burden, Keith.”

“I almost ruined one of our most important alliances, Shiro. If Pidge hadn’t stepped in, then the Coalition would have to find another way around that food shortage problem and-”

“What happened on Plaxofler was not your fault. The guy was asking to be punched in the face.”

“But we almost failed.” Keith could still remember the painful and hurtful sneers that reminded him of his heritage and his most unsubtle blindness, making him feel as if he ran on a different clock to the rest of the world - as if time has ceased to pass since the moment he lost his vision, but he was the only one standing still whilst the world continue to move on. 

“To be honest with you, I’ve been a bit… lost, lately. And really the chances of us coming across another asshole like that is higher than you would expect. And it wouldn’t really make a difference if I left. I think it would just be easier on everyone.”

There were billions of others across the galaxy that were going to hate the Galra, regardless of whether they knew about the actual Galra citizens that dread the ongoing war as much as those colonised do. There were billions out there that would recognise the Galra blood in Keith and the only thing they would see would be Galra. And there are going to be people out there that will always look down upon him for being _this_. 

The night when the alliance was finalised, the hurtful sneers stayed in his mind and he wasn’t sure if it were because he had been feeling like crap more often than not as of late, or because it were true and he didn’t want to admit it. They were deprecating and aimed to hurt, belittling him to what he had always feared himself to be: entirely too ordinary with a shadow so small it barely casted atop anything; just Keith. Just regular Keith from the desert with an old hoverbike, with a goal that’s as momentary as the sand in his clothes. 

And nobody wanted _just Keith_.

“But I need you,” Shiro said, softly, unabashedly, and in a way so kind that it made Keith’s throat close up. “Trust me when I say that you are important to the team. Without you, Allura and Coran would probably be running themselves to the ground with this extra work with the Coalition. Without you, Pidge wouldn’t have been able to act like an actual teenager her age because we all know that she opens up to you the most. And Lance's been making more bad jokes, Hunk is enjoying your company, and... I miss you.

“I miss having you around, and being able to talk to someone about anything and everything without worrying about what the rest of the world is doing. But,” Shiro sighed. “I can’t stop you if you want to go.”

 _I missed you, too_ , Keith could admit. And it would be painful when he does leave, but even more so if Keith admitted to himself to both of them that he wanted to always be in Shiro’s presence, to breath the same air, to be under the same sky.

He wondered how much more painful it would be if he indulged in the idea of them having something _more_ \- if Shiro had given into his earlier teases - and how much his resolve to leave would crumble and and destroy him slowly from the inside when he looked back to think of all the thing he could have had. So Keith nodded, holding himself just in case he decided to do something stupid again. 

“Thanks, Shiro. It means a lot to me to hear that.”

“I wish you wouldn’t leave though.” The hand on his shoulder squeezed gently. “When are you planning to leave?”

“I was actually planning for it to be after we leave Krixe.” Keith sucked in a long breath to steel himself against the disappointment in Shiro’s tone. _S_ _oon_ , was the answer. Possibly in a couple of vargas, or perhaps even some movements. He didn’t have much to pack physically, but he had emotional baggages to take care of - such as the very prominent, outrageously unsubtle attraction he had for for a kind man who saw pass the hard demeanour that Keith held, who may just return Keith’s affections if given time. 

“Oh.” Shiro said under his breath, startled and if perhaps mournful. “So soon…”

The soft words were ripping the seams of his carefully built resolves apart. There was conflict between Keith’s desire to stay and take what could be _his_ and his most currently prevalent fears that he will never be good enough for the team - good enough to deserve this person in front of him. Not when he couldn’t even _look_ at Shiro in the eye and tell him everything. 

Though, he wanted to - Keith wanted to tell him everything, to unload every bit of his baggages and tell him, unfair as it maybe to let Shiro drown in it whilst Keith was light years away. And it wasn’t as if they would ever come to anything now, not with the hot mess that he was at the moment. Maybe if he said it now, he could remove one less regret in his life, even if it felt wrong to do so, even if he hoped for a reply from Shiro but dreaded to actually hear it. 

It doesn’t have to come to anything, and it probably won’t anyways. Keith was selfish that way, and he was a coward when it came to Shiro. He cared too much about what Shiro’s opinions of him were to actually want to live with Shiro’s rejection whilst cohabiting this space with him. He opened his mouth with words heavy on his tongue. “Shiro, I-”

“One mission.”

Keith reeled in his words. “Sorry?”

“Stay for one last mission with us. For old time’s sake, and also for me to prove that you are important to this team.” Shiro offered. “Please?”

It was dangerous to accept any more time on the castleship being surrounded by all of his friends, and most of all Shiro, who could unravel his plans with a simple words. Just words, and suddenly Keith couldn’t find his prior resolve.

 _I’m not giving up on you_. _Don’t give up on yourself_. 

Shiro had always been too hopeful and kind. For the first time in a while, Keith didn’t want that kindness. But he owed Shiro this much, at least. This one small mission compared to the unending trust Shiro had for him.

Keith smiled slightly. One last time, he’ll do it one last time - _for Shiro_. 

“Okay. One last time. One last mission.” _For you_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I accidentally drank beer when I was 6 so legal drinking age really is a myth for me. Also I love gay panicking - it's just a great trope and a very real thing that's just absolutely hilarious if youre that person that your gay friend goes up to. I was talking to my [straight] friend about it, and he was like “WTF is gay panicking” and also “you have a kink.”  
> to which im just... speechless.  
> ALSO i am now abroad and dying becuz why is uni so damn complicated. i saw my tuesday schedule and died inside because apparently i have a prac at 6 fucking pm and ends at 8pm, like bro plz my house is an hour away from campus plz spare me the stalkers and insects in the wee hours of night.  
> i really appreciate comments so leave them as you please!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thus began the final mission with Voltron.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can't believe we're on chapter 3 alr?

“Approaching rendezvous point.” Shiro’s announcement vibrated through Black’s cockpit as he eyed the map on his screen. “And remember to not remove your helmet or armour at any point in time.”

The signal they had received weeks ago via their ally were indeed a distress call from a planet called Tarousse - and much like Earth they were the only habitable planet in their own solar system, but unlike Earth, they were far more advanced, hence the long distance encrypted messages. As per usual, the Paladins quick to depart on their lions as the castle stabilised in a geostationary orbit of Tarousse and remained above ground for communications and backup whilst the paladins carried out their mission - the last mission that Keith would be joining them for, at least until their next unscheduled return to Earth since they left in the first place. 

The team took the news with as much grace as Shiro did, which is to say none at all. And like him, they tried to make more arguments that left Keith a little more than tired of having to hear the same thesis reiterated in four different ways, over and over. And Shiro tried to not dwell too much on how Keith twitched ever so slightly as if he was fighting against his own impulse to run from all of this, and for how long Shiro hadn’t noticed it.

“Copy that.” The Paladins resounded as the planet’s surface came to view. Even from afar, the planet seemed like vast deserts with only the splodges of what seemed to be bodies of waters. But where they were going barely had any, not 

“The entire surface of the planet is like desert or something. There’s nothing on the ground, not even like… alien cactus or anything.” Lance commented. “Also where exactly are we heading?” 

“Were you even at debrief?” Pidge groaned, and Shiro can practically feel her eyes roll through the comms, even if he weren’t looking at her in the holoscreens. 

“No, I slept through it. Had a late night yesterday and I accidentally slept in.” 

“One could only wonder what you get up to in the wee hours of night, Lance.”

“Not anything that you would want to try, Pidgey.”

“ _Lance.”_ A collective sigh escaped the mass, including Shiro, who wondered if it were possible to coerce Black into helping him defenestrate Lance out of the Blue Lion’s cockpit right then and there. Meanwhile, Lance returned the collective disapproval with only a mirthful and easy laugh. 

“What? I was cleaning my room! Honestly, you guys are nasty.” He clicked his tongue. “I can’t believe you would think that I would soil Pidge’s poor, brilliant, innocent mind like that. I am a responsible pseudo-older brother, you know.”

“ _Ugh_ , please don’t call yourself that. I have one brother roaming somewhere in the galaxy already. And who made _you_ my pseudo-older brother?”

“Aren’t we all technically your pseudo-older brothers, by this point?” Keith teased, and the Paladins all gave an amused laugh with the view of barren land in front of them. The words were true in a way - Pidge was the youngest of them all and it was hard to not feel protective over this small family they’ve created for themselves in the time that has passed. 

And it would be hard to let them go as well, after this mission.

The morning filled Shiro with a kind of dread that ruined his breakfast, and he wasn’t sure if it was because this was going to be potentially Keith’s last mission with them, or because he had been thinking about Keith’s even more reclusive nature as of late. Shiro could only guess it was Keith’s attempt to withdraw his presence from the team to protect both him and the rest of them from the heartache when he does leave. 

This has happened before, almost two years ago between the time in which the Kerberos mission was announced to the public and the rocket’s launch. 

Avoidance tactics were Keith’s way of coping with lost, but it was painful to watch as he began to drift from them willingly. This last mission was a last ditch attempt to stall time, because Keith’s tendency to run away from emotional pains could only be dealt with through the thing he was avoiding _with_ . And Shiro had to try for Keith and his troubled heart beneath the apathy, anger and impulsiveness. Well, _that_ and perhaps also for some selfish motives to hold Keith close to him for a little longer.

“We’re meeting a rebel Taroussene group in one of their outposts.” Allura’s voice pulled Shiro from his thoughts. “The Taroussenes are almost nocturnal people with cities that are built underground. And they come to the surface sparingly at night. Their planet is close enough to their sun to make radiation levels above ground similar to that you would experience in space, which is why you have to keep your helmet and armour on at all times. 

“The people have evolved to live underground, hence they have incredible vision in dark environments, and a similarly incredible way with technology. Their cities underground are perhaps one of the most magnificent that I have ever come to witness in my lifetime.”

“Like the Olkari?” Lance raised his eyebrows.

“I think so.” Pidge added. “The Olkari’s relationship with technology was mutualistic symbiosis, connected on an almost spiritual level. Keith, you said they were good engineers?”

Keith hummed in agreement as the lions touched down in one of the caves. “They are. But apparently they have a very strong bond with their surroundings, nature or technology alike, to the point where scientists even theorise that they can tap into quintessential energy within things. I guess was how they managed to adapt so quickly despite the added difficulty of having to live underground. It’s more like the druid’s magic than the Olkari’s tech. Very much _alien voodoo._ ”

“Wait, where did you learn about that? I haven’t seen anything as such when I read the files.” Coran questioned.

“It wasn’t on the casteship’s file. It was in this recording that I found from some scientists conducting experiments on quintessence, and they referenced this particular planet as a major contributor to the research.”

Lance made a frustrated groan, “Can you all speak normal? Quintessential energy? What does that mean?”

“It’s nothing you need to worry about Lance.” Keith’s voice was perhaps equally disapproving. “All you need to know is that there are Galra presence nearly everywhere in their major cities, and there’s a rebellion group living just below where you’ve landed. We’ve sent a returning message and one of their representatives should be meeting you there. They said that he should be carrying a beckoning signal that resembles ones they sent us.”

“Uh-” Hunk awkwardly called and pointed into the deeper part of the caves. “Does that representative happen to have four arms? Because I think that’s him.” 

Emerging from behind one of the large boulders was indeed a six-limbed being, with four being their hands, two that were feet, covered by vaguely ashened skin with seemingly freckles across every bit of his limbs. On his hip were small satchels holding various things, and in one of their raised hand were a device that flashed blue lights softly in a peculiar pattern. 

He introduced himself as Muer, and Shiro returned the gesture by individually introducing the Paladins. Muer nodded at them politely. “It is an honour to meet you all. Please follow me. It is better if we go underground before we discuss anything else.”

“Alright. Coran, Keith? We’re heading under. Any final information or things to look out for?” Shiro called, looking instinctively out of the cave into the sky. Keith was sitting dutifully at his place in the bridge when Shiro left, and he wondered if Keith was propping his legs on his monitor again whilst listening in on their comms, perhaps with his permanent scowl that Lance dubbed as the resting-bitch-face, but Shiro found endearing nonetheless.

“None from me.” He heard Coran reply. There was a moment of silence in which Shiro expected Keith to say something, but nothing came through and he swallowed his disappointment. 

“Alright. Comms are staying online. We’ll be heading off.”

“Be careful, guys,” Keith said softly. And somehow the tension in Shiro’s shoulders evaporated slightly, and he smiled slightly towards the sky, even if no one could see it. 

“We will,” he promised, and stepped deeper into the cave.

The tunnels were long and winding as they followed the Muer. Shiro must have missed his footing at least twice during their walk due to the request from Muer to use minimal lighting. And the fears became logical when they emerged into a giant cavern, stretching on for distances they could barely tell. 

Muer explained, “There are usually barely any lights so far out of the city where a majority of Galra troops are. We try to keep minimal lighting here, on the outskirts, to reduce suspicions of activity.” 

“Is that what that is?” Pidge pointed to a distant soft glow. “The city?”

“Yes. Ronan. One of our major cities. Our base is close by here, however.” 

“Muer, if you don’t mind me asking: what damage has already been done to your planet by the Galra?” Allura treaded carefully. 

“Our leader will discuss that with you when we arrive.” 

“Of course. But if you could tell us a little bit about their operation now, it would be much quicker for us later, don’t you agree?” 

Shiro slid slowly down the dusty slope, coming to a halt just as Muer glanced up to them from his position on the lower path. There was something about that gaze that sent a chill up his spine - it wasn’t unpleasant, but entirely unexpected - making him hold his breath for a moment. But then the feeling was gone, and Muer removed his eyes from them. “The Galra came to us at least half a century ago. They terrorised our cities closest to the surface, destroying the caverns and bulldozed their way in with their giant cruisers.

“All of our major cities are run by a Galra government. And they run some sort of test on us, then they take our people away. None had ever returned.”

“Do you know why your people would be useful to the Galras?” Allura asked

“For some sinister purpose to aid the expansion of their empire, I’m sure. It’s almost harder to be the one that stays behind to watch our planet crumble with every footsteps that the Galras take here. But we try to keep hope and have faith.” 

“That’s terrible,” Keith uttered, even if Muer couldn’t hear him. Behind Shiro, Allura was pensive as she turned her head towards Ronan. And if anyone could understand the feeling of being the one left behind to face the aftermath of the Galra’s destruction, it would be Allura.

And Shiro? Shiro knew better than all of them what it was to be under Galra enslavement so far from home. “We’ll do everything in our powers to help you, Muer.” Shiro said firmly, surprising himself with how easy the words rolled of his tongue, practiced and unwavering, true to the very last intonation.

“I hope so too,” Muer replied with the same determination, nodding respectfully. “I hope Voltron is everything we’ve heard and hoped it to be.”

They were led through a number of tunnels and caverns passing through a particular one that housed what seemed to look like a forest underground. And deep within the forest emerged a clearing that has been taken over for farming. A cottage-like structure poked above the ground, inconspicuous and entirely too mundane. But as Muer crouched to the Earth and placed his hands upon the threshold of the gates, letters and strange symbols alighted on the ground around the cottage, and the front steps split into two to reveal a long winding staircase. 

“Is there like a biometric scanner installed in the ground?” Pidge perked up in fascination. 

“Yes. It scans for quintessential energy.”

The staircase led to another cavern deep under, buzzing with activities in every path they took. Pidge continues to question Muer on the small oddities that she comes across, and Muer patiently tried to explain to her to the best of his abilities. Shiro hadn’t exactly paid attention, but judging from the perplexed and borderline frustrated looks that Pidge had, followed by Hunk’s pitying look, it meant that neither of them understood much about how tech worked on this strange planet yet. They were advanced, if not as much as the Galra’s tech, but somehow more organic and mysterious, so much that even Allura was a bit taken aback by the revelation that almost all of their technology requires an almost effortless sensitivity to energy. 

_Alien voodoo_ , Keith had said. It seemed true enough. 

The following vargas were spent discussing the state of the planet and the Galra colony - to which they all listened with rapt attention, harbouring a certain amount of disdain and seriousness that came with the sobering knowledge of the destruction done to the Taroussenes.

Though they did not need not look even to Taroussene to see such horrors.

“In six days, they’ll be sending away another ship full of Taroussenes,” the rebel leader - Saebth told them. “Those that will be taken are already rounded up and housed in the old industrial area, possibly in the cavern that stored aviation and astronomical machines. Their ships…” He rotated the holographic map of the underground city, pointing next to the warehouse. “...are parked here. It’s the area with the most number of Galra fighters, guards and sentries. Our priority is to save those in the warehouse. Secondary to that is destroying the fleets parked there.”

Shiro nodded in his seat at the long table. In front of him, the map hovered with a blue light that resembled the maps in the castle’s bridge, though much smaller, showing a 3D model of the city. Around him, the paladins sat, and a screen Keith and Coran from the castle lied on the table. “How many people do you estimate that they’ve taken captive?”

Muer looked down to his datapad. “A little more than a hundred, according to our intel.”

“That’s too many for the lions to hold. We have to take down the base first before we could get them out safely.” Lance grimaced slightly. “Wait, can our lions even get down here? The way we came in was way too small.”

“There are tunnels that we’ve built to allow ships below ground. Most are blocked off by the Galra, but we’ve managed to create an alternative tunnel in recent decaphoebs. It hasn’t been used often, seeing that we hardly needed it until now.”

“We might need a distraction,” Allura decided. “With this number of cruisers in the city, it is best if we spread their forces thin and take them down one by one. Please remind me, but how many are there?”

“Five,” Keith supplied, “Conveniently, one for each lion. But we can’t risk the cruisers going over the city. Even if you manage to destroy it, the collateral damage could raze the city to the ground. We can’t risk turning it into a battlefield.” His eyes were slightly narrowed with focus, even if he couldn’t see them. 

Through the screens, it was difficult to realise that Keith was blind, unless they paid attention just to how the violet in his eyes are slightly faded and his unfocused gaze. Which was probably why Keith opted to sit out on a lot of face-to-face meetings since Plaxofler. He did most debriefs via his screens now, where he can participate without being questioned too heavily about his capability. Not that the Taroussenes were even bothered by it, seeing that they were equally as bad as seeing in the light.

“Lure them to the outskirts, fight them there. Then come back to save the people. That sounds more logical, doesn’t it?” Pidge questioned. 

“We could take the fight above ground. That’ll give us more room to form Voltron, and it will protect the people underneath.” Shiro suggested.

“But there aren’t just five cruisers on the planet. There’s five stationed in the this specific city. A distress signal will immediately go off once one of them are taken down, and we aren’t sure about how quickly they’ll be able to respond. If we take down all five but can’t make it back to the warehouse in time, then our mission would drag on indefinitely, risking even more casualties,” Keith sighed. He looked tired, and Shiro wondered if he even slept for an hour the night before. 

Shiro turned to the Taroussenes. “Actually, there’s always at least one cruiser near the warehouse, aren’t there?”

“Yes, for security measures.” Saebth nodded.

“How well do your people know Galra cruisers and fighters?”

“Well enough to destroy them when necessary.”

“Well enough to fly one?”

Keith’s eyes widened. “You’re suggesting that we take over one of their cruisers?”

“It’s one less ship to worry about, and we can even use it as a disguise to get those people out of there safely.” 

“Not a bad idea, Shiro.” Coran pulled slightly at his mustache. “Take it over and unload them into one of the safe rebel bases. Or even fly them to one of the Coalition’s rebel bases.” 

“That might work. We could take one of their ships, then take out the other four, preferably underground in order to reduce alarms, regroup at the castle and then prepare for the next mission afterwards.” Allura nodded. 

“That sounds like an oversimplification of the task at hand,” Hunk pointed out, “But I guess it’s the best we’ve got right now.”

“We already have people undercover, working in the docking areas that should be able to tell us the suitable time. And our other agents in the facility will be able to help us take off the cruiser without drawing alarms.” Muer suggested.

“The Castle can only provide backup above ground, unfortunately. So you’ll be on your own when it comes to the worst of it,” Coran reminded them with a slightly worried look at Allura, specifically. 

“We’ll try our best to not require your aid, Coran.” Allura pressed a reassuring smile on her face. “Then it is settled. Anymore questions?” Everyone shook their heads, and she stood up, eyes gleaming with confidence. “Let’s get to work.”

  


6 DAYS UNTIL MISSION: 001,   
PLANET CODE: TR-3051

The paladins came back all in Green, leaving the other four lions in their protective force field, hidden in the caves to reduce suspicious above ground activities. They brought Muer with them as the messenger and adviser for Voltron whilst the Paladins made preparations and contacted Coalition allies.

“For backup, in the worst case scenario. But I don’t think we’ll need it,” Allura assured the Muer, who was dutiful in his work, yet at the same time imposing and if a bit skeptical of their work.

There were debriefs that refined the mission’s details, and though Keith hardly participated in them when it involved too much graphic referencing, he was there for a fair chunk of time to discuss logistics and the feasibility of their tactics - being with the Blades for so long did come with its own set of training outside of just recon skills. 

Though throughout the meetings and planning, there was a tension that permeated the air that Keith must be imagining. And he wasn’t sure if it were just his nervousness about this final mission of his, or because of Muer and his slight skepticism, untrusting in a way that wasn’t personal but unpleasant nonetheless. 

It was Keith’s last mission with the team, and paranoia be damned, but he wanted to be cautious. 

When he brought his suspicions to Shiro (over a bowl of food goo that he will never come to love and would rather “keel over and die because of my hatred for it”), Shiro only placed the plate onto the table and guided Keith’s hand to the spoon, prompting him to eat - which he did, with a slight grimace. 

“One of these days, you will learn to acquire the taste buds for it.” 

“You mean when I die?” 

“Don’t speak like that,” Shiro said with a slight weariess to his tone and a clatter of utensils against his own portion of goo. “And what makes you think that Muer is uh… untrustworthy?”

“There’s this feeling I have. And I’m not sure if it’s just because it’s our first mission in a while that would require more than just diplomacy and words and I’m just paranoid that things will go badly, but…” He bit the inside of his mouth, not quite sure how to explain himself without sounding insane. It’s one thing to be fearful of your opponent when you’re a good judge of character. 

It’s one thing to be fearful of your opponents when they have reputation and you’re a good judge of character, but it’s another when you’re judging someone after one video call and conversations in a war room meeting, where everyone is tense and wary all the time. Things like that required _observation_ , and Keith has little to no foundation to back any arguments he has besides his weird gut feeling. 

“He looks trustworthy, if that’s what you’re wondering.” Shiro reached for his hand and squeezed it gently. Keith tried not to think too much of the gesture - he tried not to think too much of the feel of the hard skin on Shiro’s palm that underwent many years of military training and a year of fighting in the Gladiator yet somehow could still be so grounding, soothing as his thumb rubbed over the back of Keith’s hand. It spoke some sort of feelings that Keith wasn’t sure that either of them wanted to address just yet at this point in time.

So instead, Keith calmed the tremor in his hand with a shake of his head. “I don’t know. Be cautious, though. I don’t want for us to regret it if I’m right.”

“Don’t stress yourself with it, Keith.”

The days following were a frenzy of activities as they ran against the clock. Reconnaissance was conducted with the Taroussenes early in the day and ended successfully with a close call that had the entire bridge holding its breath. It was so still that the white noise in the background nearly drove Keith insane. 

Keith excused himself to join Hunk for the late breakfast/lunch/afternoon snack (he wasn’t sure which anymore considering how much time the mission took from their day), and plopped down at the dining table with his head resting on the cool surface with a satisfied groan. 

“Mood, dude.” Hunk drawled in agreement. “You’d think after the hundredth time doing this, you would get used to it and stop feeling like your stomach will do a flip every time something almost goes wrong. But no, every time it happens, I feel like throwing up as if I was getting on a jet for the first time.”

“Probably gonna take until your thousandth time to stop throwing up.” Keith chuckled. “But don’t beat yourself up about it, Hunk. You’ve come a long way.” 

“We all have.” Hunk said with a slight softness to his voice that Keith hoped was what people called _fondness_ , if a bit nostalgic. It was rare to hear these days, almost as rare genuine happiness, and Keith found himself smiling a bit as well. 

“Hey, how’s the drone working out for you?”

The drone beeped, signalling its position and attentiveness. It almost reminded Keith of a robot he’d seen from a practically ancient space movie with laser swords and some guy with a really bat respirator. But at the least the movie managed to predict hyperspace and aliens right - though the former might need some reworking if the movies should ever shared across the galaxy, lest they cause another intergalactic war by insulting possibly any species in the known universe. 

“It’s cool. I haven’t had any trouble with it so far.”

“You named it yet?”

Keith blinked. “I have to name it? Why?”

“I mean why not? You’ve been using it for like- how long now?”

“I don’t know, I thought it would just… tell me?”

“Naw, man. Drones are like pets - well at least this one that me and Pidge programmed for you is. You name your pets. Pets don’t tell you their names.” Hunk sniggered slightly, and perhaps Keith would have felt some semblance of embarrassment if it weren’t for something prickling on his skin, something making his hair stand upon its end like a jostled feline. 

Something or someone was watching them. 

“I’ll think about it.” Keith said with less attention to the conversation than required to continue it. But _there_ , right in the distance, there were feelings he couldn’t quite place: apprehension, judgement, and… _hope_? 

They were emotions flooding into his senses, and Keith couldn’t figure out why he was feeling it at all when the emotions _weren’t his_. And that was most frightening was how intrusive, but perhaps vulnerable it was to be able to feel someone else’s emotions without knowing where it came from nor how it was possible. 

“Uh, Keith?” Keith jumped at the sound of Hunk’s voice ringing in his ears again. “You alright?”

He glanced towards where he last felt the strange emotions welling up within him, making him wonder if it were just some paranoia from the poor sleep he had last night, or something beyond science and rationality. Then abruptly, like a wind passing by, the feelings stopped, leaving behind an echo on his mind and a skin crawling thought that _someone was watching them_. 

“Sorry, I thought I felt someone watching us.”

“We’re the only ones in here, Keith.” Hunk shifted uncomfortably in his seat, and Keith was sure his words were unsettling to Hunk as the _feelings_ were for Keith. Even more so when it made Keith sound like a batshit crazy psychic. 

He sighed, shaking his head as if it would dispel the lingering _foreign_ emotions. “You still up for some stress baking later? I’d love to join.” Keith smiled, hoping it would stop Hunk’s nervous tapping on the table. 

Hunk took the suggestion eagerly, immediately discarding his thoughts with a simple subject change. Meanwhile, Keith sat, listening, and his mind still circling around the strange presence that hovered over him like an invisible veil. 

  


5 DAYS UNTIL MISSION: 001,   
PLANET CODE: TR-3051

He later told Allura about it because if there’s anyone that would know about those kinds of thing, it would be her.

“You don’t think Muer is plotting against us, do you? Or the Taroussenes, in general?” Allura’s tone was borderline insulted on behalf of the entire planet they were trying to save, and Keith tried not to flinch at her words, cutting as they are.

“I’m not accusing them of anything. But… Allura, you know how it is. It’s just a _feeling_. And I don’t know if I’m going insane or it’s something that we need to be cautious of,” he said, and he really hoped he was going crazy for once. 

Keith didn’t trust a whole lot of things, but if there was one thing that his instincts have taught him, it was that the nagging at the back of his mind was almost always right. Somehow it always is, and Keith stopped questioning the universe ages ago after a blue mechanical lion in the desert flew into space. 

He sensed the Blue Lion before, only very faintly, but enough to pull him across the desert. And the lion radiated with an immense amount of quintessence relative to one small being such as the Taroussene. What he felt couldn’t be Muer, could it? And if it was, then what was the _apprehensiveness_ that he felt? 

Allura assured him that she hadn’t felt any such presence, and he wasn’t sure that he should correct her when her knowledge on this mystical subject exceeded his by thousands of years. 

“Alright. I’ll keep an eye on it since it worries you. Thank you for letting me know, Keith.” Allura finally said in understanding. “In the meantime, please don’t do anything brash and be civil. I still hope our worries are unfounded.”

Try as he did, Keith’s anxieties only quelled slightly at Allura’s words. And it didn’t particularly help that no one thought it was a bad idea to leave a yet-to-be-judged stranger into the castle without even the slightest supervision, or at least even establishing ground rules. Though they were well past that point by now, after over a day of Muer being on board, and their carelessness only signalled their excitement to get back into action after months of inactivity. Though Keith couldn’t hold too much against the team when even he would admit to take these missions over another Coalition summit any day. 

But they had to be smart about it, and perhaps Keith could cut the team some slack when his worries might just be unfounded, as Allura suggested. So he paid attention at debriefs and social interactions with Muer because he’d rather apologise for being rude than regret it later. 

The strange feelings never returned the day after, however, and Keith retreated to one of the castle’s meeting rooms with a holoscreen and earphones plugged into one ear (in case alarms started blaring through the castle) to go through more work. 

And it was also where Muer found him completely unguarded and surprised. 

“You must be Keith,” he said with slight nervousness, though Keith wasn’t about to forgive him so easily for jumping on him like that. 

“You must be Muer.” Keith echoed. 

“Sorry for interrupting your work, but princess Allura and her second in command, Coran, had suggested for me to come to you for a particular inquiry.”

That sounded unlike them - if anything, the castle’s bridge held the most information in the entire castle, followed by Pidge’s lab. Keith would have been the second person that they would ever send to for information, but he wasn’t about to say that. “How can I help you?”

“I believe we’ve shaken the wrong hand.”

Keith blanked. Universal translators are tricky, glitching almost as badly as the obsolete Google Translate that the cadets used for gags sometimes. “Sorry?”

“Uh, in our culture, we bring our best hand out to shake, and shaking the wrong hand means we’ve made a bad first impression.” Muer approached with the soft padding of his foot sounding on the carpeted room. “May I?”

“May you…?”

“May I sit next to you?”

Perhaps it was a little while too long after that Keith nodded in approval. _Be civil_ , Allura said, and Keith sure as hell hope his acting skills are up to par with Allura’s patience for bullshit, though perhaps he shouldn’t be overly confident about it. “What made you believe that you’ve given me a bad impression?”

Muer took an audible breath. “I’m sure that you’ve read much about our people. And I apologise for being an unwelcoming presence in the castle, and I’m here to reassure you that your fears of me are uncalled for as I am only seeking your help for my people.”

“O-oh.” Taken aback was perhaps an accurate way to describe how he felt. That wasn’t exactly what he was expecting. “Uh… thank you, I guess.” He could almost slap himself. ‘ _I guess?’_ Give the man anxiety, why not, Keith? 

“What I meant to say is…” He scratched his head and huffed to the ceiling. “Sorry, I hadn’t expected that. And you’ve done nothing wrong though. I should apologise instead for making you think that I hold any animosity towards you, and I _don’t_ , by the way.” He added, just to save his ass in case Alllura tries to hammer his ass about it later. 

“But you do.”

“Uh, I don’t.” Keith reaffirms, trying to uphold a smile on his face. 

“Please, you don’t have to lie for my sake. I can sense it in your aura.”

 _Alien voodoo_ . It was a term that Hunk came up with just as a joke to make Coran’s explanations of the mystical bonds with the lions. Somehow it’s now stuck with the paladins as a term for _things no one but Allura or Coran could understand_. “Nonetheless, sorry. I might have been through some… unpleasant things that made me less than a good company.” 

“It must have been hard to lose something as important as your sight in a fight.”

Keith held his breath. _How?_ How did he- 

“How did you-”

“It’s in your quintessence.” Muer said, as if it were the simplest thing to understand, as if the knowledge of how he lost his vision were public announcement that weren’t only entitled to Blade members who were on _the mission_ , and the Voltron team. He doubted the Galras knew, not when Keith hadn’t made a single appearance to them since Kolivan had told him to take a leave. Keith wracked his mind for any way that the Taroussenes could have known, but his mind dre- 

He tried to pull air into his lungs. _There_ , it was that feeling again. Apprehension, fear, judgement. And it _wasn’t his_.

“What does that mean?” Keith fiddled with his hand slightly and rested it on his leg, right above where his Marmoran blade was strapped to his thigh, irrationally and suddenly highly self-consciousness. 

“I can see that you’re on edge, but please be patient as I explain.”

“That would be helpful,” he snarled.

“How much do you know about quintessence?”

Of course it would lead back to quintessence: the one thing that Keith has failed to truly grasp the concept of, and that was a feat in itself. Keith had level ten in the simulations before he even knew what driving a car was like. He learnt Common Galra after months of pouring his face into books and learning programs. Quintessence and Haggar’s druids were something that escaped him completely. 

But quintessence… 

“Quintessence exists in all living things - it’s almost a life force, as one may refer to it. Of course, the Galra had managed to find a way to refine it into something abominable as simply rocket fuels.” Muer clicked his tongue in disgust. “But in its original form, quintessence powers life. It flows within us and every plants and animals that exists. This castle has its very own form of quintessence that comes from the Balmeran crystal.

“And in living beings, quintessence may manifests as a reflection of you - your capabilities, your actions, your emotions. That’s what I meant when I said _aura_. You are wary of me, it’s reflected in how the quintessence that you own exists within you.”

It was ridiculous. It sounded ridiculous. It sounded like everything out of a scifi novel that would put Keith into an asylum if he thought it was real. But then again, if he had gone back to Earth telling people that there’s a massive robot out there piloted by five people who have an intimate psychic connection to five mechanical lions, then he would the crazy one. 

“Alright, let’s say that you’re correct and I am perhaps a bit… unsettled. How do you know? Do you… see quintessence?”

“Taroussenes are almost nocturnal, as you know. We’ve lived underground for millennia - our eyes are poor in bright light. Even our cities aren’t usually as brightly lit as the paladins have seen. And we’ve never really needed it because we see through other means.” Muer suddenly moved, the chair sounding softly as it was pushed back. Something was approaching - could be the Taroussene, but it was powerful, like energy ready to burst into a powerful bolt of lightning and struck a man dead. Keith was up on his feet in a second.

“What are you- ” His words were cut by his own scream, because unexpectedly and so unbelievably, Keith saw flashes of light. 

It was a brief moment when his vision wasn’t just black, never ending and unnerving, but white and blue globes of light dancing across his eyes until it were an iridescent colours mixing like an abstract painting. And he could _see_ it.

“We sense life itself.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I bought a space themed phone case recently because Voltron fics kinda took over my life atm, and my friend called me a basic bitch (which isn’t wrong, but at the same time, roood).
> 
> Also you know what messes me up? I was writing about how the castleship was in a geostationary orbit, and then i began to nerd out. LIke HOw the hell does the controllers on the castleship attach to the ship? LIke the position is so weird because the ship lands vertically, but flies horizontally. So if the controllers are perpendicular to the side of the ship, then it would be unusable when the ship lands? God the Physics in Voltron is like -10000.
> 
> Legit i remember rewatching S7E1: A Little Adventure, and they mentioned how Shiro broke the record for “orbital velocity” or something and me being self-proclaimed intellectualTM (yet i am still but a wee bab, so plz be kind), I laughed so hard because high school physics can tell you that stuff is not a thing.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A question of trust.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit: I forgot that I changed out this specific word for another for continuity but then didn't put it back into the story. sorry!

2 DAYS UNTIL MISSION: 001,  
PLANET CODE: TR-3051

_The date is 23rd of the 9th phoeb, 5th deca-phoeb of the Alforian rule. My name is professor Honerva, leading scientist for the project on ‘Interdimensional Rift and Quintessential Realms,' stationed at Daibazaal’s Astrophysical Research Administration..._

_..._

_...We’ve received a generous contribution from the planet - code TR-3051 - otherwise known as Tarousse, on the mechanics of quintessence, which is the most exciting thing files that we’ve receive in a long time, isn’t it, Klara?_

_Pure quintessence is never visible to the naked eye, unless it were concentrated or refined into a different form. However, Alteans are engineers second and alchemists, first. There are certain things we have discovered that could help us sense it and track it down._

_The Taroussenes have apparently developed such a harmonious existence with their surroundings that it allowed them to connect with the life around them. It might be something to do with the with the way that they control quintessence from within their own beings - which is a feat that I can only gawk at. Imagine being able to control pure, unrefined quintessence!_

_We’ve had recordings of Alteans being able to touch quintessence on a similar manner - the royal family, for example. King Alfor and the monarchs before him who can do the Balmeran rejuvenation ceremony are - on a minor scale - touching the energy of the Balmera, a living being full of quintessential energy. It’s not exclusive to just the Altean royal family, nor just Alteans, of course. And reportedly, we can’t actually draw from it and hold it as a physical form of energy such as fire, electricity or light like the Taroussenes. We can, however, guide it._

_It is like a river. The water is the quintessence. It has a specific way in which it flows, and we can’t put our hands in and expect to hold water and make it do something. However, we can change the direction of the river - which is very difficult - or we can take the water and use it for something else. The water itself doesn’t exactly do anything but exist, but the things it can be used for are plentiful._

_Alfor has refused my request for a visit to Tarousse because he fears that I am getting sidetracked about understanding this interdimensional rift and focusing too much on harnessing the energy that the rift is providing. He doesn’t understand that I need to now how the Taroussenes can manipulate and control these pure quintessence to truly understand this quintessential realm._

_It doesn’t matter. I’ll get my knowledge with or without their help._

_It’s truly fascinating that with enough exposure to raw unadulterated quintessence, I’ve began to be able to feel it - sense it as if I’ve grown another perception. Klara has said that she’s beginning to kind of feel it as well, though I doubt that she understands why._

_This rift is like a sun, and the quintessence radiates from it. Close to it, you can feel the energy on your skin. But I’ve grown to be able to even sense energy from living beings, even when I’m far from the rift. I can only imagine this is what extreme quintessence sensitivity could be. It’s overwhelming sometimes, as if all your senses are working at a thousand times its capabilities._

_It could be revolutionary if we could just tap into this power source and control it wit-_

“It’s the middle of the night.” The heavy footsteps echoed on the tiled floor of the common area, signalling Shiro’s approach. Keith sighed and paused the experiment log he was listening to. 

“Did you come here to nag at me like an old grandmother?” He teased, stretching his legs slightly from sitting cross-legged on the couches. 

“Yes, because that’s what I am - your nagging grandmother.” Shiro chuckled and sat down next to him, dipping the couch and putting Keith slightly out of balance and bumping into Shiro’s chest without him realising. His head hit the very edge of Shiro’s right shoulder with a painful yelp.

“Oh, fuck- you okay?” Shiro shifted him in his arms, pulling him upright again. And Keith was keenly aware of how he sat now: back against Shiro’s chest, right arm tucked neatly between himself and the couch, and he was almost sitting on top of Shiro’s thigh with his legs sprawled across the couch. 

“Fine!” He hastily assured. “I’m fine.” Things could be worse. Keith could be actually on top of Shiro now, completely undignified in his swim trunks or something. That could be worse, because then Keith would probably explode from the amount of none-existing air in his lungs.

Since when had his infatuation gotten so out of control that every bit of him were electrified just from a small contact with Shiro? If only his younger self could see him now, being an absolute disaster of a human being from Shiro just putting his hand around him when Keith used to just be able to sprawl across of Shiro’s back like an absolute heathen that he is, screaming about coffee and how the cafeteria has terrible food. 

(It also seemed that they were always talking about food somehow, which he guessed was a healthy friendship.)

“So… I heard you’ve been spending a lot of time with Muer.”

“He’s helpful,” Keith answered truthfully. Of all the aliens that he had ever come across, never had he appreciated one as much as Taroussenes, and none as much as Muer - though he might be a bit biased because of his situation. 

“So you figured out that he wasn’t a threat.” Shiro said with the confidence that only a person who knowing full well that his friend’s idiocy could be prevented, but he would willingly let that friend become an idiot anyways just so he could laugh about it later. 

“You knew I was going to like him.”

“I did say he was trustworthy didn’t I?”

“Yeah, you did. He taught me some really cool stuff.” Keith smiled. It’s been two days since that fateful conversation, and never once had he anticipated this. 

“Really? Cooler than me teaching you how to fly?”

Keith feigned disinterest, pretending to put his earphones back on. “Shiro, flying stopped being the coolest thing I’ve done after I’ve been abducted by a Blue Lion, been flown to outer space, fought literally every living being that I’ve seen, got the crap beaten out of me-”

“Okay, point taken.”

“- for trying to understand my Marmoran blade, infiltrated ships of an alien race that’s causing an intergalactic war-”

“Alright, I get it!” Shiro was definitely pouting - Keith could tell, just by the small indignant huff that he makes. “You’re too grown up for this old-timer now, huh?”

He bursted out laughing. “Are you jealous?”

“N-no?” Shiro scratched his head. “I’m just… conscious.”

“Dude, you’re not even _that_ old.” Keith shoved him lightly. “Unless like - I don’t know - time dilation fucked you up whilst you were out here or something.”

“Shouldn’t it be the other way around? Like, I’m proper time, and you’re dilated time, considering that I’m the one travelling at close to light speed. Hence, it wouldn’t make sense that I would age slower than you and-”

“ _God_ , you and your shrine for Einstein.”

“Well you gotta learn _something_ in class.”

He rolled his eyes. “Okay, I don’t get how I had such amazing high school Physics teachers, only to get professor Montgomery as the head of Physics at the Garrison.” And that was a fact. Classes drove him insane, especially when his teacher - c _ough_ professor Montgomery _cough -_ was less than patient with his sometimes entirely off topic questions. It wasn’t his fault that he got curious and they hadn’t known the answer, and he wasn’t about to judge them, but oh god did they make his assignments _hell_.

“She wasn’t _that_ bad.”

“She hates me, I hate her, we have a mutually hateful relationship,” he quipped proudly. “And I learnt _so much_ without her. Speaking of which, _Siri…”_

The floating drone atop the backrest of the couch turned to life.

Shiro choked on his spit, laughing next to him. “You named the drone _Siri_?”

The only reason that the A.I. was named _Siri_ in the first place was because Keith was unoriginal, and also terrible at naming. One could only pray that his future spouse has some sort of common sense for naming things or else his future kids are bound to be victims at the playground. “Why not? It’s convenient! Saves me the effort of having to think of a name.” He shrugged. “Siri, show me a map of the city of Ronan on planet TR-3051.” 

Keith gestured to the map. “This is what I discovered today.”

Judging by Shiro confused hum, it was clear that he had seen the issue with the hologram. “There’s nothing on it.” Shiro observed.

“That’s what Pidge said too. Apparently we couldn’t get an accurate map of the city and its surrounding areas through the Blue Lion’s sonic scans.”

“Because too much interference and reflection below grounds from the caverns, I’m guessing.”

“Exactly! We tried doing a surface scan and use 3D reconstruction through the castle’s scanners, but we’re too far away to actually do it, and the ground is a bit of a barrier.” 

“Don’t we need a map of the caverns and tunnels to _know_ where go? What about that map that Muer was using? We could always ask the Taroussenes for that, can’t we?”

“Funny thing you should say that.” Keith smirked. “Siri, show me the map of Ronan that was received today.”

Shiro gasped, his hand tightened around Keith’s arm. 

“It’s the Taroussenes’ map. They created it by scanning for quintessence.” What surprised Keith wasn’t that the Taroussenes had even come up with the concept as such - because of course, it were in their blood to be able to sense such energy. It was only logical they applied it to their technology. But what was more surprising was that Keith understood how it worked. 

“It’s hard to explain how they’ve done it, but this is honestly the closest thing we’ll have to a rough map,” he explained. “Muer has been teaching me how to read it.”

“ _Read_ it?”

“Sense it, feel it, same difference.” Keith shrugged. “Did you know that Taroussenes can sort of feel quintessence, like Allura, but like… a hundred times better?”

“No…” Shiro pulled away from him slightly, and Keith was almost a bit upset when he felt himself removed from Shiro’s warmth. But Shiro was quick to turn him to face each other, with Shiro close enough for his breath to tickle Keith’s cheek and nose, as if he were staring at him. “Wait, hold on. Are you saying that you can _see_ this map?” 

“No, I can’t read the map yet, But I’m learning how to do something similar, like… I guess, see my surroundings without using light.”

“Keith, that’s incredible!” Shiro shook him aggressively with an unadulterated amount of enthusiasm. Keith wondered if his brain had sloshed around in his head like a baby’s rattle.

“I know! Taroussenes are honestly the coolest people.”

Shiro chuckled. “I meant you being able to see again, but yeah, that too. How does it work? Are you like bats but not really?”

“It’s alien voodoo. I’m not sure I’ll be able to explain it to you because… you now that weird bond you have with the lions? It’s unexplainable like that.” Keith scratched his head. “But I think I might be able to just get it by tomorrow. I’ve been wandering the castle a lot to practice, since this entire castle basically runs on quintessence and Allura’s sweat-”

“Alteans sweat?”

Keith halted suddenly, touching his temples with his fingers. “Actually, I don’t know, but _stop interrupting me_.” He swatted Shiro’s arm, only to realise at the last second that said arm was the prosthetic and he ended up hurting his hand more than actually making Shiro shut up, and Shiro started to shake with a mirthful laugh at his expense again.

“ _Shiroo,_ this is serious. I’m telling you life-changing nerdy stuff!”

“Okay, okay. Sorry. Please, continue.” Shiro pulled his arm onto Keith’s shoulder again and reclined into the couch. 

He told Shiro about the Blue Lion calling him in the middle of the desert. He told him about the vague feeling in his gut as he sat in Black, something that almost resembled a distant SOS message through deep space, leading him to find Shiro in the middle of nowhere. He told him about the Taroussenes and their ability to feel pure life force - _pure quintessence_ \- and channel it as if it were merely an instrument. There was something in Keith’s Galra genes that allowed for him to understand what Muer had described, even more so than Allura. 

And the most surprising: Keith rarely sees darkness, anymore. It was like the Altean scientist had said - being able to truly sense it made him feel as if every nerve in his body was firing all at once despite the still air that he sat in. He can identify the castle walls, the windows, the doors, and the people - even see them in a sort of holographic way. 

“I want to join you guys on the mission.” He gulped, because the ultimate goal behind all this was one simple thing for him - to be able to go out there and make a difference again. And even if the team said otherwise about his help with their recent diplomatic missions, the one he spent countless days researching and discussing with Coran, it wasn’t enough for him . 

He turned to Shiro, reaching out with his newly developed but unrefined sense of perception, only to find fear and judgement in Shiro’s face. It was a frown, with his brows turning inwards and his bottom lip bitten as if he was holding himself back from saying something unpleasant. 

“No.” He finally said, shaking his head. “I can’t let you do that, Keith. We don’t know how well you can see yet.”

“We do. I did a few runs in the training deck today. I got pass level seven with the gladiator, and I got pass the invisible maze as well.”

“Gladiators aren’t programmed to kill you, Keith. It’s an entirely different deal when we go out there.”

Shiro said it as if Keith didn’t know that every liberation they manage is celebrated with festivals and parties that hid the true hardship that they went through to get there; as if he didn’t know that these were dangerous fights; as if Keith hadn’t just lost the ability to see from exactly one of those very terrible missions. Keith wanted to chuck a helmet at Shiro’s head. “I know that. You don’t have to remind me. But I know I can do it. I promise you I won’t fuck up.”

“Don’t you think you might be rushing it a bit?”

“I know what I’m capable of.”

“ _Patience yields focus_ , Keith. I know you’re eager, but think about this thoroughly.”

“I _have_ been patient,” he gritted. “What do you think I’ve been doing for the past months, Shiro. I took a damn break, like Kolivan asked. Then I followed your request to not push myself or too much, or try the training deck too soon. I helped Coran and Allura with diplomatic stuff that I would have never ever touched under normal circumstances because I know I would useless in fighting, but at least I might be able to do something with my stupid words.”

“And you’ve been doing a great job at it. You’ve helped us more than you would admit, Keith.”

But it wasn’t enough. It would never be enough for him until he could run across the field without fearing some projectile knocking into his head. It would never be enough until he can wield his blade, poised and sure as if it had always been an extension of him. It would never be enough until he can sit in a cockpit and fly again to the farthest corner of the universe with the engine humming under his hands and the stars in his eyes. Not until he can fly again

“I agreed to be part of this team because _you_ asked me to believe in myself - give myself time, recover, so I may come back to fight another battle.” Keith gripped the fabric of his jeans, digging into his knees so hard that it relieved some frustration growing in his throat. “And now that I have, you won’t let me actually do something useful.”

“Look, I know you’ve been frustrated because it had always been in your nature to do greater things than just play politics with alien races.” Shiro’s voice strained at his insistence. Then, with a deep breath, he reeled himself in as a patient man would. “But the world isn’t ending tomorrow. We will have another day for you to fight. I know how it feels to lose a piece of yourself and all you could think about is how desperately you want it back. But jumping-”

“No you don’t! You don’t know a single thing that I feel right now!” Keith yelled.

“Keith-”

“And don’t you even _compare_ us because you lost an arm that was _replaced_ . I lost an entire sense of perception that I could _never_ regain. I was slow and weak, and I’ve accepted that enough to realise that I need to find a way around it. I went through researches and training and everything that I hoped would be enough to build myself up again because out of everyone on this ship, _you_ always seem to be the one that’s constantly worried about whether I can or can’t handle myself. And I thought if I could just be good enough for you, then maybe I’ll be able to actually make a difference. But I never am!” Keith spat and pushed forcefully away from Shiro’s hold and stood up, towering over him.

“The Galras are out there wrecking up the universe, we can’t do anything about it - Voltron, the Blades, the Coalition, we’re barely getting anything done, and you’re telling me that the universe isn’t tearing itself apart and going to hell? As if we weren’t already in hell!”

Shiro froze for a while, silent and contemplative, before he gently pushed Keith back so he could stand up as well. All the while, Keith let his anger burn into the toxic, heavy breaths that he exhaled, because he wasn’t the least bit afraid of Shiro and he wasn’t about to back down from this one thing. 

He knew he was right about himself, but he was also wrong about them being merely ants in the giant mess that the Empire had created. They were more than that - it’s been proven over and over again that they could do more. 

But Keith was tired of people telling him what he can and can’t do. He just wanted to do something for once, for himself, because he needed this. _God_ , he wanted this more than anything he had ever wanted for a very long time. And he could say that. Shiro might understand. Instead he had poured his frustration into words that now left bitter notes in his mouth, unwanted and only half true. He took a few more breaths and shook his head. “Sorry, I-”

“No, I get your anger, Keith. I just hadn’t realised that you held so much against... _this_.”

“Against what _?_ ”

“Everything. Voltron; being a Blade; being dragged into space to fight an intergalactic war… finding me in the first place.”

“Shiro, no.” Keith reached his left hand out to find contact with Shiro’s arm. And Shiro seemed almost burnt when he touched him. His mouth twitched unpleasantly, and he had almost wrung his arm to remove Keith’s hand from him. But he didn’t at the last second, and Shiro gently pried Keith’s grip from his arm, and let it drop freely. Somehow that lack of contact burned Keith more than any druid magic could.

“I don’t regret any of that, but…” Keith sucked in a long breath. “I just wished things would just work out the way I wanted it to, for once in my life.”

It wasn’t a simple request, but Keith thought he might have finally earned it after having lost so much. Yet, he had only received the repercussions of the tragedies that fell upon him, alone, unwanted, first by his mother, then the orphanage, the schools, the people at the Garrison, the fucking universe, probably. And now, even Shiro - even _Shiro_ -

“I’m sorry, too, for making you think that I don’t believe in you or trust you, despite my usual speech about being there for you. I _am_ very glad that you’ve found this new way to _see._ I want you to go out there and be your best self as much as you do.” Shiro’s smile was painful on his face as if it was forced, weighing too heavily on his heart. “But I can’t you kill yourself just because you think that’s the only way you’ll ever make a difference, Keith.”

Keith’s breath caught in his chest. Was _that_ what Shiro thought? Was that what everyone saw? A martyr in the making? 

“I’m not trying to play martyr. And I don’t have a death wish,” he muttered, and took a step back from Shiro, pained and equally hurt. It explained a lot of things: the team’s wariness around him, their constant attention, their push for him to find things to do that didn’t involve Voltron despite everyone else constantly busy with Voltron. 

_Maybe this is karma_ and he was just cursed. Maybe his mother left for the right reasons, his father died for the wrong one, and he was back at the castleship instead of at the Blade of Marmora’s headquarters because he was just too much for them to handle. Maybe he shouldn’t be here, or was ever meant to be here to do good. 

_Maybe he wasn’t meant to be here_. 

The thought made him breathless enough to sit down again.

“Didn’t take you to be religious or superstitious,” Shiro said. 

He hadn’t even realised that he had said the thought out loud. “I’m not. But everything is just on fire, and I… can’t do anything about it. Maybe I just did something in my past life without knowing it, and now you’re paying for it.” 

Shiro had his gaze on the ground with arms crossed across himself, standing still a distance from where Keith sat. “Our suffering is from our own doing, Keith. Nothing that happens to me or anyone is because of you. You can’t believe that my arm was your fault, do you?”

“I don’t know.” 

“Whatever you’re thinking of, it’s not true, okay? You didn’t do anything wrong. Bad things just happen to good people sometimes.” Shiro attempted a small comforting smile to regain some sort of intimacy and closeness that they had just before. But his darting eyes and stiff posture made Keith question just how much of Shiro had he taken for granted, how much of Shiro he hadn’t appreciated until this tension that festered into an abyss between them. And Keith had no idea how to close this gap that seemed to crack further and further with every second that passed. 

“Keith, did you hear me?”

“Yeah.” Keith whispered and retreated his senses, dimming the lights and Shiro’s face from his mind until all that was left was a vast echoing darkness despite his desire to reach out and curl into Shiro’s comforting embrace. “Okay,” he nodded, not meaning it.

“Okay.” But it didn’t sound any more convincing the second time. 

DAY OF MISSION:001  
PLANET CODE: TR-3051

Coalition rebels and Blades arrived in vessels that scattered amongst the geostationary orbit that the castle was in for backup, as Allura said.

Keith stood next to Coran with a hand on the control board to interface with the castle’s displays. He couldn’t see the map, but the castle could do that for him. And Shiro’s thoughts lingered on the naive possibility that Keith could just board Black with him and join them below ground, just so he could stop seeing the scowl on Keith’s face. But of course he stopped himself before he could even try to fathom the stupidity of that thought.

He hasn’t spoken to Keith much outside of the necessary debriefs and strategy meetings, which were all in good reasons. The days leading up to this particular one was stressful. More often than not, Shiro found himself completely beaten by their job and the quiet meals in between were the only times when his head won’t be whirling about the next bad scenario that they might face.

Keith avoided him as well, to either cool down from their argument a few days prior, or because… well, there wasn’t exactly much to talk about when clearly all that either of them could think about was their argument. 

_(...out of everyone on this ship, you always seem to be the one that’s constantly worried about whether I can or can’t handle myself.)_

Shiro sighed in Black’s cockpit, and she replied with a soft rumble - understanding but at the same time filled with a certain amount of attitude that seems to imply that she was unhappy with him about the whole ordeal. 

_You and me both, Black,_ he thought. 

Over the comms, Coran’s voice rung as they descend into hidden tunnels. “Does everyone know what they have to do?” 

“Yes, Coran. Please stop stressing us out!” Hunk warned in a nervous tone. 

“Only checking, Number Two.”

On the surface the ground was seamless, until it suddenly split with a heavy rumble, shaking the trees nearby, opening up to a dark tunnel that lead underground. Shiro pushed the Lion in first before four more followed suit. They emerged quickly into another tunnel leading them along the far edge of the city, until they reach the end and Shiro could see the faint light of the buildings and streets on his right. 

And a Galra cruiser hovered nearby.

The Green Lion headed towards it, hovering under its shadow before she landed upside down, her legs attached to the ship. The rest of the paladins held their breath, waiting for the next cue. 

“Our spies have disembarked onto Galra cruiser.” Pidge’s voice piped up. “Green Lion moving to remote location now. I’m working on scrambling any electromagnetic signals within a ten mile radius around the communication hub. All comms and fighters on the ground should be offline as soon as the cruiser lands.”

Coran approved. “Excellent work, Pidge. Muer what’s your status?” 

The plan had more tidbits to look out for than Shiro had liked, but when were these missions ever easy. Though perhaps he should be grateful that this particular one involved rather too much piloting for Keith to make another attempt at convincing Shiro that it was a good idea to let him join in person.

The nearest Galra cruiser was being infiltrated, they would take out commands and cause minor technical issues. Then things should be easy enough head to the industrial area, under the guise to refuel and conduct some maintenance, they would park the cruiser at the warehouse. Pidge would hack into the facility’s mainframe and place a virus to stop all communications and Galra fleet from departing the facility.

The other four lions would cause a distraction atop the city and take the other four cruisers away from heavily populated areas. In the worst case, they take the fight above ground. Evacuation would happen immediately after the fight starts, and a flare would indicate that the people are secured. Pidge would destroy the grounded to ensure safe passage for the cruiser, and the cruiser flies off to Coalition rebel bases. Voltron destroys other Galra bases and demand a surrender. 

At least that was another oversimplification of said plan.

As Shiro moved his lion right under the shadow of another cruiser, he vaguely wondered just how poorly managed these vessels were to not even notice a giant flying mechanical lion coming towards them. 

“The ship has landed successfully. Engaging with grounded patrols now,” Muer announced through the comms. “Going offline in ten seconds.”

“Hell yeah!” Lance cried. “Let’s go kick some butts!” 

In ten seconds, Shiro brought out the jaw blade and stuck it into the ship above him and began to drag it along the ship’s length. Screeching metal noises filled his ears, reminding him distinctly of nails across chalkboard, but worst.

Before long he was away from the shadow of the ship and did twirls and dances across all of its area in his best attempts to damage it before they start retaliating with their cannons. And true to Shiro’s thoughts, the fighters were dispatched and bullets rained across in the air as Shiro dodged to the best of his abilities. 

There were six fighters on his tail, and he took a head dive right before the cruiser. Sounds of explosion filled the air as some fighters narrowly missed flying straight into its commanding ship, and at least one did crash. 

He needed to take that ship farther away and barrelled through the line of fire again, teasing, taunting and barely scratching the cruiser as he dragged it from the city below them. He can vaguely see the Blue and Yellow Lion in the distance with their own adversary. 

“Paladins, report in!” Keith called. 

“Just need to get their cannons out and I should be good!” Lance whooped in excitement as he landed a clean blast to one of the fighters. 

“I just got their cannons. Working on that fuel tank now.” Hunk replied in a focused seriousness.

“I’ll race you to it, Hunk!”

“If you were going to make this a competition, you should have said it sooner, buddy.” 

A bright light followed by whipping wind and the telltale sound of the ship blowing up reached their ears, and Shiro turned back just in time to find the Blue Lion freezing up the fiery chunks of its target cruiser falling to the ground. Allura’s voice finally came through. “Do I get a prize for winning?”

They all couldn’t help a laugh as Lance remained speechless. Explosions continued and one by one the Shiro takes another twirl, firing on the underside of the ship and any fighter that happened to cross him.

“Almost done with mine too.” Shiro finally said. Allura flew in to help Lance, who had a rather miffed but if a bit pleased smile as she announced her presence.

Things were going smoothly and easily. And perhaps they should all have noticed it quicker that Pidge has failed to make a statement. But they were all too caught up in their own fight until Pidge’s frantic shouts filtered through their Lions.

“Guys, something’s wrong.” 

“What’s wrong, Number Five?”

“I can see the rescued Tarrousenes, but there are druid with them! It seems like a hostage situation!”

“Can you see our people?”

“No! And no flare! They should have sent it up as soon as they got out. We’ve been compromised! I’m going in for an intervention.” Through the screens, Shiro saw her punch the throttle and the Green Lion’s began to engage the facility. 

“Lance, go help Pidge. I’ll take it from here.” Allura ordered. “We need to get them off planet as soon as possible before we engage in anymore fights.”

Shiro swooped behind a pillar, and in a single continuous movement, he sent a long shattering blast across the expanse of the cruiser, ripping it to bits and finally subduing it. Words were on his tongue, ready to report in his success, but it was immediately cut off as Pidge yelled, “I can’t control my lion!” 

“Pidge?” Shiro blurted. “What do you mean?”

Lance’s frustrated groan followed. “Red won’t respond to me either!” 

“Coran! The Taroussenes on the ground-” Pidge huffed between her attempts to pull at the controls. “-they’re doing something to our lions! Green is conflicted. She won’t listen when I tell her friend and foe!”

“They won’t attack. We’re just sitting idly in front of the warehouse now!” Lance made an incredulous scream whilst Shiro remained hovering in the air. Coran started to spout theories and suggestions for them to try, and Shiro only looked at the screen, at Keith, who was in thought with brows drawn in tightly and lips turned to a light scowl. 

Until his brows finally retreated, and what Shiro saw as a hypothesis, but one that was crucial and perhaps deadly to them all. Keith knew something.

At the end of his wits, Coran finally slammed on the castle’s controls. “Shiro, take Black to Lance and-”

“NO!!!” Keith’s voice was jarring in the aftermath of their first battle, where only static was filling over the comms and the distant noises of metal and Galra tech bursting into flames, falling like meteors. 

“Keith?” Shiro wrinkled his brows.

“Don’t go near them. Do not go anywhere near Lance and Pidge. If they are doing what I think they’re doing, then we will lose Voltron.”

“What exactly _are_ they doing? And who is _they_?” Allura frowned behind her helmet. 

“The Taroussenes that were taken - Muer told me they’re especially sensitive to quintessence. I didn’t think they could pull this off, though I should have known. Shiro, Hunk, Allura, you might want to regroup and lay low while we figure this out.” 

Lance scowled in his seat, pressing every random button possible but failing to trigger any reaction from his lion. “Pull _what_ off?” 

“I’m guessing in a way, they’re calling out ot the lions in a- I don’t know, spiritual way? The Lions might be confused because it senses beings that are speaking to it in ways that the Lions speak to each other. At least that’s my theory.” 

“So how do we get them out of this?” Hunk asked. They all gave Keith a hopeful look that he couldn’t see, then without warning, the caverns went completely dark. 

“Guys, look!” Pidge gasped in surprise, and Shiro blinked as he let out a surprise breath. 

A blackout. 

The lights of the city was shutting off one by one, and the caverns were returning to a pitch darkness that was hardly illuminated by the Lion’s light. Shiro could hardly see ahead of him when all that the lights on the Lion would shine upon was dust and rock walls. But at least he could vaguely tell the position of Allura and Hunk on the map and by the soft light that their lions had. And in the far distance the industrial area that was used by the Galra was still bright. 

“What happened? What’s going on?” Keith turned his head rapidly for an answer. 

If there was such a thing as a holy deity above that controls their fate, then Shiro only wanted to scream at them for their pension for drama. 

“There’s a city wide blackout except where we are,” Lance explained. “They’re quarantining the city, too.”

“Why a blackout?” 

A pinging noise echoed from Pidge’s cockpit. “They’re trying to kill my virus.” She jumped in her seat. “They’re trying to re-establish communications to neighbouring military bases.”

Shiro’s hand gripped tightly onto his controls. “How long do you think it will take them to fix it?”

“I’m working on that. But it’s probably not long.” 

Shiro gritted his teeth as the gears in his head began to turn. There had to be a way out of this. “We’ll send a group into get you out. Castleship, get the Blades and Coalition rebels, we’ll need them. And how many Tarousssene field agents do we have?”

“Not many. The majority were on the mission.” Keith duly responded as Coran hastily ran to pull up communications with nearby Coalition vessels. “Are we using into the alternative escape route?”

“Can we still use the cruiser?”

“No, they it back, and it’s taking off with the Tarrousene rebels soon.” Lance noted worryingly. “They’re sending the rest of the civilians back into the warehouses again.”

“Keep us updated on their whereabouts. And yes, we’re taking the alternative route. Get Saebth to prepare his people, and get a reasonably sized group from our side.” Shiro ordered and was responded with nods. A plan was falling into place again. Shiro could already see a course of action forming in the silence of his mind. 

Send in a team, get the people and the lions out, deliver them to the Coalition vessels in orbit. Perhaps that was the most they could salvage from this situation. He hasn’t dared to consider coming back to destroy the rest of the Galra’s military bases and calling for a ceasefire yet when everything is still so dependant on their most important task at hand: saving lives. 

“Pidge, do you have an estimate yet?” He asked, agitated. The one thing that might just ruin them forever is time - there’s never enough time for anything in his life, it seemed. Like the time they have left, like the time that _he_ has left as the Black Paladin, like time that he could spend with those he loves. 

“Pidge?” He asked again, and Pidge made a gesture as if to push her glasses up her nose before dutifully and nervously announcing the results. Shiro’s heart continued to beat loudly in his chest.

“Two vargas. We only have two vargas.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter literally took forever because im afraid that I’ve been beating around the bush too much. And oh lordy, it is long and action packed. A little bit of umh, emotional shit too. I wrote the later part of this chapter like half a month after I wrote the other part and idk the writing style is a bit… weird? I feel like it changed a bit but I can’t be sure.
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed it! Please leave a comment, i'd love to hear your thoughts :]]]


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Into the battlefield.

Two vargas. They had two vargas.

“Two vargas and ten doboshes before reinforcement arrives and Voltron will be needed, if I try to push it. But that’s all we have.” Pidge said and gripped her armguard tightly, as if to ground herself at how absolutely seemingly impossible their plan sounded.

Two vargas wasn’t a lot of time to round up a bunch of people, get below ground, rescue even more people and get them out before the fighting starts again. They were set to fail, and Keith suddenly wished he ate a little more for breakfast to at least prepare him for the mission’s extension.

 _How_ could he have missed that one small detail. Just the one fact that Taroussenes could do a lot more than just Altean alchemy, something almost powerful as the druid’s magic. How could he miss the druids that were on the facility as well?

“I’m going down there with them.” His hands remained firm on the controls that linked himself to the castleship. And on the holoscreen, the paladins stared at him with a mix of surprise, disbelief and disapproval. 

“No.” Allura stared at him with an unwavering statement. 

“I know the tunnels. I studied them at debriefs. The rebels and Blades aren’t going to be able to guide all those people when most of them don’t know the terrain.” 

“We called Saebth’s people for a reason, Keith.” Shiro’s brow furrowed in a deep concern. “You can’t just risk yourself like this. It’s suicidal.” 

Keith gritted his teeth. “It’s not. I know what I’m doing. And more importantly, we don’t even know how many Taroussenes capable for this mission, and it’s better for Blades and Coalition rebels alike to see a familiar face.”

“No offence, Keith. I know that you learnt this crazy new skill, but how sure are you that it will save you when the time comes?” Pidge gave him a sympathetic eye. “Like what are you trying to achieve from this? Do you want to jump into one of their own ships and start firing like a maniac?”

“If it comes down to that to finish the mission, then yes.”

“But Galra tech doesn’t exactly have the same design as an Altean castleship. Their controls are only slightly similar after ten thousand years, and I don’t believe they’re made to respond to someone’s life force. You might not be able to interface with the fighter jets at all.” Allura reminded him. 

“The mechanics are there, I know it’s do-able. It’s just that no one has ever done it. And this is only a hypothetical worst case scenario that we’re talking about here, Allura. I’m not about to jump on any fighters.” He pointed out. “But I know these caverns, and I know I can do a hell of a lot more down there than up here. Coran is more than capable of handling things, and you’re all indisposed and stuck in your lions right now. I can get down there and secure the hostages. You can go after that ship that’s about to go off planet.” 

Shiro sighed. “And the risk you will be putting on yourself is higher than anything we’d like. I know you want to help but this isn’t the way to do it.”

“No, I think it is.” Lance chewed on the inside of his cheek, his chin in his hand as he seemed into the depths of Keith’s soul. And Keith’s head snapped up in surprise.

Allura gasped in a shocking horror. “Lance, you can’t possibly-”

“I agree with Keith. He’s the best man for the job right now guys. And if anything, I trust him more than anyone to get the job done.” Lance continued with a genuine confident smile that Keith wondered where he found it from. “Let’s take a vote, then. There’s seven of us, including Keith. And that’s already 2 votes for Keith to go.”

“Three.” Coran nodded reassuringly and turned to him. “I know you’re capable, my boy. I want you to show those quiznacking Galras what you’re made of.”

“It’s a no from me,” Allura said, and Shiro somberly agreed. 

“Sorry, Keith. Me neither.” Pidge said, turning her gaze away and back to her holopad as she distracted herself once more with the job. And Keith understood them, Allura, Shiro and Pidge. They were logical to think so because none of them knew exactly how he ticked - not even Shiro at this point. But he knew exactly how to get out of their predicament, and he _needed_ to try to get these people out. It was the least he could do after all that they have taught him.

“Hunk, you’ve been rather quiet.” Lance prompted, and Keith could tell Hunk’s soft heart was causing his indecisiveness. It wasn’t fair to make them pick sides like this. Things could be easier if it had gone according to plan, but they never seem to work in Keith’s experience. And he almost thought that Hunk would have said no, agreed with the safer logic of the other three. He wouldn’t blame him if he did. 

Keith waited for judgement.

But it was a good ten ticks later before Hunk sighed and painfully smiled. “Please be safe out there.”

Pulling together a team of people and debriefing them took a varga too long, though perhaps Keith should count it as luck that they managed to get 28 people who are eligible for the mission on such short notice. That and he should also thank Allura’s foresight for calling in Coalition forces for a spare shuttles that they could use. 

The shuttle dropped them off at Pidge’s previous hiding place, which was further distance than Keith liked, but they couldn’t risk another alarm blaring if they were spotted. The military base at Ronan were one of the planet’s largest, too, and there were too many risks of casualties for them to consider bringing the vessel anywhere closer. 

Keith let his senses roam, and the feedback from his surroundings almost gave him a mental whiplash. Despite the desert like surroundings, the place was brimming with energy and life. He could feel the caverns almost echoing and vibrating as if it were alive, and the luscious trees around them - despite being underground - shaking gently. 

“We’ve landed. Heading to the site now,” he reported and pulled on his Marmoran mask, leading the group through the forest. 

“Good luck, Mullet. And please succeed so Shiro won’t kill me and Hunk.” Lance laughed nervously. 

“You say that as if he won’t kill us regardless of whether or not the mission turns out okay.” Hunk’s tone was dry, and despite the serious silence of forest, Keith found himself smiling behind his mask. 

“Friendly reminder that this is an open channel and there are 27 other people besides Keith who will be distracted when you two start spreading rumours about me.” Shiro said, and Keith could practically choke on the mental image of Shiro’s unimpressed and teasing glare. 

Lance coughed slightly, and Keith ducked under a branch before finding himself behind one of the hangars. “It’s not a rumour if it’s true, Shiro.” Keith grinned. “And thanks, Lance. Checking in one last time, the warehouse with the hostages are numbers 26 and 30?”

“If Blue's scans are correct.” 

The group moved quickly, edging on the shadows of the hangars and warehouses as sentries made patrols on the path in front. Far ahead was a tall building with a rod on top, which Keith assumed was the communications hub, and he could vaguely see the green glow of Pidge’s lion peeking behind the structure. 

There was something soothing about the lion’s aura that he could only attribute to the Paladins’ bond with them. But then again, it might be because the two lions sitting there were currently in a sort of sleep mode that neither Pidge nor Lance could wake them from. And when he looked closely enough, he could see Pidge’s tensed and firey self inside her cockpit, and Lance’s somewhat bored but alert presence in Blue. 

“40 doboshes left until communications is back online.” Pidge reminded them.

“Copy.” 

They spread out to cover more grounds, checking the numbering on each warehouse as they go. The group was coordinated, but less so than Keith was used to with the Blades - though that was only natural when the Blades were an organisation that practically raised soldiers from infancy. This group consisted of Coalition rebels mostly, a smattering of Blade members that Keith had never met, and three Taroussenes that were feeling the pressure more than they should. 

Keith found himself catching them just at the right moment before they would expose themselves to sentries. And perhaps under usual circumstances he might have been less understanding. But there was something particular about sentries that made them quite difficult to make out and sense - Pidge suggested that it was due to the little amounts of actual quintessence that they hold. It made his search for any quintessential signatures more difficult

They split up into two smaller units as they closed in on the large building housing the hostages. It loomed like an omen - the paint job only made it look even more hostile in that Galran purple aesthetic that Keith was sick of seeing. He was ready to storm in when he heard a sudden choked gasp on his right that made him turn around the corner, only to find a sentry pointing its weapon at one of the Taroussenes. 

“Your identification,” the sentry ordered at the frightened young girl. Keith held his breath as his hands gripped tightly on the Marmoran blade. 

“Your identification,” the robotic voice sounded again alongside the sound of guns powering up, and Keith took the chance. He reached to pull the girl back into the shadows, then threw the blade right at the gun, lodging it into the barrel and consequently blowing it up, throwing the sentry back and blasting his blade into the air. But the sentry looked no worse for wear as it regained its footing and prepared to charge. 

From the pouch on his hip, Keith pulled out a small roundish device and chucked it at the sentry as if it were a baseball. The disk stuck to its head where electricity fizzled, rocking the head comically around before the sentry dropped on its knees and went silent. 

“What’s your name?” Keith turned to the Taroussene and helped her up from her crouch on the ground. Around them, the rebels were working on the double authentication locks on the warehouses.

“Olea.” She accepted his hand gratefully and dusted herself off. 

“First mission?” He asked and received an embarrassed nod. Her aura turned a sad shade of yellow and Keith felt himself sighing slightly. His first few mission with the Blades was so much simpler than this, much to his displeasure. It was after Shiro’s disappearance, and he kept himself busy to not think about how much it hurted. Now he was grateful that Kolivan hadn’t thrown him into the deep end as Olea was, but that wasn’t something they could help.

“You can’t let those things catch you.” He scanned the area to look for his blade - it had gone quite a distance away. “Communications won’t leave this place, but they can still send signals within the area. Robotic sentries will set off alarms the moment they suspect that you’re an outsider.”

“What did you do?” Olea asked as he picked up his blade and sheathed it behind himself once more. She peered at the fallen sentry with a mild curiosity and fear, pointing to the disk on its head. 

“The Yellow Paladin’s design - it’s to neutralize their signals.” He explained and mentally thanked Hunk for his brilliant little knick knacks. The particular disk was actually Hunk’s quest to avoid fighting the gladiators in the training deck, but of course Coran quickly banned it soon after and they were deemed “strictly for missions only,” even if most of the paladins rarely ever used them and the design ended up as a weapon used by Blades and Coalition rebels instead. 

The girl hummed with a mild fascination at his story before the mechanical whir of Galra cruisers reached their ears, and Keith turned his head up towards the two parked Lion’s direction. Indeed, behind them, a cruiser was taking off.

“Allura- guys,” Lance called. “I hope you’re ready because the cruiser with the rebels are taking off!”

“We’ll take care of it.” Shiro answered diplomatically before Keith felt the three lion’s presence leaving slowly, most strongly Black’s, with a small amount of apprehension that he couldn’t quite place. But now wasn’t the time to dwell upon it.

The doors of the warehouse opened to a mass of people staring at them from the dimly purple-lit room. One would expect the people to immediately leave with their rescuers, but they only shuffled inwards even more with a skeptical look upon their face. 

“Please, we have to leave now before it’s too late,” a Coalition rebel tried but despite reassurances even by the Taroussene rebels, they would not budge from their place. 

“How do we know that you won’t lead us to another doom?” Someone called out, not angrily in hostile, but with a repressed hopefulness. 

Keith remembered then that they have only just been in this exact situation a few vargas ago. He scanned the crowd - some were bruised, there were scrapes and bleeding wounds, and there were others lying tiredly with an arm draped over their eyes to block out the world. And their auras were dim, flickering like a candle about to go out. 

He wondered then if this was what he looked like only a few quintants ago before he found this new ability, and if Muer saw the sadness in his essence that couldn’t be masked by his stoic expression. 

The people before him have just been given hope a few hours ago by a band of Taroussene rebels that failed, and ended up paying a painful, steep price that made Keith grind his teeth in disgust at. They didn’t want a repeat of what had only happened so recent that it was difficult to dwell upon.

“I’m sorry our plan wasn’t thought out better to have prevented the repercussions landing on you all...” Keith said, regretfully reminding himself that Shiro or Allura could say this so much better than he ever will. Of all the things he thought he would grow up to do, giving an alien species a motivational pep talk to get them out of a hostage situation has never occurred. 

“23 doboshes left.” Pidge’s voice rang in his comms, and his heart pounded heavier in his chest.

“If you don’t leave now then there will never be a chance to leave again.” He glanced at them, every single one of their auras lighting up slowly and their emotions pouring outwards. And in the same sense, he poured his heart into his words and projected aura. “I know the Galra hurted you and has done terrible things to put you under their thumb, but there are better ways to live than to be a slave of the Galra empire.”

Their heads perked up in surprise, even the Taroussene rebels that came with him gave a wide-eyed turn to him as he put his confidence and reassurances up for display. “We’re part of the Voltron Coalition. And Voltron is right out there to help you right now. Come with us and we’ll get you refuge. But don’t stay here so they can take away your culture and enslave you and abuse your abilities. Please...”

Slowly, something in the air shifted. Some sort of calling in a language Keith has yet to master, towards something else. Reaching out, he saw bursts glowing light slowly floating away in every direction, and followed by a sense of relief that all poured outwards like a giant tidal wave. As if-

Two mighty roars echoed and Lance and Pidge’s cries and whoops filled Keith’s ears as their lions came back to them.

Keith nodded. “Let’s get out of here.”

“The communication tower is back online. They’re sending distress signals out!” Hunk said twenty three doboshes later in between his drawled groans and yelling. “And they’re sending fighters from the ground up!” 

Above their heads, Galra fighters zipped across the dark caves with an echoing noise. Pidge and Lance had returned to the fight and all qualified-pilots within the rescue team had been dispatched to take over any grounded fighters. Keith, however, remained with the Taroussenes as they waited for their escape.

“Transport vessels are en route towards rendezvous point. ETA three doboshes.” 

The situation was chaotic when you’re leading about a hundred people into the woods towards a destination you haven’t ever been to or seen, but they were managing. Soon enough they were reaching their destination where the big vessels began to fill up with people that looked more relieved than anything. 

Keith stood back as they boarded and was thanked as the Taroussenes walked up the ramp. And he almost thought his mission was done until a man came to him with a desperate grip on Keith’s shoulders and arms, asking for his help. 

“Olea,” the man said between breaths, and Keith realised that he was one of the Taroussene rebels. “I can’t find her since we left the warehouse and I’m worried that she got herself lost.” 

Keith glanced over to the trail of people that were still emerging from the forest. Around them, Coalition members were still helping with the boarding, but they could handle themselves. 

“You go. I’ll find her.” He took off without a glance. 

The hangars were on fire when he arrived, and the few fighters that were on the ground had Galra pilots littered around them unconscious. He retraced the path to the warehouse, slashing across sentries that came across his way in hurried steps and calling out the missing Tarrousene’s name. 

A strangled cry caught him as he stabbed a critical blow into a nearby sentry, and a flickering aura full of unadulterated fear called to him. Keith retrieved his blade quickly and peeked around a fighter jet to find Olea stuck in the tight grip of a Galra soldier, struggling and battling for her freedom in any ways she can. 

She was fierce in her kicks and punches, but the soldier was twice her size despite having two less limbs, and they held on tight to her arm, twisting it into an angle that no one could find comfortable. 

Keith snarled and stared at the soldier - his senses reaching outwards to clarify the image in front of him, using his own quintessence to interact with the ones in front of him, floating like the ones that the Taroussenes have done just before. And then-

The Galra cried out in pain and released Olea with a flick of his wrist. They keeled and fell face first into the ground as Olea looked between the soldier and Keith with unease. 

“Did you just use warped their quintessence?” She furrowed her brows at him - or at least what he believed was a look of dissatisfaction. 

“Is that what it’s called?” Keith asked and tugged Olea away from the buildings. Pidge was beginning her assault on the base, and it wasn’t wise to be near to them when those come crashing down from the lions’ blasters. 

“That’s foul.” She told him. “I wouldn’t do that to even my worst enemy.”

It was a technique that he questioned Muer about, and the Taroussene had considered it as Keith’s innocent fascination without knowing of his research about druid magic. The move was crippling on its victim, and in ways it was dangerous and deadly, something that Muer had told him to stay away from. 

He knew that it was foul.

But Keith had half a mind to tell Olea about how the Galra was never fair, because _victory or death_ meant _fight without inhibitions and rules_. And Keith was - afterall - half Galra and blinded by Galra, no less. There was enough history there to excuse his actions. 

However, he didn’t say a word and instead called into his comms for the transport vessel instead. A reply came in with slight static. “The ship’s airborne, Keith.”

“Wait, are you not on the ship?” Allura’s distress was clear. Voltron had moved the fight aboveground by now to guard the Coalition ship. 

“No.” Keith glanced around the various fighters that were still on the ground and thoughts flew through his head. “But I’ll be back at the castle in a bit,” he said as he dragged them along to a nearby fighter. 

“What does that mean?” 

“You know how we said that flying fighter jets was a hypothetical situation for me?” Keith sat down in the cockpit of the plane and motioned for Olea to strap herself into a seat at the back. In front of him, the outline of the various equipment and screens were clear, but the only issue was whether he could sense anything outside the cockpit. 

“You’re not serious are you?” Shiro choked. “Pidge will come and get you.”

“No I can’t!” Pidge yelled, followed by an explosion. “We’re a bit occupied by the three cruisers coming our way and I can’t shake these stupid fighters!”

Keith began the startup protocol: his palm placed flat on the scans as it read his Galran blood, approving his presence and the ship turned to life. “I know you’re worried, Shiro, but Voltron needs to stay up there. And I’m sorry for jinxing this beforehand!” 

“You’re about to fly a Galra fighter - blind - Keith! Worry about flying, not making jokes!” Lance said, and it was peculiar that he would say such unless the battle was so intense that he couldn’t find ways to be any less tense. And Keith winced sympathetically. 

“Roger that.” He answered before closing his eyes, reaching out to feel the energy of the ship and interfacing with it the same way he had done with the castleship. But this time, he needed to see through the ship’s cockpit, as if he was trying to see through the lions’ eyes. It was doable, in theory. 

There was the major difference that the Voltron Lions were sentient and the Galra fighter wasn't. The effort placed into piloting a lion was a combined effort between the pilot and the lion, where Keith reached out and the Lion would come for him. But here, he could only hope he was enough as he channeled his energy outwards. 

Things were dark for a moment. Then a soft violet entered his vision, expanding from a centre before it completely filled his senses. He blinked his eyes open, and saw the fighter jet opposite to him only for a second before his vision went dark again. The jet quieted down and remained immobile. 

“Keith, what’s going on?” Shiro asked.

Keith gritted his teeth, trying again with similar results that was beginning to drain his hopes more than anything. The coldness of the cockpit washed over him every time it failed, and the shouting of team Voltron was still ringing in his ears, urging him to get out of there. 

Perhaps he was too cocky in thinking he could manage to do everything like this by himself, a _vaulting ambition which o'erleaps itself and falls on the other sid_ _e,_ he thought with dry humour. Though perhaps this wasn’t the time to be recalling ancient English texts he knew from high school. He needed to try again, with more determination, with more _focus_ , and patience, perhaps. 

_Patience yields focus._ Keith closed his eyes and gripped tightly on the throttles. The ship was lit once more, perhaps for a bit longer but then succumbed to darkness again. Keith slammed his hand on the control panels in front of him. 

He needed to do this. _He had to._ But _how_ was the bigger question. 

“Push yourself.”

“What?” Keith whipped his head around, sensing Olea’s presence in the co-pilot seat. 

“You’re trying to connect with crude technology. The only way you’ll be able to pilot is if you put more effort than you think is needed. You’re not supposed to pilot it and work from just the console. You’re supposed to _be_ the ship. You’re supposed to feel every nook and cranny of the system. And _then,_ you’ll be able to see.” She pressed her lips firmly and laid a palm over the console in front of her. 

“I will help you.” 

He felt something tug at him then: a similar energy to that of the Lion, but it was coming from Galra fighter instead. It was confusing to say the least, but he could sense a foreign quintessence source through the big mechanical vessel, and he only nodded at Olea, unquestioning. He reached out, accepting the help greatly and then-

The system powered to life, and the distinct purple neon Galran words filled the edges of his vision. The screen bordered by measurement markings, and the vision of the various ships outside came into view. Keith could feel the rush of electricity coursing through him, and his senses picking up even the slightest air resistance as he lifted the mechanical thing off the ground. There was the sound of the engine whirring, the rapid change in the view and he felt even the wind on the tips of the fighter, invigorating and all consuming. 

“Paladins, I’m heading up. Please try to keep the path clear.” Keith reported with a grin as he set a course for the castleship. He let the thrill of being able to fly again wash over him, as if it were the first time he sat in a pilot’s cockpit back at the Garrison and took a jet to the sky on one blaringly sunny day, and the sky was all that mattered. 

“We’ll try!” Shiro shouted. “Paladins, herd the cruisers away from the tunnels.”

A resounding “Copy” was echoed by the other four paladins before Keith was outside where the sky was still so bright from the combined light of the incredibly intense sunlight and explosions at every direction as Galra fighters and cruisers were attacked by Voltron and the Coalition forces. Keith groaned slightly as his eyes adjusted to the bright surroundings, blinking back a few times before suddenly jerking at the controls. Thinking back on this, he found it odd that his eyes would have needed adjustments at all, given that he wasn't even using his eyes - he was interfacing with a machine. 

The fighter swiveled and rocked heavily, shaking Keith to his bones before diving away from another fighter that had just caught flame by one of the lion’s attacks. Debris and flame was all that he could see in the air, as if the sky had been with coloured with the same palette that painted the sunsets that settled near his home. But this was violent, ripping fire and ashes, and a disturbing dark purple of the Galran machines falling from the sky as their alarms rang a distressing tone. And in the distance, five lions that has yet to merge into Voltron, streaking the sky with colours.

“Look out!” Olea called right as bright hot ray shot right across the screen. Keith’s grip on the throttles tightened, and he pulled back with an unexpected force, his feet digging into the floor to give himself leverage. The fighter pulled upwards, and the ray fell below his vision as they narrowly avoided it. 

He almost let out a breath until the ship suddenly shook with a distressing beeping that indicated damage. The displays pulled up, showing the tail of the fighter on fire and smoking - and they barely were half way to the castleship. Keith cursed under his breath, but pushed the throttle forward. He only needed to get them back intact, the ship didn’t necessarily needed to be. 

An alarm blared again in the cockpit as missiles came at him exploding in random bursts, followed by fumes of thick smoke that polluted the air. But finally, through the plumes of smoke, Keith finally saw the castleship in view with its particle barriers up, firing at any cruisers that had the bright idea to engage with it. Surrounding the giant ship was Coalition warships that was unloading its own fighters that were heading into battle. 

It was until now that Keith forgot that he was in a Galra vessel, when the many rebel ships started to fire at him. And it was perhaps only his reflexes that saved them when he spun away from the line of fire. He hailed the shared frequency of the Coalition ships. 

“This is Keith! I’m in the fighter that’s heading towards the Castle of Lions. Do not attack. I repeat, I am in the Galra fighter heading towards the castleship. Do not attack!” 

A moment later, the ships behind him retreated and headed back towards Taroussene. Whilst in front of him, only the tinted white and blue of the castleship was seen, not quite as pristine from the space dusts that has settled on its walls, but beautiful regardless. Behind it the vast empty darkness of space and the stars twinkling, as if welcoming Keith back to the sky. 

Even amidst the chaos that was happening below, he beamed at the sight as a reply to the stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I can’t write and uni is hitting me in the face. Someone please teach me javascript just so i can pass this unit.  
> Also I'm definitely going to be late for my next chapter because I have deadlines hitting and I can't guarantee that I'll edit the next chapter on time. So sorry about that, but I'm definitely sure that I'm finishing this story, so dont worry :]]]
> 
> Anyhow, thank you for reading so far, and please leave a comment! I'd really appreciate that and I love hearing what you think!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the mission: Keith and Shiro has a heart to heart, Shiro has some more discoveries, Kolivan gives some advice and shit happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long boi.

In the end, they did manage to destroy the military stronghold at Ronan, if only from Pidge’s immense hatred from having been stuck there for almost two vargas has spurred her to destroy it the minute that she had the chance. She shouted with triumph as she walked out of the hangar, grinning widely and proud. Shiro saw the stats; she handled a more than average number of enemy vessels today and she had every right to be proud.

Behind her, Lance and Hunk wrapped an arm over each other in relief at finishing the mission in one piece. And at one point they also jokingly - with a very mild tone of seriousness - expressed how incredibly lucky they were that Keith was more than capable for the mission else “Shiro would skin us alive.” 

Not that Shiro would actually skin them alive. “I think I’d rather just make you do suicide runs,” he said to them, patting them both on their shoulders and walking right in between the pair to get ahead. But he hadn’t missed the priceless fear in their eyes and the nervous laughs, and he too, laughed, though with much more amusement than Lance and Hunk, because Shiro was anything but joking about how upset he was when Keith went on the mission. Though that anger had dwindled down to an underlying anxiety that had him set on one objective at the moment: to see Keith. To check on him, and to feel his pulse on Shiro’s fingers. 

It was another fear that manifested itself since that mission with the Blades. And Shiro couldn’t say he was proud of it, nor could he say that it was entirely rational, because nothing he did will ever be fully rational when it came to Keith. 

They stood around the consoles of the bridge where Keith and Coran was already standing, and Shiro had the urge to trudge over there and pull Keith into a tight hug. On the holoscreens were captains of the rebel force. Behind them, Shiro could see the numerous people that were part of their cause, standing tall but with a weariness to their eyes. They were all tired by then - the mission had dragged on longer than any of them anticipated, and now they were once again going into debriefs, if only for formality’s sake. Post-mission debriefs were usually reminders for the higher ranking officers to be reminded that they had reports to write, back on Earth. They needed to record the day’s events and these debriefs helped fill in gaps for others where they missed out in the midst of the battles. 

He was surprised to know that he had to write one in the first place, and that the Alteans had similar habits to that of Earth’s military. It still didn’t mean Shiro liked them because obviously, he was the one that was going to write it. Lance had tried to write one in his stead, but with his less than experienced penmanship with writing such reports, it took Shiro and Pidge an entire day to proofread and edit. 

When all was done at debriefs, the Paladins slumped to the ground, quite literally dropping to the floor of the bridge. Lance allowed himself to lay spread eagle on the floor with a relieved groan, Hunk sat himself down on the steps, leaning back against one of the consoles, Pidge practically melted into her chair, and Allura stepped off her controls to also recline against the consoles. Coran congratulated them on a mission well done with an enthusiasm that Shiro still couldn’t figure the source to, and dismissed them to care for themselves whilst he would care of the rescued Taroussenes that have been placed in the banquet room.

Yet Shiro found himself still standing stiffly, unable to truly relax as he glanced over to Keith, who made no move to leave after the rest of the paladins had filed their way out, but instead was arguing with Coran about helping him out. 

His armour was only slightly scruffed, his face was smeared with dirt in places and his hair stuck up in odd angles and clumped in places that made him look as if he had been rolling in a playground. Yet despite all that, Shiro hadn’t seen Keith so at ease with himself in a long while. He was relaxed, yet still radiating an air of confidence and authority that Shiro used to see in every determined glance that he made - it was something he lost for a while, alongside his vision. But it was back now, and Shiro smiled slightly at the sight, glad for its return. 

Coran left the room with a smirk as he got his way, and Keith sulked as he watched the man leave the room. 

“I’m guessing Coran won that argument.” Shiro said as he approached. 

“Shiro.” Keith turned to him in greeting, smiling in return with a sincerity and brightness that did things to Shiro’s lungs. Somehow, the dirt and wild hair did nothing to dampen the brilliance of Keith’s endearing grin. 

Shiro pulled Keith into a crushing embrace then,  _ finally _ , taking in Keith’s warmth, his smaller frame and the feel of Keith’s own arms wrapping around his ribs. Shiro buried his face into the mess of dark hair, just to breath in the smoke and dirt infused smell, and beneath it, something distinctly Keith’s. It was a relief in itself to be able to hold him so close, and tension finally seeped from Shiro’s body, his body almost draping himself over Keith’s.

“You alright?” Keith asked, and Shiro only held him tighter in response. When he finally pulled back from their hug, a pair of eyes stared up at him with guilt.

“Sorry,” Keith said. Sadness lumped Shiro’s throat because of how utterly soft and careful the words were spoken. Keith avoided his eyes, biting his lip. “Are you mad?” 

He wanted to say yes, because Keith drove him mad every single day in ways that were incomprehensible. And Keith made him laugh, cry, and worry so much he might have been sick with it. But the only thing worse than worrying about Keith, was Shiro’s fears being realised - that one day Keith won’t be there for him to come back to. He wanted to say a billion things, yet there was something sad in Keiths’ eyes that he couldn’t quite get, as if somehow his anger was more terrifying than flying a Galra fighter blind. And the thought was enough to burn away the words on his tongue. 

“I was.” Shiro sighed instead, and tipped his head up and used a thumb to pull Keith’s bottom lip from his teeth with a small amount of disapproval. They were dry enough as they were in the recycled dry air of the castle, there was no need for them to bleed as well. “But I was also wrong.”

This close, Shiro could see Keith’s eyes widening, revealing that violet of his iris that Shiro have always loved, even now when the colour had faded to a paler pastel. “I’m so proud of you, Keith.” 

“Yeah?” Keith’s voice was timid, breathless. 

“Yeah.” Shiro moved to pull him into another hug, but softer, gentler, one that had Keith caught surprised and unaware. And experimentally, he put dragged his hands into Keith’s hair, pulling at the bottom of the long strands that are far past Garrison standards. 

“Shiro?” Keith chuckle was perhaps equally soft, scared of disturbing this silence they were surrounded by. Shiro pulled him close, afraid of letting go in an unexplainable way as if he feared Keith would slip away the minute he left. But in truth, he felt that the gesture was more for him. The body next to him was the only thing that could stop him from spilling his every fear and thoughts of the worst case scenarios that went through his head when Keith was down there by himself. 

It wasn’t that he didn’t trust the man in front of him - no, Shiro trusted Keith with his life, with his every being and perhaps even his heart. But that was the issue wasn’t that. Keith was always giving despite having so little, and Shiro only wondered when there was nothing left to give, what then?

“I’m sorry.” He spoke lightly into Keith’s ear, feeling Keith turn his head slightly in question. Shiro continued. “I’m sorry for not trusting you. I know I should, because you’re anything but incapable of taking care of yourself, but it doesn’t make me worry any less.”

“I know I haven’t exactly made it easy for you either.”

“Since when do you ever make things easy for me?” They both laughed, and Shiro finally released Keith from his arms, his hand sliding from Keith’s shoulders, down the length of those sculpted arms and to his ungloved hands. 

“I told you to not give up on yourself.” Shiro said, almost as light as whispers. “You weren’t wrong for trusting yourself.  _ I was,  _ for not believing in you like I promised.”

This was perhaps what he considered his biggest disappointment in his life thus far. For Shiro with all his big talks and promises suddenly found himself a liar and a hypocrite. A steady hand was always Keith’s back to push him on, to let him know that Shiro would always be there to guide him and be with him no matter what. But somewhere in his attempt to in trying to protect Keith, to keep him from harm and to get him back on his feet, he had forgotten to ask Keith for directions and what he truly wanted. 

He should have known better. He had known Keith the longest, and somehow Lance, Hunk, Coran  _ and _ Keith, himself, have all proved otherwise. Shiro knew far less than what he should. The crushing knowledge that Shiro failed him as a mentor and leader sat heavy in some pit in Shiro’s gut. But the most painful knowledge that struck a chord in his heart, was the fact that Shiro failed Keith as a friend, and he can’t make an excuse for himself in any way for this error. 

“It’s alright,” Keith reassured him, as if knowing the turbulent thoughts running through his mind. “I don’t blame you. I barely know myself these past phoebs.”

“Either way, I’m still sorry. You were invaluable to the mission, and I couldn’t see past your injuries to find what I have always known you to be.”

Keith looked at him expectantly, confused. “What you’ve always known I am to be?”

“Incredible.” Shiro said. 

A slight blush crept to Keith’s cheek and Shiro couldn’t help but smile in marvel at the sight. Keith was the epitome of all the wonderful aspects of the unexpected. He helped the Taroussene more than Shiro ever could since the very beginning of this mission. Parts of Shiro was proud, jumping in joy since that night Keith told him of his newfound vision. But now, tired and adrenaline running low in his blood, and uglier being approached, reminding him of all the ways he failed not just with Keith and the paladins, but also the Taroussenes - those that they made promises to save and protect, those that look to them for hope and freedom. 

Yet all he gave them was a city almost entirely burnt to ashes as the Galra did their damned best to bring Ronan to the ground with their defeat. The protection at every other base on the planet had increased due to the attack, and cities have been quarantined. Sooner or later, those stuck inside will begin to suffer; human history had taught Shiro as much. And Voltron was the cause of that suffering. 

Shiro found his legs suddenly too weak to support him - the energy he had during the battle vanishing, and he forced himself to sit on the steps before he fell over. Keith was startled at this, and gave him a worrying glance over for injuries or wounds to explain his sudden collapse. 

“You okay?” Keith’s hand reached for his shoulder and squeezed it, like a grounding force that Shiro thought he had always been. 

He gave Keith an unconvincing reassurance of a smile, “It’s nothing. Just the adrenaline finally wearing off.” 

“I won’t pry but… you used to tell me that I shouldn’t bottle up my thoughts only to one day open up that bottle to find myself overwhelmed by how much shit I haven’t dealt with.”

Humans tended to leave things on the backburner to deal with after everything is done only to eventually to drown in all the things they forgot to deal with. People usually got sick right after a stressful project finished. PTSD symptoms showed up after the ordeals. 

Shiro remembered explaining that. It was all the way back at the Garrison, when Keith was still that scrawny delinquent that had as much faith in people as he had for hope for seeing pigs fly. And Shiro, ever the counselor, was trying to break down those concrete walls built so high. Now the situation had been reversed, and Shiro hadn’t even realised the walls that he started to build around himself since his captivity. On the other side was Keith, trying to claw his way through. 

The thought warmed him, but he couldn’t let them down yet. He would deal with this later. Now wasn’t the time to breakdown and deal with anything yet. 

“I’ll tell you one day, I promise,” Shiro said. 

Keith gave him another concerned look but didn’t say a word, as if realising the metaphorical boundaries that Shiro had set up with a frown. 

Shiro wiped his hands tiredly over his face to wake himself up. “You should take a break for the next few days. Let Coran handle the Taroussenes and let the others handle diplomacy for a while.” 

“And you?” Keith countered. “Are you planning on taking the burden of all of it again? You’re the one that looks like you need a break right now.”

“I promise I’ll take breaks and divide the tasks out.” Shiro chuckled dryly. “I’ll be fine by tomorrow. I guess we’re all a bit tired after today.”

He stared in surprise as Keith took his hand off Shiro’s shoulder and situate himself down on the steps right next to Shiro. Then he forcibly pulled Shiro close so that his head leaned over to Keith’s shoulder, resting his weight onto the smaller frame next to him. 

“No one’s expecting you to be invincible, Shiro.” Keith sighed as his arm draped over Shiro’s leaning body. And Shiro also found himself finally exhaling a breath of relief before allowing himself to close his eyes, savouring the tender touches of fingers brushing the back of his head.

  
  


Somehow it felt as if they were always busier after the battles than leading up to and fighting the battles themselves. Shiro didn’t mind - it was a good way to make himself feel useful whilst taking his mind of how utterly tired he felt. 

Most of the days following were spent helping with the reconstruction of Ronan’s infrastructures, which included of a lot of supply runs and acting as heavy lifters. Shiro found himself trapped in debriefs after debriefs, discussing the next move to take in their plan to return governing power to the people of Tarousse. There were more strategy planning, and new information was coming in every day with Seth’s arrival every morning.

The news had spread that Voltron had arrived, and rebel groups from all over the planet seemed to have found a new energy to push forward, risking their life to get information out of their quarantined cities. No one could deny the severity and seriousness of their determination, and no one could deny the bravery of their actions.

If there was one thing that was universal, Shiro supposed it would be that one silver lining in the grey clouds. There was a burning hope that was ablaze within every colonized planet that they have come across. And in the face of Zarkhon’s ten thousand years old totalitarian empire, these people saw Voltron as the flaming beacon calling them to act. It comforted Shiro somewhat to know he was doing something right for these people.

The rescued Taroussenes were offered the choice of returning to Ronan or leaving for a Coalition allied refuge planet. Though there were many that had also chosen to join the Rebels. They had questions at first as to what the Blade of Marmora were if not intergalactic rebels, but thankfully Shiro wasn’t the one who had to explain to them such things as a Galra espionage agency.

The paladins were great moral support for all those that were hostages. They were thanked profusely, and Keith most of all for leading the rescue team. Keith had taken time between meeting to talk to them in the grand hall where they were temporarily situated, and Shiro joined him most days after lunch, partly because he felt obligated to as a paladin, but partly because it was an extra hour or so spent with Keith.

Something really shined in Keith during these moments when he’s out there trying to help people. Shiro found himself staring in awe and if a bit enraptured by the grace and casualness of how Keith held himself. It made Shiro a poor listener when all he could focus on was how Keith’s eyes changed colours in a magical way whenever he demonstrated and discussed alien techniques with the Taroussenes. Though not many would blame Shiro for being distracted.

One of the elderly Taroussenes only laughed at Shiro after realizing his attention was a bit elsewhere. “He’s an amazing person, your lover,” they said to him.

Shiro sputtered, tripping over his words as he tried to place his attention back into the conversation in front of him. Heat rose to his face. “He’s not – we’re not – we’re not lovers.”

The Taroussene raised their eyebrows (which looked more like a subtle of skin moving upwards above their eyes, because they really didn’t have eyebrows, given how deep their brow bridge were). “How is that even possible?”

“We just… aren’t?” He smiled pathetically.

“Everyone in the room can tell how much you two love each other! Can you not see his aura radiating whenever you speak to him?”

“You forget that not all species sees auras, Pops,” his grandson reminded. “What we see may not be so obvious to the paladins.” He turned to Shiro. “Sorry, my grandfather is a bit of a romantic at heart. He firmly believes that auras will tell you all you need to know about a person, and how much they love you and so forth.”

Shiro grinned. “It seems like a beautiful thing to be able to see.”

“It’s true to some degree.” The young Taroussene shrugged. “You two do seem quite enamoured with one another. I was also surprised to know that you aren’t lovers.”

“Am I that obvious?” Shiro scratched his head with some embarrassment, as if he had been called out by his relatives for hiding some secret lover behind their backs. He wasn’t sure if he was more embarrassed by the attention to his love life or the fact that his pining was so dramatically loud that every person in the room accepted that Keith was his lover as easily as accepting that “blue is blue.” Everyone besides Keith, that is.

The grandfather chuckled good naturedly. “You will work yourselves out. Everything eventually will as well. How did you think I even found my wife?”

His grandson groaned in a dramatized agony. “Pops, please don’t – OW!” He yelped as his grandfather’s four arms smacked his backside and head.

“No interrupting the elderlies when they’re speaking. What would your Nan think of you if she hear you groaning about simply entertaining your Pops?”

Shiro left the pair to settle their belongings afterwards for his own bit of thinking with this strange new information. He was surprised that he hadn’t just frozen up at knowing that  _ yes,  _ Keith is apparently also “enamoured” by Shiro to some degree. And it made every encounter with Keith after felt like a grand ordeal.

Shiro had wondered many things by then, but he still couldn’t stop asking why his mind was so utterly useless at acting its age, and why his heart couldn’t stop making him feel like he’ll go into cardiac arrest for just seeing Keith in that  _ very _ well-fitted armor.

(Then again, he questioned if CPR was even an option to treat cardiac arrest and how long it would take before Keith decided to try the inevitable move that defined badly written romances. They don’t even teach that anymore. It’s all about chest compression, to begin with.)

Keith asked him to spar after a long while, which Shiro was reluctant to agree to in the beginning. The reason was more to do with what he now doesn’t know about Keith’s fighting style, more than he was afraid of hurting Keith. And Shiro told him as such, Keith proved Shiro precisely correct for being apprehensive by toppling him over with his thighs around Shiro’s neck in their very last round, almost choking him.

(Again, Shiro thought that there were worse ways to die.)

Keith was happier, more at ease in his own skin as if he had found his calling. And Shiro found himself smiling too, at the genuine laughs that he heard - the first one since a very long time ago.

It took Kolivan two doboshes before he showed up on the console to answer Keith’s call.

“Keith,” Kolivavn greeted, and that was about as affectionate that one would expect from him. “Congratulations on the successful mission. Please extend my congratulations to the other paladins.”

“Thank you, Kolivan.” Keith nodded, trying to fake an air of nonchalance but failing miserably by fidgeting with his fingers. Old habits die hard.

Kolivan noticed immediately. “You have something to discuss with me.”

Keith wasn’t sure if it was a relief or not that he hadn’t needed to somehow bring up the topic. “Did you read the report?”

One of Kolivan’s eyebrows went up, surprised. “Of course I have.”

“Did they tell you how I managed to lead a team of twenty-eight people into a war-zone?” He asked with a slight trepidation, as if he were seeking approval from a guardian.

“You’ve regained your vision.”

Keith nodded, waiting for a comment. Kolivan was thoughtful and observing. He had always been a person of few words to those that were his subordinates and allies. Keith knew better, he had seen the infamous smile that occasionally crept up when he was around the senior Blade members – with those he grew up with. It was an accident to have seen it at all. But it gave Keith a slightly different understanding of who the man in front of him really was.

Friend, mentor, and guardian. Perhaps that’s why Keith feared his judgements.

“I advise you to be careful with your newfound abilities, Keith,” Kolivan said.

Keith blinked in surprise. “Pardon?”

“There’s a reason why the Empire wants these people.”

“What do you mean?”

“Did you ever happen to figure out why these Taroussenes have been taken from their home? What the Empire needs these people for despite the plentiful labour sources they have across light years?”

“I never asked.” Keith shook his head.

Kolivan’s expression hardened with a power Keith only wished to be able to exude one day. “Quintessence harvesting.” He said with a small amount of disgust. “They use these people as a tracker for energy, given how quintessence sensitive they are across the entire population. It made them useful to find energy-rich planets and Balmeras for the Empire’s next colony.

“They are made to do it against their will. And it isn’t much different from the druids’ work.”

Keith’s eyes widened on reflex. “They can recreate the Komar?”

“I assume they can, but I’ve only seen them as an energy source for the Komar, not so much the ones calling upon it.” Kolivan said. “But heed my warning Keith. This power  _ will  _ corrupt if you misuse it. Every time the Taroussenes are made to find a new planet for the Empire, they contribute to destroying those worlds. And supplying the Komar has consequences. I suppose the relative term would be that it  _ pollutes _ their own quintessence. It consumes their rational conscience. Their quintessence changes in nature, warping slowly, darkening until one can only wonder if there is anything left inside their body, or if what remains is only the shell of a person.”

Keith stared at him, silent and shocked. He looked down to his hands that were connected to the console, as if staring at them long enough will show the taint on his hands, a confession of all the acts he had committed.

“This only happens when they do it unwillingly, right? Did they die?”

He was answered with a head shake. “They forget their names. They forget who they were, their families, the entirety of their existence and their abilities. I suppose it’s mercy that they don’t remember what they’ve done.”

“But what happens to them?” Keith asked. “The Empire doesn’t keep useless prisoners around.”

“We never found out.”

A silence stretched between them as Keith absorbed Kolivan’s words. The more he learnt about Zarkhon’s reign, the more he found himself repulsed. It wasn’t as if Earth hadn’t had their fair share of fascist dictators over the course of its history, but Earth definitely didn’t have one that was more than ten thousand years old and held dictatorship across galaxies. And Earth didn’t have one during Keith’s time on it that he knew about.

Fear trickled slowly into his mind, like an icy cold stream against his burning thoughts. “So… don’t let myself get captured. Got it.”

“Yes. And don’t abuse your powers. The Blades were born to stop the Empire from expanding. But our very first purpose, the one that spurred our founders thousands of years ago to create the Blades, was to stop the plague that is Haggar and her druids.”

_ Don’t make us come after you _ , Keith understood. He nodded. “What made them such a priority?”

“The same reason they still are. They have no regard for any kind of life – only the pursuit of power. And unlike the Taroussenes, they use their power willingly to destroy worlds, manipulate life, twisting something beautiful into something ugly and diseased. It’s why they’re so dangerous.”

“But what if you use those powers for good?” He tries, and something fearful flashed across Kolivan’s expression. His eyes widened slightly before schooling his face again.

“There’s a thin line between righteousness and greed. Take care not to cross the other side. There is no middle ground in this. I would expect you to know the consequences of your actions and consider them carefully before you act, Keith. I hope I taught you as much.”

Before Keith could reply, a beeping noise from Kolivan’s side interrupted, and Kolivan faced away from the screen, as if hearing a report from a third party. Then he turned back to the screen. “I have to go. Remember, you are a Blade and Paladin of Voltron, first and foremost, Keith. You always have been. Do not let your powers let you forget that.”

With the final ominous words, Kolivan’s figure flashed off the screen, leaving behind the static white noise of the background machines. Keith sat motionless, replaying the words in the forefront of his mind.

_ There’s a thin line between righteousness and greed. _

A thin line. How thin, Keith wondered. How far did one have to take to finally lose their sanity? How much of what Keith did to that guard could be justifiable within the situation at the time?

Did saving someone made his acts somehow righteous despite how afraid Olea was at what he had done? Has it reduced him to nothing but the level of morality possessed by the druids? This power he feels surging through him, disappearing around his fingertips, overflowing from his core. He can feel it now, crackling like lightning in the air around him.

_ “Keith-.” _

What would the others think if they knew of this? Olea had been horrified.

“ _ -eth. Ke-” _

Allura was another level altogether given her vendetta against Galra. Is he now even more despicable with both Galra blood and druid-

“Keith, hey. Please, say something. Keith… hey.” A voice suddenly filled his ears, and Keith turned his face upwards to find Shiro’s worry stricken face in front of him. “Keith,” Shiro seemed to breath a sigh of relief as Keith’s vision zeroed on him.

“Shiro,” Keith choked slightly over those words. Had he overheard the conversation? Did he know? Had he witnessed how pathetic Keith was as he almost broke down yet again over the  _ what-ifs  _ and uncertainties in his life. Keith has had enough of those moments to probably last him a while. He straightened himself and pulled away from slightly to hide himself, but he only pushed Shiro further into his space.

“Are you alright?” Shiro asked, his hands suddenly reaching to hold Keith’s cheeks in his palm, fussing like a worried mother. “Why are you still sitting here so close to the console? Are you hurt?”

It took some struggle to remove Shiro’s hands from his face, and Keith shook his head, “I’m fine, Shiro. And I had a call with Kolivan. Why wouldn’t I be fine?”

Shiro’s face was serious and bordering on grim, as if Keith had committed some sort of high treason. “Keith, I was calling your name for minutes before you responded to me.”

“What?” 

“And the console’s broken. The screen cracked and it’s completely offline, and I don’t know how that happened but...,” Shiro sighed, and Keith felt his weights dropping in his guts. Now that Shiro had mentioned it, he could pickup the distinct smoky smell of Altean tech haywiring and going out. But Keith could have sworn it was fine right after his conversation with Kolivan.

“As long as you’re alright. That’s all that matters.”

“Sorry,” Keith turned his head away. “I don’t… I just… had a lot on my mind today. And I must have fallen asleep with my eyes open or something. Did you need me for anything?”

Shiro didn’t look the least bit convinced. He got up from his crouch and offered his hands. “Let’s go do something to clear our minds.” He waited for Keith to take his hands.

It was a reasonable idea. Perhaps a little bit of exercise will at least distract him from the age-old philosophical question on morality. Or perhaps Hunk might have some magical remedy for that. Keith took Shiro’s hands and let himself be pulled from his chair to be led away. Somehow despite the steady hands on his shoulders, Keith still couldn’t find himself comforted.

  
  


There’s a trance that he slips into when he fights. Keith let himself drown in it, let the current take him away and mute his surroundings into nothing but merely ambient noise as his senses focused on everything but the moment. And in that moment, he was faced with the Galra soldier - the same one with his slitted yellow eyes full of malice, and fangs peaking in his sadistic grin - raising his hand ready for a strike. 

All thoughts escaped him but the ones needed to get him out alive. Keith barely breathed as he reached outwards to sense the energy pulsating in his surroundings, searching for that specific quintessence signature that was from the guards and held on tight. Then he  _ twisted _ . 

He heard the soldier scream. And for a moment he felt a sudden relief and a questionable pleasure in hearing him cry out.  _ They deserved it _ , he assured himself as he held tighter to the quintessence and tested the ways it would go. 

“Stop!” He heard them call out but he held on. 

“Please-” They said again, and Keith could only watch as the soldier thrashed and fought against the urge for him to fall to the ground. The battlefield wasn’t a place for games, poor choices, and mercy. The enemy was in front of him, and he had an obligation to fulfill as a Blade and a paladin. He needed to do this for the sake of the universe -  _ for Shiro _ , because Shiro shouldn’t be sullying his hands with the likes of these soldiers. 

“-eith, I yield!” The cry was erratic, and perhaps that made Keith despondent to his surroundings, and he was suddenly flipped onto his back with hands tight on his shoulders, shaking him like a ragdoll. The soldier’s right hand was starting to glow menacingly whilst he gritted his teeth as if trying to hold it back. 

“ _ Keith _ ,” the pained croak reached his ears this time. There was something awfully soft about the way that his name was said, and Keith’s eyes widened.  _ How did they know his name? _

“ _ Keith, please snap out of it. I don’t want to hurt you.”  _

There it was again - that painfully familiar voice that held such agony and tenderness that reminded him of the early morning sun dancing on his cheek as the chilly wind crossed by. It made him want to reach out to comfort, like Shiro would have always done for him. It sounded like Shiro.

  
  


_ He sounded like Shiro _ .

It felt as if time had stood still and his heart has ceased to exist as he let his senses roam. And the Galra soldier that was pining him to the ground-

_ No. No no nonono… _

He let go of the twisted quintessence. 

Something was wrong - Keith could hardly comprehend how this has happened but something was very wrong. He hoped it to be a dream as he reached his hands up to feel the tears streaking on Shiro’s face, still twisted in the residual pain left behind from Keith’s tampering. BUt he could feel Shiro’s breath blowing harshly on his face, and he could feel the hard floor of the training deck cold against his back. How ironic it was that he wished to be dreaming instead of awake now that he had his vision back. 

“What happened?” 

Shiro looked at him incredulously. “You don’t remember?”

He could only answer with a look of confusion and distress before Shiro squeezed his eyes shut from pain or from some other emotion welling within him that Keith couldn’t recognise. 

“We were sparring, and then you went into this… trance.” Shiro explained, still trying to catch his breath. “You did something to me and it…” he bit his lip and took a shuddering breath. “It triggered my arm and made me want to-”

Keith waited patiently as Shiro struggled with his words, head turning to the side as he tried to dispel his fears. “It made me want to kill you,” he whispered before finally turning himself over and laid back against the floor next to Keith, groaning in pain. 

Keith could hardly recall anything after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ending is kinda a wreck. Idk how to fix it, oops. It's such a trainwreck rn. 
> 
> SORRY I GOT INTO UNI AND FIRST SEM IS A WRECK FOR ENGINEERING STUDENTS APPARENTLY AND THAT'S WHY I HAVEN'T UPDATED SINCE LIKE AUGUST OR SOMETHING AND ALSO TIME MANAGEMENT WHO'S SHE? BUT NOW I FINISHED EXAMS AND I MANAGED TO CHURN THIS OUT AND IT'S KINDA SHITTY IM SORRY.
> 
> Interestingly I did manage to learn how to code somethings in HTML so i guess that's useful for formatting fanfics lol. Also it's 2am and I want instant noodles but I ran out of instant noodles please help. 
> 
> The initial notes i left for this chapter was "I'm tired" and wow that is a whole big mood.  
> Anyways I hope you enjoyed that!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith was pensive as he glanced at Shiro’s arm, and for a moment Shiro almost had hope. But then he shook his head.
> 
> “Even so, you’re the Black Paladin.”
> 
> “So were you for the months that I was gone.”
> 
> “Only to fill in for you until you returned. Anyone else could have taken it. Lance could have taken her if you haven't already expressly wished for me to do it.” Keith raised his voice. “But you were the first Black Paladin that the Black Lion ever accepted after Zarkon, Shiro. She chose you over him. It was _you,_ who she chose, not me. I could never be what you are to her and the team.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit fillery. Not a lot of action, and A LOT OF DIALOGUE DEAR GOD.

Shiro was halfway through a sentence before Pidge decided  _ enough was enough _ , and if she had to sit there to pretend that Shiro wasn’t taking up her time because he and Keith weren’t talking and she was the next best alternative to Keith, then she would sooner make a living as a farmer after the war. Shiro only sputtered incoherently, and Pidge sighed with that annoyed-yet-sympathetic attitude that she often displayed when Matt announced that he was going to set off the Garrison’s fire alarms yet again for the fifth time that one month. Then she took her datapad without missing a beat and left the room but not without a warning glance backwards with that demonic and terrifying smirk of hers and tells Shiro to go talk to Keith before he makes the choice to go to the other side of the universe in the next Blade mission. 

That was how Shiro found himself at the Bridge again, staring at the map of the castleship and the various symbols indicating members of their team and their location. Each of the paladins were a lion’s head with their appropriate colour, and Coran was his own orange circle currently circling the medical bay, assumingly cleaning the cryopods. Other inhabitants on the casteship were generic white blobs, currently cluttering most of the grand hall. 

Keith’s signature used to be the red lion, though since his decision to leave Voltron, it had been a white lion. The symbols were changed by Coran at some point that Shiro hadn’t noticed, though he could tell sentimentality when he sees it - Keith was a paladin to his core, and Coran was never going to take it away from him. 

White was a clean slate, a blank canvas from which one could do anything they wish. Perhaps that was what Coran wished for Keith when he had returned to the castleship after that fateful mission, though Shiro could only guess at what the man was thinking when he changed these symbols. 

They all wanted Keith to get back on his feet again, that was true, but none of them truly knew how to help him. Shiro did what he thought was right, though after most of the time that has gone by, he wondered if he ever actually did anything to have helped Keith back to where he is now. And after that last spar in the training deck…

Shior sighed as his eyes searched the map for that white lion, only to give up and use the search system. Within a second, he found it in one of the hallways leading from the main ballroom. He turned and headed for that location with conversations written up in his mind, though none of them seemed to be a feasible option. 

There was something that he had noticed about his prosthetic since that day on the training deck. He hadn’t realised until now how foreign the arm felt, attached to his shoulder. He remembered more organic, more fitted for himself and so integrated with him that it was almost possible to forget that it was a prosthetic to begin with - the wonders of alien technology, he supposed. 

Yet there was something peculiar about it, and though Pidge had done a rescan of his arm and assured him that nothing was amiss, Shiro wasn’t very reassured. He had thought about asking Allura, but that was second to what was on the forefront of his mind at the moment. 

As he approached where the castleship had indicated Keith to be, he began to pick up the subtle words being spoken - it seemed that Keith wasn’t alone. Their voices were hushed, bordering on harsh whispers that Shiro couldn’t pick up from his distance from them. It immediately occurred to Shiro that he should leave and give them privacy, and he had planned to do so. 

Perhaps he could find Keith later to speak. He technically wasn’t running away from Keith, per se, but it was clear that he was occupied and Shiro didn’t exactly want to intrude. He planned to turn around to leave, but a voice immediately stopped him.

“Shiro?” Keith’s brows rose at the sight of Shiro. And the person he was talking to turned around -  _ Muer _ , with a distinctly tightness to his features.

But before Shiro could even say hello, Muer marched towards him, presumably done with whatever conversation he had with Keith. He stopped just before he passed Shiro completely, and in a quiet voice and an even more cryptic tone, he said, “Watch your back, Black Paladin.” Then he left Shiro to his confusion as his figure disappeared down the hall. 

Keith had taken himself to the giant windowsill at the end of the perpendicular hallway, gazing out into darkness of space with one leg up on the cushion and the other handing off. He was wearing that red leather jacket again and it reminded Shiro of the veranda at the desert shack. He remembered the reserveness that the young cadet used to have, and how he would lean against the wooden column, huddled under the shade as he read. 

Shiro took the space next to him, staring out to the window as well. He could point out the tenseness of Keith’s posture, just as he noticed how Keith would hastily put his books away when anyone approach the shack. Then he waited.

It took five minutes. And then Keith turned to him expectantly. 

Shiro drew in his breath, “I’m sor-”

“Don’t.” Keith held his hand up.

“We have been saying ‘sorry’ too much, haven’t we?” He let out a dry laugh, and it sounded even worse out loud as it echoed in the empty hallway. 

He let his gaze run over Keith’s features: the toned legs in those  _ emo skinny jeans _ , as Lance dubbed, the cropped jacket faded by hours under the sun, his sharp chin and jawlines, the dry lips, his pale cheeks, and those pastel eyes - vibrant as ever, and so full of secrets. Sometimes Shiro wonders if he could peer into them to learn the secrets of the universe, but they remain as mysterious as ever as Keith’s eyes flicked towards the fidgeting hands in his lap. 

Keith started this time. “The thing I did on the training deck...” He rubbed his thumbs over themselves, clasping his hands tightly. “It’s something that…” He sighed. “I don’t even know how to say sorry to you for what I did.”

“I thought we weren’t going to apologise to each other.”

“I think you deserve an apology for me almost killing you, at least.”

“You almost killed me?” Shiro asked. “I was the one with my arm at your head.”

“You don’t get it, Shiro. What I did to you… I’ve done that before, but not on anyone I know.” Keith’s voice grew soft with a guilt so thick that it seemed to choke him. “I did this once - when I was at that Galra base. It was something we’ve seen done by the druids so many times during missions. And after I was taught all these ways to sense quintessence and learn about alchemy, I just…” Keith sniffled slightly. “I crippled him so I could escape.”

“You were trying to save someone.” 

Keith shook his head. “I could have thrown my blade. I could have run over and wrestle him. I could have done many different things in that situation, Shiro. But I chose to cripple him in such a- a  _ perverse _ way.” He stared at Shiro, grief brimming his eyes and threatening to fall. “And then I did it to  _ you _ .” 

And Shiro felt similar grief building, burning, in his throat and up his eyes at the broken sounds that Keith spoke. Shiro wished to take his hand in his and hold him until they could just leave everything in the past without ever needing to look back. 

He had been fearful, both at himself, and at Keith, for having done something so reckless that would have ended with Keith’s life lost in the process. And he was resentful at both of them until he saw the guilt on Keith’s face, until he saw him skirting along the edges of his life, staying out of sight and out of Shiro’s mind, when the actual fact was that Keith could do anything but not be on Shiro’s mind for the last few days. 

Sitting there with Keith before him, guilt-ridden and ready to run away, Shiro was listening intently with a startling clarity that perhaps Keith did hurt him. And perhaps he did hurt Keith as well. Both to a degree that neither of them could even try to explain to each other, because how could Shiro even try to put to words of the terrifying moment when he thought he would lose Keith forever. 

“We all make mistakes.” He tried. “You didn’t mean to hurt me. I know you didn’t.”

“How can you be so sure?” Keith croaked. “How can you be so sure that one day as I- I’m seemingly doing absolutely nothing, that I won’t be somehow hurting you or anyone else? You saw what I did to the console in that room. You saw what I did to  _ you _ , and I don’t even-  _ I don’t even remember doing it! _ ”

“Because  _ I’m  _ unsure about _ myself. _ ” 

Keith stared at him in silence, surprised and not quite sure of how to respond. Shiro continued.

“I’ve been terrified of having to confront you for the past few days. And not just because I almost killed you or you almost killed me. The truth is that…” Shiro bit his lip. Lots have been on his mind without any outlet for him to properly process, and saying it out loud, unpracticed made his right hand shake slightly. He grasped that forearm and made himself look at Keith. 

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” Shiro said. “There’s something about this arm…” he gestures to it. “...that scares me. Because I had a thought: what if Haggar could do what you did to me? What if one day, I’ll wake up and I won’t be in control? What would I do to you or the others? What if my arm acts out before I could even fathom the thoughts, as if I was  _ preprogrammed _ for something?”

“Shiro-”

“I know you think you hurted me. And maybe you did. But I hurted you too. You can’t blame this all on yourself.”

Keith was pensive as he glanced at Shiro’s arm, and for a moment Shiro almost had hope. But then he shook his head.

“Even so,  _ you’re  _ the Black Paladin.”

“So were you for the months that I was gone.”

“Only to fill in for you until you return. Anyone else could have taken it. Lance could have taken her if you haven't already expressly wished for me to do it.” Keith raised his voice. “But  _ you _ were the first Black Paladin that the Black Lion ever accepted after Zarkhon, Shiro. She chose  _ you  _ over him. It was  _ you _ , that she chose, not me. I could never be what you are to her and the team.”

“How does that have to do with anything?”

Keith huffed. “Shiro, you’re not dispensable.”

“ _ And you are?” _

“YES!” Keith yelled with ferocity. “You don’t get it! We can’t lose you!  _ I _ can’t lose you! We can’t afford to when the fate of the universe is Voltron, and thereby you as its leader! And I’m not about to let my mishaps repeat and put out the hope that we’ve worked so hard to instill in these people.”

“What?” Shiro felt his stomach drop. “Keith, you _ can’t possibly  _ believe that!”

“ _ How can I not, Shiro? _ Voltron has been perfectly fine with you as its head. The Blade doesn’t need me - that was clear enough when Kolivan handed me back to you guys like a  _ fucking trophy _ , _ because that’s literally all I am!  _ I can’t  _ fucking see _ without these powers, and I when I do use them, _ I wreak havoc on every occasion that I can. _ The last thing that anyone needs right now is a  _ half-breed Galra bastard _ -”

“ _ What? Who-? _ ” The words were ugly and cruel, fueling an underlying anger Shiro was keeping beneath the surface.

“-destroying the universe’s only hope.” Keith wiped his cheeks of tears as he tried to swallow his emotions and turned away by his toes. 

_ “Keith, you can’t just-” _

“I’m going back to the Blades. They’re the only ones that can keep me in check.”

Shiro clenched his fist to stop his arms from shaking. “You’ll go back to being an agent?” 

“ _ N-no _ .” He choked slightly.  _ “ _ I’m giving up all this alchemy. It’s too risky. _ ” _

“You’re giving up your  _ vision _ ?”

Shiro hadn’t even known when they had moved from the windowsill cushions but they now stood in front of each other. Keith’s sniffles echoing slightly against the stone walls, and Shiro didn’t know what to do. 

He knew what to do to achieve his goals and dreams. He knew what to do when Adam offered him an ultimatum on Kerberos. He knew what to do when Keith had first returned. And he realised now that perhaps he  _ didn’t _ know what to do, as everything that he had done lead to some tragic consequence in the end. Perhaps he was nothing like what Keith had said because all he felt like was a fraudulent leader, unsure of his words and actions, unsure of his own emotions and what to do about them. 

In hindsight, all Shiro has ever achieved so far was making Keith feel worse about himself nor did he believe in him and trust him when he needed to. But he wondered if it was too late to try again. 

_ “You are good, Keith _ .” He gripped Keith’s shoulders and resisted the urge to shake sense into him. “ _ You’re so good. _ ” 

Yet something about this moment, about Keith’s trembling lips and his avoidance, was telling Shiro that he was already losing the argument. That he was going to lose Keith, somehow, in some way because Keith wasn’t listening to anyone but himself. And Shiro was desperate and pleading yet he couldn’t figure out how to make Keith understand. 

Keith lifted Shiro’s hands off his shoulders. “I can’t, Shiro. I care about you too much. I’m sorry.”

Then he swiftly turned and left Shiro wondering how the drift between them could seem colder and bigger than the infinite darkness of space outside the window. 

  
  
  
  


“Shiro! Fancy seeing you here?” Allura’s voice echoed through the ballroom from where she stood at its centre with the Altean censors beneath her palms, protruding from the ground. 

Shiro turned his head towards the numerous holographic stars and planets that currently scatters across the room. He closed the double doors behind him as he approached, staring in fascination at the two planets afloat before Allura. “I could probably say the same to you.”

“I was feeling a bit homesick, so I thought to see some constellations from home.” Allura pointed towards the holograms. “I think it’s because I’ve been talking to Keith about the research that he combed through for me. By the way, did you know they were written by Lotor’s mother?”

“ _ Really _ ?”

“Small universe, isn’t it?” She chuckled. “He called a while ago to thank us and express how grateful he was to be able to glimpse into this mysterious part of Altea that he had so little access to.”

Shiro hummed in acknowledgement. He had just heard Keith’s adamant rejection towards alchemy only hours prior. Listening to how Allura and Lotor praise it now and making him question its morality was the last thing he wanted to contemplate on that moment. 

“Taking an interest in Lotor now?” He teased instead.

“Your humour still hasn’t improved the slightest bit.” Allura rolled her eyes at him. “I’m still rather nervous to be working with him. I hope that it wasn’t a mistake on my part to place my trust in him.”

“That’s very brave of you to trust someone who was only trying to kill us only a phoebs prior.”

“Things are happening so fast now, I can hardly keep up with it all.” She waved her hands in defeat at the situation. “Funny how quickly our lives change, isn’t it?”

He hummed in response again because he knew  _ too much _ about that feeling. He sat on the floor, gazing up at simulation of constellations that danced across the room to a rhythm he couldn’t hear. 

Only a little more than a year before, he was on a spaceship heading to Kerberos to learn about space rocks, and now he was the leader of one of the universe’s most powerful WMD, fighting on one side of an intergalactic war. And only a few days before, Keith was still laughing and smiling at him. Now…

Shiro sighed and rubbed his eyes tiredly. Something inside him was screaming at him, though for whatever intentions, he still hasn’t figured it out. His limbs felt like lead as he stood in that hallway, looking dejectedly to the stars and wishing that the hallway didn’t remind him so much of Keith’s back as he left. 

Allura had noticed how he had gone silent, and draws out a long  _ ahh _ , as if she had finally understood something. “How’s Keith?”

Shiro almost laughed sardonically. “Who tattled on me?”

“Oh hush. They’re worried about both of you, you know - Coran and the other paladins. I think I even heard Lance and Hunk trying to get Keith to open up a few days ago.”

“Well I hope someone can because I couldn’t.” Somehow it felt like their relationship began to crumble since that mission with the Blades, and Shiro was back to square one as if he was still an officer at the Garrison, constantly trying to earn Keith’s trust. 

“What’s wrong?” Allura turned to him with sympathy filled eyes. 

_ Where to begin _ , he thought sadly. “I don’t know what I’m doing.” He confessed. “Ever since I came back from captivity the second time, I just keep encountering situations that I don’t know how to deal with.”

“But you’ve dealt with unknown situations before.”

“Yes. But those I knew how to handle. These ones… somehow they just get worse and worse. And I’m just so lost.” He rested his arm on his knee, playing with the gloves on his hand. Allura waited patiently as he assembled his thoughts. 

“I was engaged before I went to space,” he said slowly. “At the time, my fiance didn’t agree with my decision to go to space at all because I had a muscle dystrophy illness that could act up during my time out here. There was also the fear that the radiation and stress from all the piloting and work would accelerate that disease. And yet, Keith stood by me.

“He knew the risks I was going to take, and yet he stuck by and supported me since the day I was shortlisted as candidate for that mission. And he told me that he wanted me to do what made me happiest in life, and be selfish.” Shiro licked his lips. “He said his opinions weren’t going to make a difference to what I’ll choose anyways because he wasn’t someone important to me.”

“I can’t imagine why he would think that.” 

“He grew up in one of our less supportive foster systems, and they weren’t the most helpful for one’s self confidence.” Shiro had known him for over two years by then. Yet it was baffling nonetheless when Keith said it, and surprising when he couldn’t see how much he meant to Shiro. 

“Who was he to you?” Allura asked. 

“I saw myself in him. He was a brother to me. Someone I wanted to guide and protect and to give him the love and attention that he needed for someone of his age.” He replied, and it was true. Somehow, they were both someone that everyone expected everything in, yet nothing off at the time. Where Shiro had the lack of attention and normalcy that he so wished because of his illness, Keith had his less than stellar background in the number of group homes and foster parents that had little patience. 

“And now?”

He remembered that night on Krixe only a few phoebs ago, and Keith’s flushed cheeks from the unintentional alcohol consumption - how Keith had held onto his hand before he left the bedroom, as if it were an unconscious decision to hold on, and as if there were something more to that desperation that could possibly match what Shiro felt. 

It was also the night before he told Shiro about his decision to leave the team. 

The stark contrast between how tightly he held onto Shiro and his decision never felt right. Shiro had questioned whether Keith was an honest drunk, and whether Keith had actually wanted to leave the team despite saying that he did. And Keith’s reach for his hand or every other time he had relented to Shiro’s request was another mystery that he wasn’t sure if it was something more than the usual affections Keith has for him since a very long time ago. 

“I-I care a lot for him, still. But I...” He trailed off.

Keith had wormed his way into Shiro’s heart since the very first day that Shiro had met him in that classroom. He was like a camellia that bloomed even the harshest winter and snow, with vibrant red petals full of vitality and strength. And Shiro hadn’t even realised that a camellia could be so beautiful until now.

He found himself gravitating towards the three words he hadn’t thought he would use again so soon after Adam.

_ “I love him.” _

Allura looked at him knowingly with that smirk of hers that made him want to chuck a pillow at. But then she placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “You should tell him before it’s too late.”

“If that is all it takes to get him to listen and understand his worth, then I will gladly get on one knee and propose to him.” Shiro said with a dry laugh. “Keith’s not trusting anything or anyone right now - he’s scared that he’ll do something that’ll hurt us.”

“Like what?” She situated herself down on the floor beside him, looking expectantly.

Shiro wondered how to tell her, given her predisposition against the Galra, and even if Allura is now perfectly accepting of the Blades and Keith being a part of it, they don’t go out of their way to worsen that hatred. So instead, he gave himself a mental slap and he schooled his face. “He- uh… he still thinks of himself as… my right hand, I suppose.” That wasn’t entirely a lie.

“He still feels like the Red Paladin? Your second in command?” Allura tilted her head.

“Remember how he just left without argument when I first came back? There was no contending whatsoever - he just gave Black back to me because he never felt like she was his so long as I was around.” Shiro explained. “To him, coming back here was like intruding on me again.” 

And the events on the training deck to add wasn’t the least bit helpful for his mentality at this point in time, but Allura didn’t need to know about what had actually gone on. 

The princess smiled sadly. “You can’t control how someone feels. Not even they, themselves, can control their own thoughts and emotions sometimes. All we can do is be there and give our support until our intentions get through to them. Though you probably already know this.”

Shiro nodded as he looked at the meteor shower that passed. He had done as such before with Keith when they first met - four years at the Garrison before all this. Somehow having to do it again now with his heart so full felt harder, and he told Allura as such. 

She took a long breath and turned her head around the room, as if looking for some specific constellation, or as if recalling something. Then, with a soft and almost fond expression, she spoke. “When Keith told Coran and I that he wished to go to Earth, or just anywhere that he could be useful, he told us that it was because he didn’t want to be our burden. 

“Everything he did, he did it for us and for the sake of the universe. He endured my terrible attitude towards him after realising that he was half Galra because the universe was more important than our personal feelings, even though I remember him being so closed off from everyone because of those very feelings.”

Shiro remembered as well - how Keith cried that night, both from the injuries and something else that had built inside him since he understood enough about life. He refused to go into the healing pod for as if he felt deserving of getting a beating because his mother was Galra, and then poured his cries and pain into Shiro’s shoulder. 

Before knowing of the Blades, the world was a simple black and white for most of them. Voltron was good, Galra was bad. And then discovering that Keith was some part Galra had put every rigid belief that ever had about the world into question. Where Allura turned to Keith with hostility, Shiro’s chest had ached. His resolve had never burnt harder before, and held Keith close and reassured him with words, with his hand in his hair, his arm around him, with everything that Shiro had to offer because  _[he was still his beautiful Keith](https://zuspacey.tumblr.com/post/182191070415/one-step-at-a-time-if-you-are-with-me-on-everyhere!) _ . 

He was still that little boy who stole his car ages ago, he was still that same boy staring up into the night sky waiting for Shiro to return whilst searching the desert for some unknown, and he was still the Red Paladin.  _ He was still Shiro’s Keith. _

“I don’t know Keith as well as you do, but I can tell that life has been difficult for him since the day he was born. Yet he’s still  _ so good _ even when he has every right to hate everyone and everything. At first I thought it was the product of your tempering in the time since you’ve met. But now I realise that it’s both from you and from his inherently good nature.” Allura said softly. “Draw from his strength, Shiro. He needs us now, even if he tries to deny it. Because if it’s not us who will be there for Keith, then who?”

Shiro was still staring at the holograms long after Allura left, squinting at their brightness even as far as they were from him all the way on the floor. The universe was so - very - vast, and he was one of the Garrison’s many best pilots, he was the Black Paladin, and leader to one of the Universe’s greatest hopes for democracy and liberty. And Shiro was also but a human, almost a speck of sand existing in this space and time. And once upon a time, a boy took a leap of faith as he took Shiro’s hand. 

Sometimes, it was just that simple.

And Shiro knew what to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter count went up by 1 becuz i cant fucking write and i ramble instead. Though this might just be my favourite dialogue scenes that I've written so far because FINALLY THINGS MAKE SENSE.  
> Also one of the iconic lines in this chapter came from [zuspacey](https://zuspacey.tumblr.com/) (i will never express enough love for zuzu istg i just love them so much i cannot). Link is in the chapter and [here!](https://zuspacey.tumblr.com/post/182191070415/one-step-at-a-time-if-you-are-with-me-on-everyhere!)
> 
> I GOT A TWITTER NOW WOO! but for some reason the wifi at my house is wacky so I cant use twitter unless I use data. NONETHELESS! I'm on twitter @imbabyplzbekind (god help me i was out at sushi and i was talking to my friend and they came up with that) and still on tumblr @meapistrash.  
> HMU in either places (or here, I reply to comments, but sometimes i forget for ages).
> 
> EDIT: Fair warning my Twitter is 18+ so please please PLEASE cautious if you do go looking at it.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Keith, you-” Shiro bit his lip. “Let’s run away together.”
> 
> “What?” Keith could barely breathe. 
> 
> “We can go and live somewhere. Find a planet far from the heart of this war. Settle down and live. We can stay away from all this if that’s what you want.”
> 
> “Shiro, you can’t do that!” 
> 
> “And why not?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when I said Shiro was about to do something dumb? This is is, folks.

“Keith!” 

Keith whipped his head around towards the balcony and squinted at Shiro’s figure running down the long corridor. Said figure then proceeded to jump from the balustrade instead of the typical staircase that was only mere metres from where he already was, and Keith yelled in shock as Shiro hurled himself down to where Keith stood, blasting his jetpack halfway down to slow his descent. He landed in a roll in front of Keith as if he had simply just taken a walk. 

Keith stared at him.

_“What the fuck?”_

Shiro rubbed the back of his neck, “I needed to talk to you before you make anymore rash decisions.”

Keith sighed and pushed past him, heading for an exit to the room. “There’s nothing for us to discuss.” But he barely took another step before Shiro gripped his arm and turned him around. 

“No- Keith, what do you want? Please, just tell me.” Shiro pleaded. “Every time I ask you to tell me what you think, you shy away from it. You make these decisions without telling any of us how you feel. Aren’t we supposed to talk about it first?”

“I don’t want to talk about it. It doesn’t concern you.”

“ ‘Doesn't concern me’?” Shiro scoffed and Keith found himself pulling away. “Do you not care about how everyone would feel about your decision?”

“It’s not that I haven’t considered your feelings.” Keith explained, shuffling his feet. “It’s just that… You’re just overthinking it now because you’ve gotten used to having me around. It won’t matter and you’ll get used to me being gone again. I just want to get out of your hair... It’ll be better like this.” 

“How? Keith, you just-” Shiro reeled himself in. “You just don’t know how much you’re worth.”

“I know my worth.” 

“ _No_ , _you don’t_ . You won’t be running away from all this if you knew how much you’re worth. And how much you mean _to me_.” 

Keith stiffened as if Shiro had struck him across the face. He stared at Shiro’s distress and frustration burning across his face, and his heart ached, wanting to reach out, but he kept himself still as he waited for Shiro to speak. 

“Keith, you-” Shiro bit his lip. “Let’s run away together.”

 _“What?”_ Keith could barely breathe. 

“We can go and live somewhere. Find a planet far from the heart of this war. Settle down and live. We can stay away from all this if that’s what you want.”

“Shiro, you can’t do that!” 

“And why not?”

“Because you’re the _fucking_ Black Paladin!” Keith yelled.

“They’re easily replaced, you’ve said it yourself.”

“No, I said that _I_ am easily replaced.”

“No, you’re not, and you never will be, okay? No- Keith, listen to me,” Shiro held up his finger to Keith’s lip to silence him. “I love you, and it took me until recently to realise it. You matter _so much_ to me. And _fuck_ the universe if they want to wage war for the rest of eternity. Fine. But I don’t want to live everyday, waking up and questioning if you’re safe out there somewhere. I don’t want to live knowing I missed my chance to spend time knowing you and living a life with you.” 

Keith pressed his lips together, if only to stop himself from saying something as Shiro lowered his finger. He had yearned for those words, and for those very images of being able to be with Shiro, to be able to love so freely and wholly without caring about the rest of the universe because he has already known of Shiro’s affections - the way he sometimes look at Keith a bit too long, the way he held him so tenderly that it made Keith want to cry. And it was a beautiful thing to witness, but it was no use to take anymore of it for himself now. 

Keith shook his head. “This war is bigger than us. You can’t just follow me into an abyss.”

“Then what gives you the right to go to an abyss? I promised you that I would be there for you, and you told me I didn’t have to do everything alone, that no one expected me to be invincible. Yet, you just expect so much of yourself and worship me as some sort of all forgiving, selfless god.” Shiro waved his hand in the air and dropped them, his arm plates smacking against his legs.

“I’m not saying you are.”

“But you act like it. And I’m not as selfless as you think. And you need to stop expecting so much of yourself because you’ve started to believe that you amount to _nothing_.” 

“I’m a danger!” Keith cried. “I can and have done things that make me want to peel my own skin off. Do you know how many nights I’ve laid in bed, hoping that one day when I sleep, I will just sleep forever so that we could all get some sort of peace _for once_?”

 _“What?”_ Shiro breathed. “Keith, that’s just selfish. Your death isn’t going to solve anything.”

Keith scoffed and his voice rose. “Oh _,_ so _I’m_ selfish for wanting to do us a damn favour and get the fuck out of your way, but you’re not for risking the entire fate of the universe, and _for what?_ ” He suddenly softened. _And for what?_

For love, of course. For Keith, as if this life he lived was equivalent to the rest of the universe. And parts of Keith was once again wistful and confused as his fury from before settles into a melancholic echo in his mind. 

“You’re right,” Shiro admitted. “I am selfish. And I’d rather be selfish and save you than be selfless and lose you.”

 _No_ , Keith was going to leave. He couldn’t let Shiro continue this train of thought. He was packing. He needed to get out of here and leave to a place where he can’t hurt anyone. He shook his head and stepped back, ready to turn himself away because if he stood here any longer, he might have just believed Shiro and let his resolve crumble. It was the safest way. He had reassured himself ten times over that this was the best way to keep everyone safe, and Keith was going to be damned if he ever hurt Shiro again.

Shiro caught on quickly to Keith’s retreat, and he sprung forward, pulling Keith back by his arm and threw him towards the centre of the room. Keith only had a moment to reorient himself, and saw Shiro squaring him up. He stared intently at Keith with his body slightly turned, and his right fist clenching tightly. 

“Fight me.” Shiro said.

“Shiro- I’m not going to fight you. This is stupid.”

Shiro swung his fists, and Keith quickly dodged, stumbling to get away from the onslaught of attacks. 

“Shiro, _what the fuck_?” Keith barely said the words when Shiro made another move that demanded Keith to raise his forearms, blocking the strike. Shiro stared down at him with a fury in his eyes, and Keith knew then, that he will only get out of this in one way. 

Keith kicked at Shiro’s abdomen to create distance between them. Then he charged with a cry as Shiro prepared to block. But just as he was about attempt at another kick, he felt something - like a burst of light, of energy concentrating into something potent and powerful. _Shiro’s arm_ powered up, glowing a brilliant hot white. Keith wasn’t going to survive if he didn’t dodge. 

Keith ducked quickly as Shiro’s fist came above his head, and he used the chance to grab onto Shiro’s arm and flipped him over. He straddled Shiro’s waist as he pinned the glowing hand to the floor under one foot, and his hand was at Shiro’s neck. He could distinctly feel the restless energy inside him waiting to be released. It existed at his beck and call, and with just a little more concentration, he could grab onto the quintessence signature below him and destroy it just like that. 

But then he repressed it, let it fizzle out from the flame that it was. Shiro inhaled sharply below him, trying to catch his breath from when it was knocked out of him as he hit the floor. “Even when I’m attacking you, you still won’t hurt me.”

With a sigh, Keith pulled himself upright. He tucked his legs into Shiro’s side so he would remain stable atop, then squeezed his eyes shut - not that it ever blocked his vision, now that he wasn’t even seeing by light. “You’re insane,” he said.

They remained quiet for a while before Shiro sighed tiredly, “I know I’m asking a lot, but you have to believe in your own goodness, Keith. I believe in your goodness, because there’s no one out there that has as much of it in them as you. And you believe me, right?” He thrusted his right arm out in front of Keith, “Do what you did before - that day.”

“Shiro-” Keith choked.

“I trust you. You won’t hurt me. I promise. You won’t hurt me - I won’t let you.” Shiro reaffirmed and shook his arm again, relentless.

Keith swallowed and cautiously took the arm into his lap, letting his quintessence reach outward, trying to focus on the metal hand in front of him. The feedback was a serene calmness - a grounding calmness that was Shiro’s presence. Then he felt something else as Shiro fixed his eyes on Keith; warm and soft and so very powerful and passionate.

Keith sucked in a deep breath, trying to ignore it, because he would have spent an eternity bathing in that feeling if he had all the time in the world. He pushed past it and didn’t dare to look at Shiro as he searched. 

Then he felt the arm. It was inorganic, much like the Castle of Lions with energy thrumming in its walls. It was efficient, if not almost similar to how quintessence would flow through an organic material with the slight difference in its colour. Keith prodded at it further and almost jumped as an ice cold feeling travelled to his fingertips. He could sense the sinister energy that shouldn’t be there to remind him of the chilling feeling of fighting druids. It was wrong. But Keith didn’t know what it was nor if two quintessence signatures that are so different could exist within the same thing.

He withdrew his fingers from Shiro’s arm, hoping Shiro hadn’t noticed the slight hitch in Keith’s breath at the discovery. Immediately after removing his fingers, the arm felt as before, as if nothing was ever wrong with it. 

Keith furrowed his brows. Could he have been hallucinating when he felt that dark and consuming energy radiating from Shiro’s arm? He looked to find Shiro’s expectant gaze, and immediately shook off the thought. Shiro’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with him. 

As Keith straightened, footsteps sounded in the hallways as the other paladins arrived.

"We heard some fighting! What's going-" Allura's words trailed off as they all took noticed of the pair in front of them with wide eyes. And Keith remembered then that he was still straddling Shiro, with Shiro’s hand still lying across his thighs, looking as if they’ve been caught engaging in something that everyone didn’t need to see. 

Pidge took off her glasses and stood behind the rest of the group, Hunk was giving him a thumbs up, and Allura was looking at Shiro with a very mischievous smirk that Keith didn’t want to even try to know. Lance rolled his eyes as Keith scrambled off of Shiro, then Lance raised his hands to block everyone behind him and herded them out of the room. “Alright guys, nothing to see here. Just two bros being bros.”

Keith simultaneously wanted to choke and thank Lance. His face was so warm he felt like he could spontaneously combust, and Shiro looked similarly abashed and giving Keith side glances as if apologetic. 

The paladins began to walk out of the room -- _thank God -_ and Keith began to follow when Shiro stopped him and called out to the rest of them. 

“You found something, didn’t you?” Shiro asked. Keith held his breath and remained silent.

Shiro took that as his answer and turned to the paladins. “There’s something wrong with my arm.”

Pidge raised an eyebrow. “But it was fine the other day when I scanned it.” 

“No, this is apparently something alchemic. I felt it the other day when I was training. And Keith also felt something too. He’s just unsure of what it is. Can you take a look, Allura?”

Allura spent a moment glancing at the prosthetic before she replied, pursing her lips, “Shiro, perhaps we should get an expert for this. I feel like this is out of my expertise at the moment.”

“Yes, call in Muer.” Hunk suggested. “I’m sure he’d be happy to help.”

Keith almost yelled his objection. The last time Keith had talked to Muer, he was sure that the Taroussene had had enough of him and druids in general. Keith had originally hoped to never meet his mentor again before he left, but he didn’t have a good reason to tell the paladins to not call for Muer now, not when Muer has been everything but loyal and supportive to Tarousse and Voltron, respectively. 

So when Muer walked in with distaste in his aura as he saw Keith standing behind Shiro, Keith couldn’t help but take steps to stand further behind the other paladins’ figures. . 

They quickly explained the circumstance to him. Muer gingerly took hold of Shiro’s arm with three of his own, and it was little while later when he turned to them with as much confusion as Keith had before. 

“There is something there that shouldn’t be there.” Muer said and turned to Shiro. “Since when have you started to feel such a thing?” 

“Only recently, after a really rough training session.” Shiro said, and Keith shoved his hands into the pockets of his trousers, if only to distract himself from being too surprised by those words. 

“I have only speculations on what could possibly be affecting your arm. But I believe this is best if I speak privately to the Paladins of Voltron.” Muer looked at Allura, but Keith could feel the distrust directed at him. He had an inkling of a feeling that whatever Muer was going say was going to be about him, and perhaps destroy whatever trust Allura ever had left for him. 

But then Allura and Shiro shared a look, and she stepped forward. “Whatever you’re about to say, you can say it to everyone in this room as we are _all_ Paladins of Voltron.” 

Muer stared blankly with an unreadable expression on his face. Then he nodded. “As you wish. I suspect that someone was actively trying to sabotage Voltron through the Black Paladin.”

A resounding gasp filled the room. “What?” Lance shouted.

“There is a dark and toxic energy residing within that arm in concentrations that I’ve only ever seen capable of by druids. But given that you have not been in contact with any druids during your time on Tarousse, or have you encountered druids for a long while, I can only make a guess as to who could have caused it.”

“Who?” Allura asked.

Muer glanced at Keith, as if waiting for Keith to admit some sinister secret, but Kieth only stared back. There was no point in hiding his actions now. He had a feeling that they would find out about this one day. He just hadn’t expected it to be so soon. 

“I suspect an Empire spy.” Muer crossed his two sets of arms and stared directly in Keith’s direction. “And I believe the spy is standing behind you.”

The paladins turned to Muer’s line of sight, and erupted. 

Lance scoffed. “Okay, I know that Keith’s an idiot but he can’t be both an idiot and an Empire spy.”

“Hey man, what’s your deal?” Hunk crossed his arms.

“What you’re saying doesn’t make a bit of sense.” Pidge patronised. 

“Keith is the only one I know who can possibly do this besides us Taroussenes. But I know none of us have done this as one of us would have noticed someone doing something so tainted.” Muer almost spat the words. “Tell them.” He said to Keith. “Tell them about what you’ve done in Ronan.”

“What _he_ had done in Ronan?” Allura questioned, then looked at Keith, confused. “What is he talking about, Keith?”

Keith could only try not to bow his head and make himself look more incriminating that he already sounded. He couldn’t find words to explain to them, to justify to Allura, especially, that he had willingly played dirty in order to win, that he used the very twisted form of alchemy that they were trying to destroy. 

But before Keith could say anything, Muer was already recalling the story of his mistakes. And with every word that was spoken, Keith suddenly felt the shame again, as if his actions were sins and for which phantom weights attached to his limbs were his punishments. The piercing gaze of the paladins went to him as the story finished, and there was a mixture of reactions, mostly shock.

“Keith, is this true?” Hunk asked tentatively.

“Yes.” Keith could only dejectedly confirm. “But I’m not a spy. You know I’m not.”

And Shiro, who had been so impassive and quiet that Keith almost forgot he was there, suddenly spoke. “I’ve known Keith for years now. There’s no way that Keith could ever be a Galra spy. I can vouch for him.”

“But who else could have done such a thing to the Black Paladin? One would need direct access to the arm and thereby free access in the Castleship. And the only one who fits that description is you.” Muer narrowed his eyes at Keith.

“Perhaps if there was a method to test to track whoever was doing these things.” Pidge piped up and turned to Muer. “You said that quintessence had a specific signature to them, and that was the basis for your security system for your base in Ronan.”

Muer nodded. “That is correct.”

“Right, and that’s also how Allura was the only one able to pilot the Castleship, because it only registers hers as the rightful captain.”

“That is also true.” Allura confirmed.

“Then perhaps we could analyse the one in Shiro’s arm to find the person responsible for this with however you guys do it - you know, alchemically.” Pidge suggested. 

“That is an excellent solution Pidge. However, I feel like there’s another important question to address here.” Allura held her chin in thought. “The fact remains that someone has done something to Shiro, and I suspect this was done by Haggar during your second capture, Shiro.”

“You were previously captured by the druids, Black Paladin?” Muer looked at Shiro, surprised. 

“Yes. Twice. It was how I got this arm.” Shiro displayed his prosthetic.

“I see.” Something shifted in Muer’s expression then. And to Keith’s own surprise, it felt like shame and remorse. 

“We need to find a way to get that energy out of your arm.” Allura declared.

“You could try to cleanse the arm of that energy.” Muer suggested. “But doing so also means that the person doing it will be susceptible to being hurt by that very energy as well. They are essentially absorbing it, and if not done carefully, they could accidentally hold it within themselves and risk creating a dark entity.”

“A dark entity?”

“Dark entities made of pure, twisted quintessence. They exist in the quintessence field.” He explained. “There must be an outlet for that dark energy. One cannot just remove it from the Black Paladin’s arm without redirecting it elsewhere.”

“Like the Law of Conservation of Energy, basically.” Hunk quipped.

“It will be difficult to find anyone capable and willing to do it, especially because of the risks involved. I don’t think many of my people would be willing even for a Paladin-”

“I’ll do it.” The paladins turned to Keith in shock once more. Keith held his head and with as much determination he could amount into his words, he spoke. “I’ll do it.”

“Keith, are you serious?” Lance placed his hands on his hips. “This isn’t some newbie stuff, and you’ve only known how to do this for… how long?”

Keith looked at Muer. “You said it needed to be someone capable and willing. I’m evidently willing and I’ve done things past ethical already. If you teach me the techniques, I might be able to do it. There’s no one more suited for this than me.”

“If you’re doing this because you feel guilty for what you did to me, _don’t_.” Shiro gripped his arm worryingly. But there was nothing Shiro could do to change his mind at this point. Keith had caused this inadvertently, but he was going to fix it regardless. 

Muer was fixed on him for a moment before he spoke. “I will only teach you if Voltron can say they fully trust you, and that I can be assured that you are no threat to my plane and the rest of the good universe. And that when the time comes, you will know what to do if you make one too many missteps to ignore.”

_Turn yourself in. Repent in whatever ways that matter._

It was ominous, and the way Muer spoke felt like an ultimatum, like a test of the goodness in him. But when he turned to Shiro, who squeezed his hands and nodded, he felt something akin to hope. So Keith nodded, because he had trusted Shiro before, and he hadn’t been wrong to do so.

As he glanced around the room, he found everyone’s gaze upon him, strong and supporting, especially from Allura, who donned a pleased smile and then turned to Muer. “Votron will be responsible for everything from here on. You can rest assured that no blame will come upon you, and no harm will come upon anyone. You have our word.”

Keith’s duties were placed aside to learn from the Taroussenes instead. The technique was best taught and demonstrated by specialised people, and they were more than happy to show Keith the ropes. They didn’t question why Keith needed to know it; Muer had not told anyone else about what Keith did, and neither had Olea - the girl he rescued had apparently left with her family on one of the Coalition’s ships to a more peaceful planet. At least, Keith assumed they haven’t, as no one has given him a glaring side-eye. 

The day that his mentors told him that he had finally grasped the technique was a day he somewhat dreaded. He went to find Shiro in his room after dinner, and Shiro invited him in, opting to sit on the floor whilst Keith sat on the bed with Shiro’s arm lying on his lap again whilst Keith goes about his work. 

It was a straightforward method in theory, but extremely fiddly in reality. Keith reached out with his quintessence, searching for that dark energy that’s so ready to latch onto anything pure and alive. He could only describe it as a game of tug of war, but you’re not aiming to win. Instead, he let it take hold of him, and with a quick and determined thought, he swapped some of his quintessence into Shiro’s arm and took the same amount of darker quintessence into himself. 

The two quintessence were like water and oil, and Keith’s meager amount floated aimlessly above the abundant that remains in Shiro’s arm. This would take many sessions as Keith could only work up to a certain amount before he was holding too much dark quintessence that it was fighting his own.

The first time, he managed to work for two hours whilst Shiro read on his datapad before feeling the pain building up inside him. And it was Shiro finally pointing out how Keith wasn’t breathing well for him to realise that he needed to stop. Shiro wouldn’t let him continue until he let the dark quintessence out in an aggressive session in the training room and let himself recharge for a day. 

“I knew you were right in the beginning.” Shiro told him after. “Thanks for doing this for me.”

Keith felt like he should be thanking him for believing in him.

The second time, Shiro placed down his datapad and asked him about his day. The sessions were almost always gossip sessions after that. One time Pidge accompanied them and spent the two hours enlightening Keith with stories that would make Matt want to bury her alive, Shiro recalled some of his own from the few years spent as Matt’s roommate, and Keith achieved less than he would have wanted for that session, but he was too busy laughing to care.

This time, Shiro asked a surprising question. “How are you doing this?”

“What do you mean? This cleansing thing?”

“No, the whole alchemy thing in general. Is it… a Galra thing?”

Keith shrugged. “I don’t know. Coran guessed that too. He said it wasn’t uncommon for Galras to have some sort of alchemic ability if the gene was introduced into the bloodline at some point, especially given that cross-species marriage between Alteans and Galras were common before the war started. So I guess they were entertaining the idea that some ancestor of mine could have been an Altean alchemist.”

“So it’s been Altean this entire time? And you’re basically part Altean?”

“Not really. I was actually told that the Galras used to be quintessence sensitive as well, though apparently that gene has begun to die out. That’s why it’s so hard to recruit new Blade members. The way that we transform them is a sort of quintessence manipulation. You can only use someone else’s’ blade if you’re their family and have a similar quintessence signature.”

There aren’t many left that could do what Keith, Haggar and the druids do, though Keith still wondered what species they are, exactly. Coran and Muer had ran tests on him to get a DNA sample, and there was such a miniscule resemblance to a part of the Altean gene that Coran rejected his initial theory. 

The new theory was that his human gene had complimented his Galra genes, specifically the ones to do with the ability to sense and control quintessence. The gene evidently still existed within his mother, and was heightened to such a level because of some strange human gene - the very ones that allowed the paladins a strong connection to the Lions. 

Keith couldn’t hear the rest of Coran’s theory after that as he had already excused himself from Coran’s science experiments - engineers are, and always will be, nerds. And sadly, Keith wasn’t nerd enough to be an engineer student. 

However, Shiro was - in fact - and engineering student before he decided to be a pilot, and had more questions about Keith's abilities because he was a giant nerd that loves Einstein. One night, Shiro stared at his arm with a melancholy that Keith dared not ask about, and came up with another question, “Do you think you could heal your own eyes?”

“Why do you think that?”

“I just thought… the druids could heal, if they wanted that is. You could try it on yourself.”

“Shiro, it didn’t work for you.”

“I know.” Shiro continued to stare at the arm. “It doesn’t work for me, but that’s because I didn’t have any tissues left to actually heal. But maybe your eyes might just need some patience.

Keith promised him to try, though on most days, by the time Keith finished the session, Shiro would have fallen asleep, his head resting on the side of Keith’s leg, and Keith would be too tired to do anything else for himself. 

He smiled softly as his fingers dared to carded through the tuft of white hair - it wasn’t easy to catch Shiro so relaxed and free from stress. The creases on his forehead receded, if only temporarily until tomorrow when Shiro would wake up and frown at the breakfast goo, because while he didn’t complain, he had the right to dislike it.

Keith tucked Shiro some nights. Other nights, Shiro woke up as Keith shifted his leg and went to bed on his own accord, and Keith mourned slightly as he goes back to his own room every time. 

They’ve talked about a lot of things, the deeds of their day, the funny gossip, the existential questions, but the one thing that Keith still hasn't dared to bring up was his next plans, and Shiro’s confession from that day. 

It haunted him. The three words, spoken in Shiro’s low and warm voice. Keith had wondered if it was something only said out of desperation in the moment, but then he remembered how Shiro was willing to give everything up and realised that perhaps, Shiro’s affections were as genuine as he said it was, and as genuine as Keith thought they were. And it was difficult, after knowing that, to break Shiro’s heart. 

But it was only timely when Kolivan finally asked Keith at the end of a meeting about his next move will do now that this mission was over. Keith turned himself away from Shiro’s gaze. “I’m still thinking about it.”

That night, Shiro was quieter than usual, and it seemed neither of them wanted to address the burning question. It wasn’t until Shiro admitted to defeat at trying to distract himself on the datapad did he turn to Keith. “Are you leaving again?”

Keith feigned nonchalance as he shrugged, continuing to fix Shiro’s arm. He didn’t want a repeat of the last time he told Shiro that he was leaving. He was still trying to avoid this conversation for as long as possible.

Shiro took his arm from Keith and moved to sit cross legged in front of him. Keith turned his face down, some part unprepared and unsure of his own decisions. Leaving seemed like a bad decision again when Shiro had shown to have hated it every other time he tried to leave. And Keith was ready to defend himself before Shiro took his hands and met his eyes. 

The steel grey eyes reflected no small amount of patience and love in them, and Keith almost felt his throat closing, choking on the emotions he hadn’t dared to say. 

“What do you want, Keith?” Shiro gently asked. “Ignore what everyone has ever said, ignore what I’ve ever thought or said to you. Tell me. What do you want?”

Before Shiro, Keith never really thought about the future. He used to want to be a firefighter, but then that dream disappeared as quickly as the crumbling house his father ran into; Keith grew up, and he learnt how much of his father he had lost to the fire. After Shiro, he had a direction, an opportunity to find something he loved and follow it.Shiro taught him to see the world as wonders, have ambitions and things that kept him going.

All this time, he thought Shiro was that end goal, and he thought to follow Shiro to the edge of the universe. 

But when Shiro asked him what he wanted, Keith knew he wanted to live. He wanted to go out there and live a life worth living, even if the reality is that he loved Shiro so much he wondered if he could ever love another person as much and realised he couldn’t. Shiro was here, and he loved Shiro so much, but there was nothing else for him to do here now but leave.

In the end, Keith made a choice. “I want to go back to the Blades and do my part in this war, like everyone else is. I want to go out there and live.” _Like you do_. 

Keith waited for a response, staring at their touching hands, feeling how cold Shiro’s hands always were. Then, Shiro nodded, staring down at their hands as Keith was. If there were moments in his life that Keith didn’t ever want to see, this might be one of them. Shiro looked as conflicted as how Keith felt, and when Shiro finally lifted his head and gave him a smile so warm and soft but so aching and painful, as if it hurted to look at Keith. 

“You know I love you, right?” 

The words gripped his heart, his breath, his thoughts and his every senses. Keith knew - he knew so well of that love and he was so thankful of that love that it hurted to try and return that love. He squeezed Shiro’s hands and choked down his every longing thoughts. He reached out to Shiro with his quintessence senses, bathing in the warm glow of his presence, committing it to memory. 

He returned that smile with his own sad, pathetic one that hurted almost as much as looking at the man in front of him. 

“I know,” he replied, and waited until he had enough courage to say the following words. “And I love you.” 

Somehow, Shiro’s smile brightened a bit, and his expression lightened just before he pulled Keith into his arms. “Okay,” Shiro said.

And for the first time in a long time, Keith felt that it just might be true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry this took long. I haven’t been able to sit down and write a lot. I was also writing another project to stop myself from going insane because I never intended for this fic to get so out of hand. It was supposed to be 20k. I don’t know how i got here. Also like, how do people not go insane after 25k words, because I did, and chapter 6/7 was literally the worst to write because I just could not fucking churn out words. But I managed past them now and THERE'S ONLY 1 CHAPTER LEFT OMG! 
> 
> This was not what i originally planned for Keith. So much changed within this story because I've been writing this since April last year, and wow, you really do change a lot within a small amount of time. I learned a lot about relationships in 2019, friendship, family and love like, so that's why Keith's path has also changed. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed this! The final chapter is being outlined now and it won't be long now until we will be finished with this giant hunk of a thing!  
> Thank you so much for reading! Leave a comment because I would love to hear from you!


	9. and i'm but cosmic dust in your vast universe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"They do say that if you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, then it’s yours, if it doesn’t then it just wasn’t meant to be._
> 
> _Shiro hoped they were meant to be."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we meet for the last time! Chapter's shorter than usual cuz i ran out braincells.

Kolivan walked down the ramp of the ship, behind him trailed a dozen or so subordinates carrying supplies to the very crowded Castleship hosting an entire city-worth of citizens. He made a very shallow sigh as he emerged into the blue lightings, because while he was not opposed to the lighting and Altean engineering, but the Castleship reminded him of the last time he was there for another conference which did not start or end as well as intended. He could never forget the image of a Plaxian shoving an entire chair down their throat and then proceeding to spill the contents of their stomach all over the rest of the table. 

Coran and Hunk were at the foot of the ramp to greet him, cheerful as ever with an underlying amount of stress beneath their eyes that spoke volumes of how absolutely dead they felt inside. Kolivan pretended to not notice. 

“Oh thank god, you’re here! I’m about to just _demand_ a reschedule of the party if you hadn’t arrived any earlier.” Hunk cried in relief as he draped himself over the cargos slowly being unloaded and began to peer over the various edibles that had been brought. 

“Party?” The image of chairs reappeared in Kolivan’s head, and he shuddered ( _mentally)_. 

“Yeah, like a cocktail party - for the Taroussenes. Allura wants a small celebratory dinner to lift some of their mood after such a close call. That’s why we had you get fresh food.” 

“Where is the Princess?” 

“She’s resting right now. I finally managed to send her to sleep after a pheob-straight of nagging, so you can’t go and ruin my efforts.” Coran said wearily, but as if he already knew what Kolivan had been looking for, he pointed to the hangar doors. “Keith’s somewhere in the Castleship’s greenhouse with Pidge if you would like to see him instead. They should be testing some new agricultural tech that the Olkari recently sent us.”

What Kolivan expected as he walked out of the hangar and towards the greenhouse was perhaps the vision of Pidge and Keith hovering over plants, which is why it was even more confusing when he passed through the lounge, he found a deeply disturbed Pidge. And disturbed, in his view, looked like a young girl putting on eye drops every minute or so, and staring intensely into the datapad as she watched “A Beginner’s Guide to Coding _Python_.” He could only guess why Pidge wants to either code a reptilian creature, or speak to a reptilian creature through code. 

Kolivan reached the greenhouse and found Keith hovering over a large patch of dirt, inspecting the leaves of a plant just sprouting from the earth. Keith rubbed his fingers over the tiny leaves delicately, though his eyes still stared into the distance, irises paler than their original deep violet that his mother had. 

He looked better than when Kolivan last saw him, like an air of calmness had surrounded him. Kolivan made a few steps further into the greenhouse, his greetings on his tongue when he heard doors opening from the storage area. Out walked Shiro, holding a bucket and a garden spray to hand to Keith. And Kolivan stopped. 

Keith grinned as Shiro approached - an expression so kind and genuine and rare that Kolivan wondered if he had ever managed to glimpse at it before - on Shiro’s face was something similar. Kolivan suddenly felt like he was intruding on something that he wasn’t privy to, and showed himself out before they could notice. As he left, he wondered if Shiro knew how temporary their brief moment of bliss was. 

  
  
  
  


“Please remind me again why I’m helping you with the menu?” Lance shoved his head into his arms and groaned. Hunk refrained himself from following suit and collapsing onto the countertop. They have been fixing the menu for three days straight now, and were finalising it for the last time after the cargos finally came in earlier that day. 

“Because we can’t trust Coran.” Because the only thing palettable that Coran had ever come up with at any banquet or dinners was the Castleship’s ten thousand years old nunville that all the diplomats to have ever dined at the Castleship had praised profusely. And Hunk wasn’t about to let another drunken chair eating contest happen. 

“Right.” Lance drawled and lifted his head in a sudden motion, looking extremely dead inside. “That’s it. I need a break. Let’s go to the lounge, I want a nap and you can continue brainstorming.”

Lance was on his feet before Hunk could even respond, and then he was being dragged out of his chair and down the hallway. Lance continued to throw ideas at him, mostly hinting at some tropical inspired dishes after he found out that there was a space equivalent of pineapples. 

Soon enough, they reached the lounge and the door swept open at their presence. Hunk made steps to follow Lance to the sunken couches but then saw two heads peeking over the top of the red cushions. He could vaguely hear a hushed conversation between Keith and Shiro, who were sitting closely as if huddling over state secrets. 

And then Keith suddenly belted out a giant laugh that made Hunk jump, whilst Shiro simply smiled and continued whatever narrative he was on before. He seemed a bit embarrassed, even, but then grinned triumphantly when Keith let out another laugh that had him hugging his stomach and wiping his tears.

Lance still stood in front of Hunk, looking over to the pair before turning back to Hunk and pointing a thumb to the door, “You know what? I changed my mind, let’s go back to the kitchen and keep working.” 

Hunk blinked as Lance walked back towards him and started to herd him out the door. “But… we just got here?”

“Nah, I have an idea and I need you to test it for me, like right now.”

The door closed behind them as Hunk grumbled, “Lance you’re acting really weird today.”

“And you need to pay attention to more than your machine babies,” Lance clapped him on the back.

“What do you mean?”

“I’ll tell you later.” Lance shook his head with a smile and dragged him down the hallway once more.

  
  
  
  


Shiro has met his share of awful people during his time, but as awful as the Galra were, this one idiotic ally that they had - whose species's name even Allura was having issues with pronouncing, which meant that none of them should just not try to butcher the pronunciation lest they wanted to start another war - was possibly even worse than Slav, and that’s saying something to Shiro.

After the last general meeting with all their allies (in which Keith was present but merely for show because he likes to intimidate people in Shiro's stead), Shiro belly flopped straight onto Keith’s bed whilst Keith sat on the floor next to it. He was on a roll that day - he went on about how their allies were being greedy, how they were playing diplomacy that worked to only benefit them and how they didn’t listen to a single thing that Allura and Kolivan were trying to at least suggest. 

Keith nodded and stared at him, nodding and smiling and agreeing to everything he said, including when he proclaimed to be able to lick his elbow, and Keith nodded, saying “Yup, I agree completely.” 

Shiro finally turned his head up from where it was pressed into the pillow and looked over, realising Keith’s his drone floated in front of him, assumingly relaying information to Keith’s earpiece that he was wearing on one ear. 

_Brat_ , Shiro thought with a smile as he reached out and playfully flicked the back of Keith’s head. His finger hit Keith’s skull and Keith yelped in annoyance, turning to him, “Oww, what was that for?” 

His gaze turned straight towards Shiro, and it was like something struck him as those violet eyes reached his own. Shiro couldn’t even believe how he never noticed how alien that shade was, and how much of space Keith reminded him of with the galaxies in his eyes. 

There’s something so extremely wild about those eyes, and that’s apparently a very Galra trait, as Shiro has been told. Wild things aren’t meant to be tamed, and Keith was not one to stand behind other’s shadows. And perhaps once upon a time, Keith had hid behind Shiro’s shadows when Shiro had allowed him that shade. But Shiro had known for a long time that Keith was never going to be satisfied with that forever. 

Keith stood best where he wanted to, and that wasn’t in Shiro’s shadow, but out there in his own wilderness as he should be in order to keep that brilliance in himself. 

Keith snapped his fingers in front of Shiro, questioning if Shiro had anything to say. Shiro finally snapped from his daze and stutterred, “Oh sorry, it’s nothing.”

“Pretty painful flick on the head for nothing,” Keith deadpanned and Shiro grinned innocently, reaching a hand out to rub over where he had hit him.

“When’s your next mission?” Shiro asked. 

Keith looked cautiously at him, questioning his intentions, and Shiro doesn’t blame him when his instinct still tells him to hold on and never let him go.

“I don’t really know. All I know is that we need to get one of our inside man out, who apparently had been working at that Empire base for almost twenty decaphoebs. But the mission is pretty hush hush so far.”

Shiro didn’t have anything else to say. So he simply nodded and spent a little longer memorising those eyes still on him. He already knew he was going to miss it. 

“Wanna go to the ballroom and help with decor?” Shiro suggested, and Keith only tilted his head in slight confusion, but happily obliged.

They do say that if you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, then it’s yours, if it doesn’t then it just wasn’t meant to be. 

Shiro hoped they were meant to be. 

  
  
  
  


“What? No way! THEM? TOGETHER?” Coran aggressively whispered as Pidge and Allura hissed at his volume. 

“Could you just at least pretend that you don’t know anything and treat them as usual?” Allura asked. “They haven’t told us because of their own reasons so we shouldn’t address it at least until they bring it up.”

“I know, I know.” Coran sighed. “It’s just… Keith is going back to the Blades after this, when Shiro and us are going to be here. I’m already a bit worried thinking about it.”

“It was his choice to leave since the beginning, and it is still his choice now as well.” 

“I know, but Voltron has helped him so much. We’ll always be there for him, and I just don’t want him to encounter another crisis, only to not have anyone to rely on again. Why would he leave again?” Coran’s shoulder slumped as he looked over to Keith at the far corner, pulling on the rolls of ribbon that were to be hung on the upper balconies on the perimeter of the room. 

Coran has served three generations of Altean royalty, and he had seen the start and fall of Voltron in his lifetime. He had been there with the very first Paladins and Allura knew well that he had an attachment to the current ones as well. Keith was perhaps the one that Coran worried about the most after Allura, and she knew he was the only one who understood Keith the most when Shiro had gone missing the first time. The burden that he had to take since the beginning as the Red Paladin - second in command - and then only to be thrusted into Black without warning. 

“Why do you think Keith leaves every time?” Allura asked, knowing that Coran knew the answer.

Coran only gave her a defeated look and nodded in understanding. They both knew the answer. Keith only leaves when he knows that he’s better needed elsewhere, and that he has done his duties to Voltron. But unlike the last time, he was holding his head high, he wasn’t mournful or melancholic; there was an excitement in his gestures, in his words, and he was thrilled, ready for the next adventure.

Coran shrugged and grabbed the hanging lights from Pidge’s hand and continued with his job.

  
  
  
  


The night of the celebratory ball was magnificent. The decoration concepts were Coran whose aesthetic was the only one able to decorate an ancient Altean castle. Tables lined the edge of the ballroom and drapes of fabric and ribbons hung from balconies above in brilliant whilte. The ceiling was a hologram of Tarrousene constellations and space that were reminiscence of the night sky as viewed from the city that they have just liberated. Floating trays of hors d’oeuvres and other drinks (with only a limited amount of nunville as begged by Hunk) circled near the tables and around the dance floor. Music resounded from speakers centred above the centre of the room, playing soft ambient sounds over the chatter of people, but loud enough for the attendees that were dancing. 

The Paladins seemed to all have their own agendas tonight. Pidge stood with Hunk at one of the tables, discussing something that seemed to be a particular interest to her as she animatedly spoke. There were a few Olkari with her, along with other alien species. Lance, however, was already making his second round around all the guests and was trying his best to wait for a moment to pull Allura aside for a dance, but Allura was busy speaking to various attendees sent by the Coalition Rebels. Coran, however, was already on the dancefloor with his best Altean ballroom dance moves, though Keith could only appreciate from afar without trying to participate. 

Keith stood at another table, nursing the very last bits of a drink that was _not_ disguised alcohol, nor was it nunville. Not that Keith hasn’t had his fair share of nights wasted on alcohol, but Keith would gag at the smell of vodka despite knowing full well he would still chug it. And Keith would rather not get wasted in front of all these people tonight, lest someone decide to remind them of the chair eating contest of the last party. 

( _Kolivan shivered from afar, and he turned his head from side to side, wondering why_ ).

Shiro was taking his sweet time to get their next glass of drinks and finally came back with a guilty smile, “Sorry, got caught by a few people that didn’t get the hint.”

“I don’t mind. You have your duties as Black Paladin.” Keith reached out to take his glass from Shiro’s hand and clinked the glasses against each other. “Cheers.”

Keith took a gulp of the drink, tasting what reminded him of really bland carbonated lemon water. He turned to Shiro, “Why didn’t you go for the nunville?” 

Shiro gave him a dead glance, and it took everything for Keith to keep a straight face. 

“There comes a point in time when even the memory of something makes me die a little inside, Keith. And that includes tequila, Matt’s spaghetti bolognese, and nunville.”

“Isn’t Matt Italian?”

“Descent, and clearly Pidge got all the Italian blood whilst he got…” Shiro struggled to find words. “... something akin to monstrosity.”

Keith almost spat out the drink in his mouth as he bursted into a laugh. He wasn’t sure whether he should be sorry or embarrassed on Matt’s behalf. His gaze turned to the dance floor, there he finally noticed Lance finally dragging a very patient Allura with him. The paladins have seemed to finally finished their rounds of diplomacy and are finally heading to have some fun. Shiro noticed his gaze and pointed a finger, “You wanna dance?”

“I… I don’t…”

“Come on. It’s gonna be your last party here for at least sometime. Dance with me.” Shiro practically beamed when Keith took his hand and allowed himself to be pulled away from the table. 

And they danced. They jumped, they swung and moved and laughed as they circled each other on the floor, swapping partners with the other paladins who were doing all sorts of improvised dancing. Keith twisted himself under Lance’s arms, and turned to find Pidge and Hunk doing a full-blown shuffling sequence. 

They continued until the music turned slow and the guests slowly moved towards the tables to wind down from the intensity of the dancing before. Keith quickly found himself swaying lightly on his feet before Shiro, arms wrapped around his neck and warm against Shiro’s skin.

“I should have done this a lot sooner.” Shiro said. “The dancing, that is.”

“When would we ever have had time for this?” 

Shiro looked to the ceiling, searching for a memory. “Remember the annual graduation at the garrison and the after party every year that will always end up with someone throwing up on the dance floor?”

Keith snorted. “Oh my God.”

“Those parties are always unsupervised by adults, so the entire graduating class, and also a lot of the classes below them would also attend and get super wasted. Ever been?”

“I’ve never been. Haven’t graduated, remember?

“Serious?” Shiro stared at him in disbelief. 

“What? I mean… I just haven’t”

“Well, I’m just surprised because literally _everyone_ at the Garrison would probably have gone to those at least twice - once as a graduate and once during their previous years.” 

“Really? How many times have you gone?” Keith swore that Shiro’s face was turning red, and not because of the alcohol. 

“Three.” Shiro admitted. “Twice as a student, and once after I became an instructor at the Garrison.”

“Wait, you did _what_ now?”

“It’s not my fault okay! One of my colleagues got curious about this party because they were a transfer from NASA, and then Johnson got really really excited to crash the party - you know how he is.”

“Uh huh.” Keith smirked. “Whatever you say, Shiro.”

“I swear I didn’t come up with the idea!”

“Really? And you didn’t just go to check out the-”

“Let me stop you right there before you even think about it. Johnson was trying to set me up with Adam that time.”

Keith gave Shiro an unimpressed glance. “And you’re suggesting I go to witness… what now?”

“Well…” Shiro licked his lips. “If you had been there, I’d probably only have eyes on you the entire night.”

Try as he might, Keith smiled at those words anyways, and his heart warmed as Shiro pulled him close enough to be hugging and rested his chin on his head. They continued to sway, uncaring of the rest of the world because Keith could care less about anything but this moment with the hands on him and Shiro’s face in the slight darkness of the ballroom. 

Above them, the sky was suddenly streaked with shooting stars as a meteor shower. They turned towards the light, and Keith was if a bit regretful he couldn’t see the way the sky lit up like he could still recall in his memory. He could only see the vague traces of quintessence that the assumed shooting stars left behind in their trail. 

Keith held onto Shiro’s neck, grounding himself. Because perhaps he had lost a lot of things when he lost his sight, but he had also gained so much from it, and the person in front of him was proud to have witnessed it. And Keith was proud to have witnessed it. “Make a wish,” Keith told him. 

Shiro closed his eyes, and Keith took that chance to rise to his tiptoe and place a soft peck on Shiro’s nose. He beamed when Shiro’s eyes opened in shock. Though perhaps what was more surprising was in that moment when he shut off his senses just to savour the image, he thought he could see the colour of Shiro’s grey eyes, and the white tuffs of his hair. 

Keith blinked slightly, refocusing his vision, then turning to the holographic sky and almost gasped when he realised that he _could_ see some sort of brilliance emanating from multiple spots in the sky. Keith could see their light and the slight halo around them even when he shut off his feedback loop. He looked down towards Shiro, whose pale skin contrasted greatly with his dark clothes, like the hair on his forehead rebelling against his buzz cut. 

And Shiro was so much more beautiful in the light

“What did you wish for?” Keith asked him.

“Isn’t it bad luck to tell your wish before it comes true?”

“I think that only applies for birthday wishes.” Keith chuckled. 

Shiro hummed, bringing a hand to tenderly hold Keith cheek, brushing his thumb down the bridge of Keith’s nose and around the corner of his jaws, “ _You_. I wished for _your happiness, and for us.”_

Shiro turned to the sky quickly, searching for some constellation that neither of them knew. But that didn't matter; he was searching for a witness. He then turned back to Keith. “Let’s make a promise.”

“To what?”

“A promise that… we will dance like this again, even if it’s just us in the middle of nowhere. Just someday, after you return from your mission with the Blades. Best to have a short term goal for now, right?”

“Sure. Let’s dance like this again one day. After your arm is fixed, after I return from my mission, let’s dance again.” Keith nodded, and tilted his face up so close to Shiro’s that he could feel the warm breaths on his close, so close that if Keith leaned a little more, they would be kissing.

And he might just do that.

“Seal it with a kiss.” Keith whispered before leaning in, placing his lips against Shiro’s. 

It was soft, the simple touch of skin against skin, lips against lips, before Shiro’s hand moved to the back of Keith’s head and they grew closer, their breaths pushing into each other as Keith’s hand cradled Shiro’s jaw. Fingers dug into Keith’s hair and it was like a passionate dance not unlike the one they’ve just had.

Keith melted into the touch, taking, giving, drowning, living in the pull of Shiro’s mouth on his. When they parted, breathing heavily, Keith raked his eyes over Shiro’s face, over the strong bridge of his brows and nose, the sharpness of the jaws in his hand and the shape of his lips, slightly parted as Shiro caught his breath. 

And Keith knew then that no light in the world could be as bright as the one that shone before him, and that he had finally been able to see the stars again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You've made it to the end! I made to the end! I can't believe I've finally finished with this project!!!
> 
> Within the time since i posted the last chapter, I have: gone abroad, studied for 3 weeks, came back to my home country, and now my school has shut down for a week and i’m sitting in a quarantine area in my country. I know a lot of countries are basically on lockdown rn and everyone everywhere is afraid of Covid-19 and things look bleak, but do keep going and stay positive! I've had like three mental breakdowns so far and it wasn't nice to be crying on campus on the first day, and then two weeks later when you realise you have to go home because the outbreak got bad. 
> 
> But I'm back home, I've met some amazing people in the 3 weeks i was at uni and everyone here at the quarantine camp is also so supportive, especially the medical staff who works around the clock to care for 300 of us from the same flight. This will pass and we just need to stay calm and stay cautious, take care of ourselves. I hope you are all staying inside when you can, and I hope this final chapter made your days a little more tolerable 
> 
> I stared writing this in April last year with just a vague outline, and somehow it grew into this monstrosity. I'm kinda glad I finished it. I've learnt a lot about writing an dialogue after this, and I hope I can develop my writing further with my later projects. 
> 
> Thank you so much for sticking with me throughout this entire time, and thank you to all those that commented and gave kudos to this work. Special shoutout to BeyondtheBorder for commenting on all my chapters and following me since the very beginning, you've encouraged my writing so much over this year of writing this. 
> 
> Leave a comment or kudos if you like, I always reply to comment (unless you tell me not to or leave a "<3").  
> Also hmu on [ Tumblr ](https://meapistrash.tumblr.com/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/imbabyplzbekind), which is now basically filled with Sheith and Voltron related things!
> 
> Meap out!

**Author's Note:**

> hmu on [Tumblr](https://meapistrash.tumblr.com/) or twitter @imbabyplzbekind (yeah ik my friend thought they were funny too when they named my account).


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